


I know that you'll be by my side

by SilverHeart09



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/F, River being a bamf, thasmin, the Doctor being a damsel in distress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-01-06 07:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18384239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverHeart09/pseuds/SilverHeart09
Summary: All River wanted was a quiet evening in, instead she got a mysterious blonde woman with amnesia teleporting herself into her back garden, desperate to find her friends but with no memories of where they were, who she was, or where she'd come from.Featuring River being a protective wifey, the Doctor being confused, the fam desperate to get back together and the TARDIS being 1000% done with everyone's shit.





	1. so honey please don't let go

**Author's Note:**

> Should I be updating my other fics rather than starting a new one? Definitely yes. 
> 
> Chapter title for this fic is a lyric from 'In The Heat Of The Moment' by Noel Gallagher which I honestly think is such a Thirteen/River song. Also I would like to thank The Umbrella Academy for introducing me to it. 
> 
> Please leave me a comment if you enjoyed it! They brighten up my life ^_^
> 
> (also in all serious the next chapter of 'The Temple of Athena' is almost finished and I'll publish it asap)

 

It wasn’t often that River Song got a quiet evening. When she wasn’t running around with her spouses (which one depended on what mood she was in) or teaching at the university, she usually ended up grading papers and writing exams for the students, spending long evenings sitting in her office buried in paperwork. In fact, actually getting a day off was such a rarity that when the opportunity for one came about River found she was at a loss at what to do. She woke up early (sleeping in was never a habit she’d gotten into), had a strong cup of coffee and made some breakfast pancakes, and spent most of the day in her modestly sized garden deweeding and maintaining the flowerbeds. She hadn’t thought she’d have the patience for gardening, used as she was to running around the universe stirring up trouble, but after a busy week sometimes the calm and repetitivity of the task was exactly what she needed to help her relax. 

It was a warm day and River tied up her curly hair with a hair scarf and hummed happily to herself as she set to work, digging in the soil with her trowel and planting some new bulbs to bloom in the spring. Although in this instance, ‘spring’ was relative. Due to the lack of oxygen on the moon, all of the neighbourhoods were encased in a gigantic glass dome with an artificial atmosphere supplied throughout the settlements. There were no seasons and it never got too cold or too hot, the neighbourhoods instead maintaining a comfortable warm temperature which could only be adjusted in an individual’s own home. There was dawn and dusk, and these settings were controlled by the main hub in the heart of the city, adjusting the light inside the domes according to the Earth’s rotation; that beautiful shining planet always visible in the sky no matter what time it was on the moon. 

After gardening, River enjoyed a soak in the tub, made herself some dinner, then sat outside in her garden with a glass of wine and a good book as the sun ‘set’ inside the dome, the stars twinkling brightly in the night sky above her and the solar-powered lights around her garden fence lighting up as the evening got darker. River sighed happily and took a sip of her wine, turning the page of her book. As much as she loved running around the universe and teaching at the university, sometimes just one’s own company was all that was needed for a relaxing evening. 

A sudden, curious smell caught River’s nose and she raised her head sharply, reaching for the gun hidden under the table. The atmosphere never changed inside the dome, so anything new was instantly recognisable, but River could have sworn she could smell burning. The air bristled around her and felt heavy, like the calm before a thunderstorm. 

_ Zzzzzzzzzap! _

With a bright flash of light, a woman dropped from the sky and fell ten feet to the grass below, landing with a pained cry on her side and bringing with her the stench of smoke and ozone. 

River was on her feet in an instant, gun raised and pointed at the intruder, but the woman was in no hurry to get up, and she only turned her head and looked up at River with pain in her eyes, clearly fighting against the pull of unconsciousness. Her clothes were too big for her thin frame and River could see spots of blood and dirt on her face and in her hair, the dirty blonde locks falling into her eyes as she tried to sit up. 

‘Who are you?’ River demanded, gun not wavering. ‘How did you get through the security field?’

Security fields weren’t standard inside the dome, but River took her privacy and security very seriously and had installed one over her house. Theoretically, it should be impossible to teleport anywhere on her property.

Theoretically.

The woman looked confused and she regarded River through glassy, unfocused eyes that were growing heavier with every passing second. She managed to sit up, holding her weight heavily on her elbows as she looked up at her. 

‘Melody?’

River dropped the gun in surprise but quickly brought it back up again. There weren’t many people who knew her true name. She was never sure if her parents or husband would know it whenever she ran into them, always unsure at what point in their timeline she’d interrupted their lives in, and the only others who would have heard it were her kidnappers at Demon’s Run. 

The woman’s eyes rolled back in her head and she slumped against the grass, lying still as unconsciousness finally claimed her. 

River waited a few moments, just in case it was a trap, and then lowered her gun and tucked it into her belt when it became clear that her intruder wasn’t going to get up anytime soon.

River crouched in front of her and gave her a quick once over, frowning as she took in the woman’s ragged appearance. She was wearing black trousers and a black t-shirt that was too large for her, shoulder-length blonde hair streaked in dirt and dust and hanging across her face. River brushed the hair away to look at her more closely, and the more she saw the more worried she became.

Her intruder’s face was pale and she had small circular burn marks on either side of her forehead, red and angry and clearly new. River had seen burns like that before and she hoped her suspicions as to their origins were incorrect, although she knew that was unlikely to be the case. The stranger’s bottom lip was swollen and torn and dried blood had trickled down her chin from where someone’s fist had clearly impacted with her face. There were bruises on her arms in the shape of fingertips and River worried what she’d find under the two big clothes, if any more bruises and cuts were littering the woman’s pale skin. 

River tucked her gun into her waistband. Whoever this woman was, she was clearly the victim of the situation and River doubted she posed a threat, although her knowledge of River’s true name was certainly worrying. There was also no sign as to how she’d managed to teleport at all, no obvious transportation device catching River’s eye. It was possible she hadn’t needed one if there was a teleport wherever she’d come from, but she’d known to program it for this specific address and that was troublesome also. 

The woman wasn’t heavy, and River was easily able to carry her into the house and set her down on the sofa, tucking a blanket over her as she set off to the kitchen to grab fresh water and her first aid kit. She cleaned the stranger’s face as carefully as she could, paying extra attention to the burns and her busted lip and applied a fast healing gel to both.

River contemplated what to do. Taking the woman to a hospital, where she clearly needed to be, was too much of a risk. She knew River’s real name, who knows what else she knew about her? Similarly, phoning the authorities was also out of the question. The woman was clearly running from something and, whilst River didn't really want to become involved if she could help it, she was too much of a soft heart to deliver her back into the hands of those who may have injured her in the first place, especially considering the two burn marks on her forehead. River had seen those injuries a few times, burns from electrodes when a person’s memories and identity was ripped from them. It was the cruelest form of torture, leaving the victim a memory-less husk who could be ‘reprogrammed’ according to their captor’s will and forced to do things that may previously have gone against every fiber of their being. The freshness of the burns told River that they were new, and she hoped the woman had managed to escape before the reprogramming had taken place. Although how she’d escaped River couldn’t even begin to imagine. She must have one hell of a fight or flight response. 

The woman was breathing softly, still deeply asleep, and River tilted her head at her, curious. She was very pretty, but while her features were soft and relaxed River fancied that underneath her gentle exterior she was feisty on the inside. Judging by what she must have gone through already she was certainly intelligent, able to think her way out of situations at the drop of a hat. River reached for her wrist to check her pulse, and almost dropped it in shock when two separate heartbeats pulsated against her fingertips.

There was a stethoscope in the first aid kit and River’s own heart was almost hammering out of her chest as she pressed the smooth metal disk over where the stranger’s heart would be, hardly daring to hope and almost unable to breathe. 

Not one heart, but two. 

‘Oh please,  _ please,’  _ River breathed quietly, listening to that familiar quadriphasic beat, excitement filling her veins. 

It would explain everything. How the woman had managed to get through the security field, how she’d known River’s true name. A cursory examination of her pockets brought up nothing, however. No sonic screwdriver, no psychic paper, no TARDIS key, and River tried not to get her hopes up, preparing herself instead for disappointment. Time Lords weren’t the only species with two hearts, although they were one of a few that looked like humans, and River knew that the Doctor only had a limited number of regenerations before he also had to accept death like everyone else. This woman couldn’t be the Doctor. Another Time Lord perhaps, but not River’s. 

The woman’s eyes opened, and River held her breath.

‘Where am I?’ 

The woman practically jumped off the sofa, terror in her eyes. She cried out immediately and fell to the floor, crawling backwards away from River as fast as she could, almost hyperventilating in her anguish.

‘It’s alright,’ River said soothingly. ‘You’re safe, I’m not going to hurt you.’

The woman’s back hit the patio doors and she tried to get to her feet again, crashing to her knees with a whimper when she tried to put weight on her leg. There were tears falling down her cheeks and she looked lost in her too-big t-shirt, like a child playing dress up with their parents’ clothes. She was clearly confused and frightened and nothing in her body language suggested that she was a threat. River remembered her days in a New York orphanage, locked in an astronaut’s suit, and she felt her heart go out to her. River knew only too well how fear and desperation made you feel. 

River sat carefully down on the floor in front of her, ignoring the dirt smears the other woman’s panicked scrambles had left on her cream rug and held a hand out to her. 

‘I won’t hurt you,’ she said again, softly. ‘Can you tell me your name?’

The woman’s forehead creased and she opened her mouth but no sound came out. River wasn’t surprised though, she knew what the burn marks on her forehead indicated, although this poor woman clearly had no idea what had been done to her. 

‘That’s alright,’ River said, smiling softly when the other woman started to panic again. ‘I’m sure your name will come back to you.’ It wouldn’t, but River didn't want to tell her that and make her panic more. 

‘Where - where am I?’ the woman stuttered, knees drawn up to her chest, eyes flickering around River’s cosy living room.  

‘You’re in my home,’ River said gently. ‘I think you were looking for me? I’m Melody Pond. Although I prefer to go by River.’

‘Melody…’ The woman had an adorable frown line in her forehead, and it appeared now as she thought hard. ‘I… I had to find someone called Melody. I had to… they’re in trouble.’

‘What do you remember? Who’s in trouble?’ River asked. She didn't want to push her, she knew how painful memory wipes could be, but she still couldn’t shake the feeling that this strange woman  _ was  _ the Doctor. A Time Lord who knew her real name and who immediately ran to her in times of trouble? The odds for were higher than the odds against, surely?

‘I don’t,’ the woman said quietly, face white as a sheet. ‘I don’t… there’s nothing…’

She looked up at River, eyes wide and fresh tears falling, and River reached out a hand to hold hers carefully. 

‘I can’t remember anything,’ the woman whispered. ‘Nothing at all.’

‘You can’t stand,’ River said. ‘Is it your leg? Is it injured?’

The woman looked down at her legs, but she didn't say anything and she didn't move when River carefully pushed up the thick, heavy fabric to inspect them herself. It was immediately obvious which leg was causing her pain, her right ankle was twice the size it should be and the skin around it was purple and black with bruises.

‘Your ankle is broken,’ River said, dropping the fabric of her trousers. ‘That’s okay, I can fix that. Shall we get you cleaned up? Then I think you could do with a good night’s sleep.’ 

The woman said nothing, but she allowed River to slip an arm around her waist to carefully lift her to her feet, avoiding the swollen and broken ankle. River knew that there was no point trying to get any information out of her. Mind wipes were almost impossible to break once they’d started but a telepath sometimes stood a chance if they slept soon afterwards, allowing their brain time to protect the remaining precious memories before they fizzled out of existence. 

Of course, there was no guarantee that this woman  _ was  _ a telepath. But if she was a Time Lord  _ (if she was the Doctor,  _ River thought), then this was her best option. 

The woman was getting heavier and heavier as River helped her up the stairs, her body sagging slowly to the floor and by the time River helped her onto the bed she was practically asleep, too tired to even protest as River rolled up the material of her trousers again and eased a splint over the broken limb. 

‘This won’t hurt,’ River said, holding one of the straps tightly in her hand. ‘Just try to relax.’

It did hurt, and the woman let out a sharp yelp as River pulled the strap and the splint activated, settling itself over her broken ankle and squeezing tightly to keep the bone immobilised so it could heal correctly. 

‘Sorry, I lied,’ River said. ‘Open wide.’

The woman did so and River dropped a mint onto her tongue. There was anaesthesia in the sweet and River saw it already taking hold as the woman’s own exhaustion and the drug in the mint made it impossible for her to stay awake. 

She was fighting it though, and suddenly her eyes went wide and she reached up a hand to grab River’s shirt, pulling her down to her face.

‘I need to find my friends,’ she pleaded. ‘Please help me find my friends.’

‘Your friends?’

River frowned and wondered again how quickly she’d managed to escape following the mind wipe. She shouldn’t have any memory of her friends, shouldn’t have any memory of anything, and yet she’d known to look for River and she knew she had people who were relying on her. People who were in danger, by the sound of it. 

‘How did you know to look for me?’ River asked again, and the woman’s eyes fluttered as she fought against the lure of sleep

‘You were in my head,’ she whispered groggily. ‘Your name was in my head. I knew I had to get away, there was a flash and…’

She frowned, and River stroked her cheek gently, tucking a wayward piece of blonde hair behind her ear. The healing gel was working quickly and the burns were already fading, but not enough for them not to be noticeable.

‘It’s alright, sweetie,’ River said gently. ‘Get some sleep and we’ll talk more tomorrow.’ 

‘Sweetie...’ 

The woman smiled suddenly, her body going slack against the bed as she looked up at River through hooded eyes. A hand found River’s and squeezed and River knew, immediately and instinctively, that this was the Doctor.

‘Hello, sweetie,’ the woman said, then her face went slack and her head dropped back against the pillow, fast asleep.

‘Oh my love,’ River whispered quietly, voice full of pain as she drew a blanket up over her wife. ‘What have they done to you?’

* * *

Yaz was still screaming the Doctor's name long after the other woman had been dragged down the corridor and in the end it was Ryan who’d had to pull her back when one of the guards pulled out a gun, clearly ready to shoot her.

‘No! You can’t, you  _ can’t!’  _ Yaz was still yelling as Graham and Ryan pulled her back, holding her arms tightly in case she tried to rip herself away from them and run after their friend. 

‘Yaz, love.’ Graham’s voice was as soft as he could make it though tears were falling silently down his face. He hated himself for not following the Doctor, but he knew it would make no difference. There was nothing he could do to save her now. Keeping Yaz and Ryan as safe as he could was all he had left. 

‘They’ll kill you,’ Ryan said, and he too sounded heartbroken. He was holding Yaz loosely, as though he also wanted to save their friend and was just waiting for an opportunity to do so.

‘Come on you two,’ Graham said, maneuvering them back into the cell. ‘The Doc wouldn’t want you getting yourselves killed on her behalf.’

‘How do you know?’ Yaz sobbed. ‘How can you possibly know what she’d want?’

‘She’d want you safe,’ Graham said, and Yaz slid to the ground, knees impacting the stone floor hard as she cried with her hands pressed tightly over her eyes. She knew he was right, but in that moment she’d rather die than have to face the Doctor with no memory of her friend in those warm, green eyes. 

There were two guards stood outside their cell, guns trained on the three of them and Graham shot them such a filthy look that they took a couple of steps back, looking down at the ground as though they felt guilty at their sudden lack of humanity. Graham wondered if they had family, and how they’d feel if they’d been told heartless thugs were going to wipe the mind of someone they loved.

Ryan was trying to console Yaz, but he was crying himself and soon the three of them were a mess, sobbing and holding each other on the stone floor. They were in an impossible situation, there was no way they could rescue the Doctor now and Graham knew it was highly unlikely that she’d be able to rescue herself. The guards had gripped her so tightly when they’d discovered what species she was he’d seen her face screw up in pain and her futile attempts at getting herself free were just that.

Futile.

‘Come on you two,’ Graham said, gripping Yaz and Ryan’s hands tightly. ‘Maybe she’s got some kind of alien thing in her brain that’ll mean this kind of thing won’t hurt her. Keep your spirits up, yeah? Maybe she’ll be okay.’

Then the sounds of the Doctor's screams started to echo through the hallways and the three humans knew that no, she wasn’t going to be okay. 

‘Yaz!’

Graham ran forwards and grabbed Yaz’s arms tightly when she ran towards the door of the cell but it was too late. One of the guards rammed a thin, metal stick through the bars and the end of it impacted with Yaz’s stomach, sending thousands of volts of electricity through her small frame until she was a twitching mess on the floor, curled in on herself as her body shook with pain and she cried out in agony. 

‘Stay away from the bars,’ one of the guards growled at them, and Graham and Ryan dropped to their knees and gathered up Yaz in their arms, holding her tightly as the Doctor's screams continued.

Graham wanted to say something reassuring to the two young people, but there was nothing he could think of to say that would bring them any solace. They were stuck on a prison planet and their only chance at escape was having her mind wiped at that very moment.

Graham screwed his eyes tightly shut, as though that would help him block out the sounds of agony coming from further up the corridor.

It didn't, but he knew that even if it had, the sound of the Doctor screaming in pain was something he’d never forget for as long as he lived. 

‘I’m sorry, Doc,’ he whispered quietly to himself as Ryan and Yaz clung to each other in despair. ‘I’m so sorry.’ 

 


	2. You better learn to fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Chapter titles are currently just lyrics from 'In The Heat Of The Moment' with some vague reference to the chapter content but that may change)

_ ‘I’ll come back for you, don’t be frightened.’ _

_ ‘They can’t!’ _

_ ‘Don’t be scared, Yaz. I’ll be alright. I’ll come back for you I swear.’ _

_ ‘Don’t you touch her! Get your hands off her!’ _

She bolted upright, gasping for breath, her chest tight and her head swimming as the painful memories forced themselves into her mind. She drew herself into a ball, hands pressed against her head as she tried to block them out. She wanted to go back to sleep but there was just pain, pain  _ pain.  _

‘Hey, you’re alright.’

The curly haired woman, River, had her hand on her shoulder and it steadied her somewhat. She looked up into the warm eyes looking down at her. Recognition passed briefly through her mind but it was gone as soon as it had arrived and instead there was that fear and uncertainty that she just couldn’t shake. She couldn’t remember anything, her name was a censored smudge in her mind and anything in her life leading up to the moment she’d dropped out of the sky and into this woman’s back garden was a blur. All she remembered was pain beyond measure then falling falling falling with one name at the forefront of her mind. Melody. Melody would help her find her friends. Whoever and wherever they were. 

‘What were you dreaming about?’ River asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to her. Her presence was comforting, although she had no idea why, and there was a peculiar sense of deja vu creeping through her, as though they had done this before.

‘I - I’m not sure,’ she managed to stammer, gripping the fabric of the bedspread tightly in her fist. 

‘You were calling out for Yaz,’ River said carefully. 

‘Yaz…’ 

The name prompted a rehash of her nightmare, a slim woman with long dark hair dressed all in black being restrained by two guards, screaming after her in terror. 

She must have flinched, because then River’s hand was over hers squeezing gently. 

‘Don’t try and push,’ River said. ‘The memories flow better when you’re calm.’

‘They’re in trouble,’ she said, a deep feeling of panic settling in her stomach. ‘But I don’t - I can’t…’

‘Let’s focus on you, for a moment,’ River said softly, but it was too late. Red and black was filling her vision and all she could picture was that woman’s face, fear etched across it as hands reached out for her, only succeeding in grasping the empty air.

‘I need to find them,’ she cried, throwing herself off the bed and landed with a grunt on the floor as she tried to pull herself upright, her ankle burning and body throbbing with the movement. 

‘Sweetie, you don’t even know where they are.’

River’s hands were under her armpits, dragging her back up to sit on the edge of the bed but she tried to fight them off. They were in danger, they were hurt, she had to find them. She had to - had to…

The corners of her vision were going dark and this time she didn't protest when River sat her on the edge of the bed and forced her head between her knees, an arm across her shoulders preventing her from tilting forwards off the bed and a gentle hand on her back rubbing soothingly between her shoulderblades. 

‘You’re exhausted, my love,’ River said gently. ‘You can barely stand. We need to get you cleaned up and get some food into you, then we can try and find your friends.’

‘But they need me,’ she said, though her earlier desperation was beginning to simmer at the soothing sensations running through her body. She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the hand on her back and the warmth of her face as the blood rushed back into it. 

‘And we’ll find them,’ River said, with the tone of one making a promise they intended to keep. ‘But if you try and rescue them now you’ll only make it worse. You’re not strong enough, sweetie.’

‘Why do you keep calling me that?’ she asked, confused. She was starting to feel sleepy again and she remembered the sweet that had sent her to sleep before. Perhaps it still wasn’t out of her system yet. Her thoughts were starting to swirl and she could feel a cloud descending over her mind, making it impossible to focus or to think about anything other than how comfortable the cushions had been a moment before. 

‘Hush now,’ River said, helping her to lie back on the bed and drawing the blanket up over her again. ‘Get some sleep, you’ll feel better soon.’

‘Melody?’

River looked down at her, and that flash of recognition passed briefly in front of her eyes again, but her limbs were too tired, her head too heavy, and she was asleep before she had the chance to question it. 

* * *

River took a step back, and looked down at her wife.

This regeneration was so young, though River knew she was older than she appeared. The youngest appearing Doctor she’d encountered so far was the one with the chin, the one she’d married, but this version couldn’t have been much older. She was small and looked so fragile lying on the bed, it was hard to imagine her facing down Daleks and Cybermen with her mop of untidy, dirt streaked hair and the burns on her face. 

River checked she was comfortable and asleep, turned the light off, and went back downstairs. She could hear the device she’d set up in the garden beeping, before she’d been distracted by muffled screaming drifting down from the open upstairs window, and the tripod shaped piece of equipment was alarming at her urgently, the small screen flashing with the results she’d requested. 

Tracking the origin of a teleport wasn’t the easiest, and could only be done with specialist equipment and a lot of patience. You also had to take the results reported back with a pinch of salt as the accuracy was usually only about 68% at the best of times, but there was no doubt in River’s mind that the planetary system that was now displayed on the screen was correct, though it simultaneously filled her with dread. 

_ Servus.  _

River had never been there, though she’d heard horrifying stories about what went on. Servus was at the heart of the Kreen Empire, a totalitarian regime that made its fortune supplying armadas with soldiers and industries with workers, among other things. It was glaringly obvious that the people they sold were slaves, helpless individuals (usually from families or planets where no-one would miss them or want to start a fight to get them back) that had their memories wiped and were forced to work until they dropped for their new owners; climbing barefoot 70 feet into a mine shaft to dig for precious stones or having a gun pushed into their hands and being made to fight a battle they wanted no part of.

‘How did you get away?’ River breathed, hands in fists at her sides. 

The Doctor had mentioned Servus in passing once. He’d told her that back in the old days of Gallifrey the Time Lords had intervened and had hunted down every last slave owner, burnt every single planet and ship that had worn the Kreen colours, and ripped apart their whole regime.

Or so they’d thought, anyway. But from the ashes of Gallifrey a new Servus had risen with no-one left to challenge their authority or to stop them from picking right up where they left off, and the whole regime had started again, larger and more deadly than before. 

River turned off the machine and stood on the grass, looking up at the stars and savouring the peace and quiet of the night sky. If her wife needed her help to save her friends River would never refuse, but she knew that even if her friends were still alive, they wouldn’t be the same people she’d left behind. 

* * *

The first indication the three humans had that signified anything was wrong was the sudden alarm that blared through the prison, lights flashing red on the ceiling and heavy-duty doors slamming shut to prevent anyone from leaving the area. The guards had their guns up immediately, spitting into their radios as they waited for further instructions, and Ryan, Graham and Yaz looked up, trying to see what was going on.

The guard in front of their cell was muttering into his radio, turned away from them so his prisoners couldn’t hear what he was saying, but the guard on the other end of the line was loud and his efforts were in vain.

_ ‘... teleport! We can’t work out where she got the damn thing from!’ _

‘Did the memory wipe take place?’

_ ‘Yes, the procedure had just finished when the teleport activated.’ _

‘Have you tried tracking her? Can you see where she’s gone?’

_ ‘No. The blasted destination was entered using a Gallifreyan number sequence. We don’t have anyone here that can translate it. I doubt there’s anyone left in the universe that knows the old tongue!’ _

The guard turned back to the cell and surveyed the three humans, eyes narrowed and expression deeply unpleasant.

‘Don’t look at us mate!’ Graham interjected before their captor could speak. ‘We can’t read those bleedin’ circles either.’

‘Wait, she’s escaped?’ Yaz said, eyes wide and heart pumping fast in her chest. 

‘Don’t get your hopes up,’ the guard said, a wicked glint in his eye. ‘We completed the memory wipe process. Wherever she’s ended up, she won’t remember you and won’t come looking for you.’ 

‘She said she would, right?’ Ryan said, but he sounded uncertain. ‘She said she’d come back for us. She must have been planning on using a teleport when they dragged her out.’ 

‘Maybe she miscounted,’ Graham said, expression dejected. ‘Maybe she thought she’d have more time before they turned her brain into slush.’

‘Don’t say that,’ Yaz cried. ‘We have to believe in her, I’m sure she had a plan.’

The guard, who’d been shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation, let out a short bark of laughter. 

‘You lot are going to waste away here and you’ll never see your friend again,’ he told them, sounding amused. ‘But, if it makes you feel any better, soon you won’t remember she abandoned you either.’

The alarm stopped, the lights went back to normal and the heavy doors swung open again. The guard spoke into his radio, not taking his eyes off the three of them. 

‘Their turn. Take the girl first, let’s ease her suffering.’

‘What? No!’ Yaz yelled, backing away into the corner as the door unlocked and two guards came strolling in, weapons pointed at the three of them.

‘No! Don’t touch her, leave her alone!’ Ryan yelled, swinging a punch at one of them, but the guard didn't bat an eyelid and he retaliated by bringing his gun up and smacking Ryan in the chin with the butt of it, sending him sprawling dazed to the ground.

Graham tried, he really did, but even if he had been young and fit again he had no chance against the guards, and soon he too was flat out on his back with the business end of a weapon pointed at his face. 

Yaz was pressed as far as she could into the corner of the cell, but with the guards steadily approaching her she knew that she was out of options. It may be two against one (three if you counted the guard still waiting outside her cell) but she refused to go down without a fight.

‘Poor little human,’ one of the guards goaded her, pressing his gun into her chest. ‘Abandoned and alone without her Time Lord to look after her.’

‘Don’t worry though,’ the other guard smirked. ‘Soon you won’t remember you even knew her. We’re considerate really, aren’t we?’

His partner laughed and Yaz felt her heart plummet. All of her memories with the Doctor, with her family, her whole  _ life  _ were about to be erased and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She was completely at their mercy. 

Well no, not completely. You didn't hang around the Doctor without learning a trick or two, and Yaz had quickly picked up on the fact that the Doctor rarely needed to sleep and really didn't mind when Yaz asked if she could teach her the strange form of martial arts she’d seen her practice. 

She caught Ryan’s eye, and then Graham’s, and the two of them looked confusedly up at her, not understanding what she was trying to communicate to them non-verbally. 

‘Part of me wishes we’d done you first, so the Time Lord would be forced to watch,’ the guard leered at her. ‘Her precious human pet, so fragile, so breakable.’

‘I bet you worship her,’ the other said. ‘Everyone does. But she’s left you all on your own, utterly defenceless.’

‘No,’ Yaz said, managing a grin that probably wasn’t as confident as she intended it to be.

‘Oh? What are you going to do, little girl?’ the guard laughed with his colleague. ‘Those big brown eyes don’t work on  _ ooph.’ _

Quick as a flash, Yaz’s little finger came up and pressed against his neck, paralysing him completely. 

‘What the…?’

But before the other guard had a chance to retaliate, Yaz kneed him square in the groin, grabbed his gun out of his hands and smacked him over the head with it.

The guard outside their cell was already pulling his radio out, calling for backup, but Ryan (who’d managed to get to his feet unnoticed while the two guards were threatening Yaz) had it wrestled out of his grip in seconds and snatched the weapon from the guard’s belt, aiming it at him while Yaz did the same with the guard she’d un-paralyzed, gasping and clutching his throat.

‘Get in,’ Ryan said, indicating with a nod of his head that the guard in front of him should get into the small cell to join the others. He did so, but glared daggers at Ryan the entire time.

‘Nice Venusian Aikido, Yaz,’ Graham nodded approvingly. 

‘With a little bit of good old fashioned knee-to-the-bollocks self-defence too,’ Ryan added with a grin. 

The three guards had been backed into a corner (one still unconscious from being hit over the head) and the one who’d been talking on his radio outside the cell glared at them.

‘You wouldn’t shoot us,’ he scoffed. ‘I mean look at you! You’re human halfwits with no spines.’

‘We just heard you torturing our best friend,’ Yaz said, voice like steel. ‘I wouldn’t hedge your bets on that statement.’

‘Also, for educational purposes in case you actually believe that and it wasn’t just an insult,’ Graham interjected quickly. ‘We do have spines.’

The three humans backed out of the cell and slammed the door shut, trapping the guards inside. 

‘What do we do now?’ Ryan asked, looking at the two of them.

‘Leg it!’ Yaz yelled, and the three of them took off running down the corridors as fast as their legs could carry them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAZ IS A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED NO DOCTOR TO GET HER OUT OF TROUBLE
> 
> also 'servus' is Latin for 'slave'. I wasn't feeling particularly imaginative when I came up with the name for that one 🤣


	3. they tell me you'd never give it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took me so long to update! Life got in the way! 
> 
> Hopefully I'll be updating this a bit quicker now :) thank you so much to everyone for their support so far! ❤️❤️

The ship was dark and filthy but it suited the three humans as it made it easier for them to hide away. After initially making a break for the staircase at the end of the long, winding corridor they realised the doors were access-card controlled and they were trapped where they were, anxiously looking around them for a place to hide when they heard yelling and shouting in the distance. 

‘Over here!’ Graham said quickly, and the three of them ducked down low into a recess partially obscured by a large crate with  _ will bite  _ written on the side of it. It smelt awful and Yaz pulled a face when she felt something damp on the ground soak into her trousers, the cheap material they’d been forced to wear itchy and uncomfortable against her skin.

‘Crocodiles?’ Ryan guessed, and Yaz gave him an exasperated look. 

‘What would crocodiles be doing all the way out here?’ 

‘Do you think we should make a run for the TARDIS?’ Ryan considered, peering out from around the crate he was hiding behind. The guards had run past a few moments before and hadn’t seen them, but until they came up with a better plan hiding behind a box that may or may not contain a crocodile was their best option. 

‘How are we going to get up there?’ Yaz asked. ‘It was three levels we came down, right? We need a card to get through the door.’

‘We can try and swipe one from one of the guards?’ Graham suggested. ‘Sneaky sleight of hand?’

‘Will the TARDIS even let us in without the Doctor?’ Ryan asked, looking worried. 

‘I think so,’ Graham agreed. ‘It’s sentient, right? I’m sure if we plead our case it’ll let us in.’

‘ _ She’ll,’  _ Yaz corrected him. 

‘You’re turning into the Doctor,’ Ryan muttered. 

‘Speaking of which, what about the Doc?’ Graham said. ‘How are we going to get back to her?’

‘They wiped her memory,’ Yaz said, her face paling. ‘She must be so frightened right now.’

‘Nah,’ Graham said, with as much positivity as he could muster. ‘She’ll have thought of something, teleported herself somewhere safe.’

‘But she’ll come back for us though, won’t she?’ Ryan whispered hesitantly. ‘I mean, we have no chance of flying the TARDIS otherwise.’ 

‘There’s - um…’ Yaz coughed, clearing her throat awkwardly and looking down at the ground, her hands fisting in the fabric of her jacket.

‘There’s what, Yaz?’ Graham prompted her. 

‘The Doctor told me,’ Yaz said, almost whispering. ‘The TARDIS, she has emergency protocols.’

‘Like what?’ Ryan asked, hesitantly. 

‘Like if the Doctor is unable to pilot, for whatever reason, the TARDIS will fly us back home to Sheffield.’

There was a moment’s hesitation while the two men considered what Yaz was getting at.

‘And these protocols,’ Graham said after a pause. ‘How do they work? Can we turn them off?’

Yaz shook her head. ‘No,’ she whispered. ‘They’re automatic. As soon as the three of us are inside, the TARDIS will take us home.’

‘So if we make a run for the TARDIS now…’ Ryan realised. 

‘We’ll be abandoning the Doctor,’ Graham finished, and there was silence amongst the three of them.  

* * *

The woman was silent the next morning, staring down into the bathwater as River carefully washed the blood and grime out of the tangled mess of her hair. More bruises had appeared once she’d eased her too big clothes off. Thick purple marks across her wrists and ankles and a large belt-shaped mark across her belly, all hinting at her fighting against the restraints that had held her down when the memory wipe took place.

_ It wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume -  _ River considered, rinsing the short blonde locks with clean water -  _ that she broke her ankle fighting against the straps.  _

‘Done, you’re looking better already,’ River announced, standing up with a large fluffy towel for the woman to step into. The bruises and cuts on her face were already fading, proof of her fast-healing abilities as a Time Lord, but her lip was still swollen and River was gentle with her as she led her into her bedroom, rummaging through her cupboards for some old clothes of Amy’s that would fit her. The skinny jeans were slightly too long for her, but they looked cute with the bottoms rolled up and the tight-fitting jumper (River knew her mother never wore anything that  _ wasn’t  _ tight-fitting) both fitted and suited her perfectly. 

At the breakfast table the woman devoured practically everything that was put in front of her. Cereal seemed to be a favourite, as were croissants, and by the time she’d finished her breakfast some colour had returned to her cheeks and she was a far cry from the fragile, injured intruder who’d dropped into River’s garden the night before. She was virtually silent, not saying much apart from the occasional  _ please  _ and  _ thank you  _ and River left her drinking her way through a pint of orange juice to go back upstairs to collect her dirty black clothes from the floor, hoping they would yield a clue as to where she’d come from. The Kreen Empire had a huge reach, spanning not only its own galaxy but several others, with Servus slap bang in the centre; processing and wiping the new slaves and distributing them throughout the universe. River was unsure if Servus was a planet or one massive ship but either way, if the woman didn't remember where she escaped from then finding her friends was as good as impossible. 

River was pondering this problem when a small, familiar black wallet fell from the pocket of the woman’s trousers and landed on the tiled floor of the bathroom, open and face up. River dropped the trousers and bent to pick up the psychic paper, smiling when she saw the message scrawled in messy handwriting and the set of coordinates that no doubt led to the Doctor’s friends. 

_ Might need a hand with this one, sweetie. 1003-12344-29382. Turn right at Prizat, left at Lupiter, and if you reach the Endo Galaxy you’ve gone too far.  _

The words faded and new ones appeared, still in that same loopy handwriting that was always similar no matter which incarnation of the Doctor had turned up on River’s doorstep. These letters were more faded, as though the psychic link had been fading when the imprint was left on the paper and River had to squint to make out the message. 

_ I have three friends there. Yaz, Graham and Ryan. Please find them.  _

River took the paper downstairs and handed it to the woman, who screwed up her face in confusion.

‘Is this mine?’

‘Yes, the paper is psychic. It shows whatever you want the reader to see.’ 

‘And this message is from me, for you?’

‘Yes.’

River sat down opposite her and watched her as she carefully folded the wallet open and closed, turning it from side to side in her hands with her brow furrowed. 

‘I don’t remember leaving it?’

‘You must have done it before your memory was wiped.’

‘Is that why I don’t remember anything?’

‘Yes, sweetie.’

The adorable line in the woman’s forehead deepened, and she looked up at River with suspicion in her green eyes. 

‘And why did I come to you? What’s so special about you?’

Despite the fact River  _ knew  _ the woman didn't mean it in a malicious way and was instead deeply suspicious of everyone as a result of her memories being removed, her words still cut deeply and River knew her facial expression must have betrayed her as the woman immediately looked down into her lap and started tugging the material of her jumper.

‘I didn't mean that in a horrible way,’ she apologised after a moment. ‘It’s just… everything’s so  _ confused.  _ I know my friends are in trouble, I know I need to find them, but I don’t know how.’

Her hands clutched the wood of the table until her knuckles turned white, eyes narrowed and expression agitated and frustrated. 

‘How am I supposed to save my friends if I can’t even remember what they look like?’ 

She looked miserable and utterly heartbroken, and River tucked an arm across her shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. The woman’s shoulders were tense but she relaxed after a moment and River took her hand carefully in her own, rubbing her thumb reassuringly over the back of the woman’s hand.

‘I have an idea of who you are,’ she said gently. ‘And I have another idea as to how we may get some of your memories back, but I need you to promise me you won’t be mad.’

‘Why would I be mad?’ the woman said, confused.

‘Because if you are who I think you are, you won’t like what I’m about to suggest.’

‘Will it help me find my friends?’

River tapped the psychic paper in her hands. 

‘See those numbers? They’re coordinates. I’m assuming they’re the coordinates to Servus, where you teleported from.’

The woman’s eyes darkened and, just for a moment, River saw the Doctor flicker in the green irises. 

‘Servus.’

‘You recognise that word?’

‘I think so. It’s difficult to describe. It’s as though it’s - locked? Does that make sense? As though my memories are under the surface but I can’t  _ get  _ to them.’ She sighed and dropped her head into her hands, fingers combing her messy blonde hair.  ‘Thank you,’ she mumbled quietly after a moment. ‘For looking after me when I’m being completely useless.’ She looked up at River and tilted her head at her, her mind finally catching up with River’s words. ‘You said you think I know who I am? Who is that?’

‘Someone very special to me,’ River said gently. ‘Someone I would do anything for.’

‘But surely if I was this person who was so important to you, you’d recognise me?’

River really didn't want to try and explain the regenerative properties of an alien race to this woman, who clearly had no clue what race she was and was assuming that she was simply the same as River because they looked the same. River wasn’t sure if she even had knowledge of anything outside of her immediate plane of existence and wondered how she’d react if she came face to face with, say, a Dalek; whether she’d perceive it as a threat or simply as a giant pepperpot. 

‘It’s… complicated,’ she said after a long pause. ‘There’s usually long gaps inbetween how often I see you and when I do you very rarely look the same.’

‘You mean I do my hair different?’ she asked, and River managed to swallow down a laugh.

‘Yes. Something like that.’

‘And you said you had an idea as to how you might be able to get some of my memories back?’

She was so eager, so enthusiastic, so keen to find her friends. River wondered how she’d feel if she truly understood just how much danger they were in. She wanted to warn her that her friends may not even recognise her, that human minds were harder to repair than Gallifreyan’s, that if they have had their minds wiped then they may never recognise her or retain any memories of their travels with her ever again.

She didn't say any of this though and swallowed the words down instead, plastering a fake smile onto her face that didn't quite reach her eyes.

‘Yes. I have an idea. Fancy a walk?’

* * *

‘So legging it back to the TARDIS is a no-go then,’ Graham said, rubbing his face with his hand. ‘But we can’t stay here. They’ll find us eventually, wipe our memories, and then we’ll have no chance of getting to the Doc.’

‘The guards mentioned that the Doctor escaped using a teleport?’ Ryan remembered. ‘If we could get to it, maybe we could use it as well?’

‘That might work,’ Graham said, nodding at Ryan with enthusiasm. ‘If we can at least get off this dump it’ll be a start. What do you reckon, Yaz? And what are you doing?’

Yaz had found a rusty nail on the ground and was carving something into the wall, staring intently at it as she added small circles and lines to the bizarre symbol she was creating.

‘Hold up,’ Graham said, frowning. ‘That’s the Doc’s language, innit?’

‘I hope so,’ Yaz said, nodding approvingly at the shape she’d drawn and dropping the nail into her pocket. ‘It’s a message for the Doctor, so she knows we managed to escape if she comes back looking for us.’

‘What does it say?’ Ryan asked.

‘I’m  _ hoping  _ it says “teleport”.’ Yaz replied. ‘But honestly I have no idea. I’ve been practising but her language has so many confusing rules. Get a circle wrong and it changes the whole meaning of the word. Plus you have to read it upside down, back to front, and round and round. Sort of. Like I said, it’s confusing.’

The thunder of boots on the stone floor started to head towards them, and the three humans quickly ducked behind the box-that-may-contain-a-crocodile, crouching down low until the guards had run past. The lights were still flashing and the alarm was still blaring loudly over their heads, disorientating them as they made a run for it, keeping close to the wall as much as possible and heading in the direction where the Doctor had been dragged. 

Their black clothes helped them blend in somewhat and they were soon creeping along the corridor outside their previous cell, ears pricked for the voices of the guards in the distance.

‘In here!’ Graham whispered, pushing open a door, and the three of them ducked inside.

And froze.

There was a chair in the centre of the room with straps hanging loose from it, an electrical console next to it with strange dials and electrodes on wires hanging loose. The floor was metal and sloped with a drain set into the centre of it in front of the chair. Blood was on the floor, a few splashes here and there, and the air was heavy with the stench of ozone.

‘Oh my god,’ Graham said quietly. 

‘It looks like an execution room,’ Ryan said, his voice low.

‘Do you think this is where…?’

Footsteps and shouts sounded outside again and the three of them had to hide, crouching down low behind the console. Yaz hid behind the chair and noticed a single strand of blonde hair on the floor, the sight making her stomach turn over. 

The door opened and two men walked inside, grumbling crossly to themselves.

‘The boss isn’t going to be happy about this.’

‘It’s hardly our fault they’re so difficult to find. I’ve been saying for  _ years  _ we should put the prisoners in brighter colours. We’re just making it easy for them!’

‘What, like yellow?’

‘I guarantee you that a prisoner wearing yellow would be easier to spot than a prisoner wearing black.’

Two pairs of black heavy duty boots entered Yaz’s vision and she crouched down lower, meeting Graham and Ryan’s eyes from where they were hidden behind the console, barely even breathing for fear of making a noise.

‘I don’t know how he expects us to translate this, either,’ one of the guards grumbled crossly. ‘I’ve got no bloody clue what it says. What language even is this?’

‘The boss said she was a Time Lord, that’s why her memory wipe was a rush job,’ his colleague said, and Yaz found herself having to move a little to avoid them spotting her.

The other guard spluttered. ‘I very much doubt that. That poncey lot are all dead.’

‘Well apparently not.’

‘This teleport hasn’t worked in years. How the bloody hell did she manage to repair it??’ 

There was the sound of tapping and more muttered grumbling and Ryan looked helplessly at Yaz who only shook her head at him urgently. Moving now was too dangerous, they’d spot them for sure.

The doors opened again and more guards came in, three of them, all with blasters in their hands and dark expressions on their faces. 

‘We’ve swept the rest of this level,’ one of them said, his voice low. ‘It’s still in lockdown, so they couldn’t have left this floor. We’ve checked everywhere. The cells, the interrogation rooms, the showers, the break room. Hell, we even checked under Broz’s left shoe. But they’re nowhere to be seen which means, by process of elimination’ - he lifted his gun a little higher in his arms, and Yaz felt her heart sink - ‘they must be in here.’

‘Do you honestly think we wouldn’t have noticed three prisoners hiding in here with us?’ one of the original guards scoffed, and Ryan could tell from the look on the newcomer’s face that yes, he absolutely thought that. Quite rightly too. 

The guards began to circle the room and Yaz urgently gestured for the two men to shuffle backwards and get to the door. They had a clear path to freedom, she was trapped. Graham shook his head at her and Ryan gave her a look as if to say  _ no way  _ but Yaz knew she was stuck. She had nowhere to hide, the two men did. 

_ Go,  _ she mouthed at them.  _ I’ll be fine.  _

_ Fuck no,  _ Ryan mouthed back.  _ We’re not leaving you. _

They were getting closer now and Yaz fixed Graham with a look. He knew she could take care of herself but he had a chance to get himself and Ryan to safety and he needed to take it. There was no point in the three of them getting caught. 

Yaz closed her eyes and braced herself for her inevitable discovery. She clung onto the chair tightly, trying to take some comfort from the fact that the last person who would have sat in was her friend. She wondered if the Doctor would be able to restore her memories, or if every ounce of her would simply dissolve and disappear from the world, her mind ready to be molded into something new. She hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much, though judging from the screams she’d heard she knew it would be agony.

_ My family won’t know what happened to me. _

Yaz snapped her eyes open, gritted her teeth, and felt around on the ground for something to use to defend herself. The Doctor hadn’t gone down without a fight, so she wouldn’t either. Time to show these Servus assholes what human women were made of.

Her hand brushed against her pocket, and a plan instantly formed in her mind.

The guards were a foot away now, all they had to do was look down and they’d see her. 

Yaz took the heavy, rusty nail out of her pocket, and threw it as hard as she could in the direction of the doorway. 

‘There! I heard a noise!’ one of the guards yelled, and the five of them ran out of the room, shouting as the stomping of boots echoed down the corridor.

‘Quick! Close that door!’ Yaz yelled, and Ryan and Graham ran out from behind their hideaway to slam the door shut, bolting it closed and breathing a sigh of relief.

‘Nice work, Yaz!’ Ryan said cheerfully. ‘I thought for sure they’d find us.’

‘Next time, you  _ run,’  _ Yaz said, turning on them with a glare she normally reserved only for her sister when she’d eaten the leftovers from the fridge. ‘You had a chance to escape, why didn't you take it?’

‘Well it’s like the Doc’s always saying,’ Graham protested. ‘“We can’t have a universe with no Yaz”.’

‘Or that other one she’s fond of!’ Ryan interjected, leaping to his grandad’s defence. ‘“We stick together”.’

Yaz sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, grudgingly admitting that she also would have stayed had their roles been reversed. 

‘Fine. But let’s try and get this teleport working before they find out we’re…’

A furious banging started up on the door, yelling and swearing coming from behind it, and the three humans froze, unable to move as the bolt started to bend and move away from the door.

‘To quote another favourite,’ Graham said slowly. ‘“Better get a shift on”.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter - the Doctor gets (some of) her memories back!


	4. or you'll fall into the dead of night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for my wifey, Ginoodle, and Jolivira who stans my hamster <3

River supposed that the Lunar University must be quite an impressive campus for someone who had never seen it before. Or, rather, for someone who  _ had  _ seen it before but had  _ forgotten  _ they’d seen it before. 

From the outside it resembled a gothic cathedral, all sprillaing towers and sharp angles, but the inside was brand new and shiny and featured a massive water fountain in the foyer (that River didn't understand the point of) and a high glass ceiling with a view of the stars. A few of the students lounging around by the fountain looked up and gave River’s guest a curious look, but they quickly turned away when she glared at them. Visitors to the university were common, but it was very rare that River herself showed anybody around the campus. 

The woman was gazing around her, eyes wide with excitement and mouth hanging open. Above them, on an intricate system of pulleys and tracks, mail and parcels were ferried throughout the university and the woman tracked one from the instant the receptionist put a small envelope into a pod to when it shot up into the air, travelled across the foyer and disappeared through an opening in the far wall. 

‘Professor Song.’

A tall man with green skin and spiky blue hair stopped her and shook her hand with a smile, tucking his folder of notes more firmly under his arm.

‘Professor Metlock,’ River replied in greeting. ‘Please allow me to introduce my friend, Clara. We’re looking for Professor Singrad. Have you seen him today?’

‘He’s in his office,’ Metlock said, nodding his head at the woman who looked confused. ‘We must catch up soon. I read your paper on the movement of the Prondinians across the Yeropa Cluster and I’d love to discuss it with you some more.’

‘Of course,’ River said, smiling sweetly. ‘I’ll make sure to put a note in my diary. Have a nice day.’

Metlock walked away, humming to himself, and River rolled her eyes and tucked her arm through the woman’s, hurrying her along.

‘Pretentious old windbag,’ she muttered crossly. ‘He doesn’t want to discuss my paper, he just wants the opportunity to turn it into a conversation about  _ his.’ _

‘Is my name Clara?’ the woman asked, limping quickly along beside her. 

River slowed, remembering the brace around her broken ankle, and adopted a more gentle pace; one the woman could easily keep up with.

‘No, it isn’t,’ she replied softly. ‘Clara is the name of a friend of yours.’

‘But you know my name?’

River smiled. ‘Well. Now that is a question.’

The woman looked even more confused and River patted her hand affectionately. 

‘Hopefully Professor Singrad will be able to clear things up for us, his office isn’t too far.’

River led her through the winding corridors of the university, letting the woman take a moment to occasionally gaze at some new artifact she found fascinating or a portrait of a professor who was more alien than most. She didn't seem surprised by the different species she was seeing, students and teachers alike, as they walked companionably through the corridors, but River supposed it was as though she was seeing everything as brand new, almost as though she was seeing it through the eyes of a child who hadn’t yet learnt to be frightened or to discriminate and was instead fascinated by everything and everyone it saw. 

Professor Singrad was sat moodily at his desk with a stack of papers in front of him when River knocked on the wood of his open door, but he looked up and smiled warmly when he saw her.

‘Professor Song! What a pleasure. Please come in. Would you like a drink? My granddaughter just sent over some Alurian Whiskey this morning.’

‘That sounds lovely,’ River smiled, steering the woman over to a comfortable leather sofa and sitting her down on it, squeezing her hand tightly before taking the proffered glasses from Singrad and handing one of them to her wife who sniffed it curiously, eyes narrowed. 

‘Who’s your friend?’ Singrad asked. ‘You should be careful. You’ll lose your “lone wolf” reputation amongst the students.’

River laughed and sat down next to the woman, Singrad sitting on the sofa opposite and taking a small sip of his whiskey, leaning back with a deep, happy sigh.

‘I was actually hoping to ask you for some advice on my friend’s identity,’ River replied, and Singrad raised an eyebrow.

‘Are you picking up strays again, Professor Song?’

‘That’s more my husband’s department,’ River said with a smirk. ‘But in this instance yes, I may have done.’

Next to her, the woman tried some of the whiskey and instantly pulled a face, sticking her tongue out and wrinkling her face at the slightly acidic taste.

Singrad laughed a deep, booming laugh and leant forward to take the glass out of the woman’s hands, smiling at her obvious gratitude and putting the glass on the low coffee table in front of them. 

‘It’s not for everyone,’ he said with a wink. ‘Acquired taste, if you like. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Do you have a -?’

He stopped suddenly, the smile dropping off his face as he noticed the two not-quite-yet faded burn marks either side of the woman’s face. His eyes travelled down her slim frame, noting the bruises at her neck and wrists and the slight bulge around her lower leg where the brace was keeping her ankle aligned correctly.

‘Oh, River,’ he breathed. ‘I can see why you came to me.’ 

He stood up and moved to close his office door, sitting on the woman’s other side and gently taking one of her hands. 

‘It’s alright, my dear,’ he said softly. ‘You’re quite safe now.’

‘I don’t understand,’ the woman said, turning to look at River. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Professor Singrad is from a race called the Fren,’ River explained gently. ‘His people are telepathic, the same as yours.’

‘Telepathic?’

‘It means I can read your mind,’ Singrad said. ‘But don’t worry!’ - he quickly interjected when the woman pulled her hand away in shock - ‘I would never do it without your consent. Telepathy without permission on the Fren homeworld carries a high penalty.’ 

‘But I don’t remember anything,’ the woman said. ‘There’s nothing to read. And I’m not telepathic. I can’t read anyone’s mind.’

‘What species is she?’ Singrad said curiously, looking at River. ‘I can detect a low level psychic ability around her.’

‘Her species isn’t important,’ River said firmly. ‘She’s a friend of mine, or at least I think she is, who escaped from Servus but she still has friends there that we need to find.’

Singrad’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

‘She  _ escaped from Servus?’  _ He looked at the woman, eyes dark and brow furrowed. ‘My dear woman,  _ no-one  _ escapes from Servus. How on Luna did you do it?’

‘That’s the problem,’ River said, placing a soothing hand on the woman’s shoulder when she realised her wife looked ready to make a run for it. ‘She doesn’t remember. But I believe we may be able to unlock some of her memories, if you’re willing to help us.’ 

Singrad looked at River and they seemed to have a silent conversation before he sighed and turned his attention back to the woman, holding his hands open in the space between them in a non-threatening gesture. 

‘It’s your choice,’ he said slowly. ‘Remember, I can’t do anything without your consent. I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to bring your memories back either. If you had them wiped at Servus it may have been permanent, but I’ll do what I can. What do you think?’

The woman looked at River, and her eyes were so wide and vulnerable that River could barely stand it. She knew, in that instant, that the woman would do whatever River told her to do because she was the only person she knew she could trust. 

‘Will it help my friends?’

River smiled softly and squeezed her shoulder tightly. ‘It might do,’ she said gently. ‘But it has to be your choice, ultimately. If you’re not 100% willing, Professor Singrad won’t be able to help you.’

The woman nodded, expression firm, and turned back to Singrad, taking his hands. 

‘I’m willing. Let’s do this.’

‘Repeat after me,’ Singrad said. ‘I need your consent so that if something goes wrong, the high court on Fren knows that you agreed to it. I need you to say “I consent and gladly give”.’

Behind them, River made out a small sound that sounded a little like a sob which she quickly turned into a cough, and the woman repeated the words carefully.

‘I consent and gladly give.’

‘Well then,’ Singrad said. ‘Close your eyes and picture a white canvas. You may feel a little pushing and it may get uncomfortable. If you need me to stop, squeeze my hands, and I’ll stop immediately. Do you understand?’

The woman nodded and closed her eyes and Singrad glanced at River who nodded firmly.

‘Keep breathing,’ Singrad advised the woman, noticing she was holding her breath. ‘Here we go.’

* * *

_ ‘Ah. No. I think we might be in the wrong place,’ the Doctor said, stepping out of the TARDIS and shoving her hands into her pockets, looking around at the cold metal walls and wrinkling her nose at the onslaught of damp and rust climbing her nostrils. _

_ ‘Where are we?’ Graham asked, pulling a face. ‘Smells like the men’s bathroom at the bus depot in here.’ _

_ ‘Not sure,’ the Doctor said, and Yaz noticed the little line in her forehead was getting deeper and deeper as she grew more suspicious. ‘But the TARDIS would have brought us here for a reason. Maybe. Or she’s throwing a tantrum cause I still haven’t declogged the vortex grit from the engines. Quick look? Then we’ll hop back in and try for Santorini 6 again.’ _

_ ‘Giant water slides, this ain’t,’ Ryan said, raising an eyebrow, and the Doctor spread her arms wide. _

_ ‘You don’t know that! Let’s use this dusty, grim, gross smelling corridor as an opportunity to surprise ourselves. Come on you lot, let's have a mooch.’  _

* * *

‘Is she alright? She looks like she’s in pain.’

‘She’s doing great, she’ll let me know if she wants to stop.’

* * *

_ ‘Any idea as to where we are, Doc?’ Graham asked, walking at the Doctor’s side while Ryan and Yaz behind them discussed what else the smell reminded them of, trying to one-up each other every time. It had escalated pretty quickly, going from ‘my flat when dad was collecting all that rubbish’ to ‘if Godzilla only peed in the same place every time.’ _

_ ‘I’ve got a feeling,’ the Doctor declared, and Graham looked worried. _

_ ‘Uh oh. Good or bad?’ _

_ ‘Do you really want to know?’ _

_ ‘Ah. That’ll be a “bad” then.’ _

_ They came to a door at the end of the corridor and the Doctor felt along its edge, searching for a control panel or a mechanism that would open it. _

_ ‘Interesting,’ she said quietly. ‘Not seen a door like this since…’ Her face darkened and her three friends exchanged worried looks as she withdrew her sonic screwdriver and used it to open the door, striding through it purposefully and leaving Yaz, Graham and Ryan to follow behind her. _

* * *

‘Sweetie, remember you can stop if you need to.’

‘I’m inside her mind. I promise you she’s okay, she’s doing so well.’

* * *

_ ‘Doctor?’ Yaz asked quietly, standing by her side as she took in the expression on her friend’s face. Anger, fear, worry. ‘Where are we?’ _

_ ‘Oh, Yaz,’ the Doctor said. ‘We shouldn’t have come here.’ _

_ They were stood on a platform, high up above a deep chasm that seemed to go down and down and down with no sign of a bottom. Into the walls of the chasm were set small, metal boxes. There were hundreds of them spread out across the walls with metal platforms, similar to the ones the Doctor and her friends were stood on, allowing access to each level.  _

_ It took Yaz a few moments to realise that there were people in the boxes. _

_ ‘Doctor,’ Ryan said quietly. ‘Where are we?’ _

_ ‘This place shouldn’t exist anymore,’ the Doctor said, and her voice was low and dangerous. ‘No wonder the TARDIS brought us here.’ _

_ ‘Are they prisoners?’ Yaz asked, indicating the people in the boxes. They were close enough that Yaz could see them turning to face the four intruders, hands and bodies pressed up against the glass of their cell, mouths opening and closing. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she could take an educated guess. _

Run.

_ At the end of the platform the doors slid open and a group of guards ran through, guns held high and aimed at the four of them. _

_ The Doctor turned to run back to the TARDIS but their exit was blocked that way too by more guards, each more ugly than the last, slowly closing in on them until they were completely trapped. _

* * *

‘Remember, squeeze my hands if you need me to stop.’

‘She won’t! She’s too bloody stubborn! Doctor, that’s enough. Tell him you’ve had enough!’

* * *

_ She knew she was in trouble as soon as they scanned her. While there were a number of species in the galaxy with two hearts, there weren’t many that looked humanoid and had a respiratory bypass system as well as several other specifically Gallifreyan traits to go along with it. _

_ ‘Take her to the wipe room,’ one of the guards said, and the Doctor struggled in her captor’s grasp.  _

_ As soon as the guards had captured the four of them they’d made them strip and had forced them to wear scratchy, uncomfortable black clothes. Yaz could feel a rash forming along the top of her shoulderblades from the fabric as it rubbed against her skin.  _

_ ‘Wait, don’t you dare take her anywhere!’ Ryan yelled, shoving violently against the firm hands that held him tightly.  _

_ ‘Get your hands off her!’ Graham shouted.  _

_ ‘It’s fine! Don’t worry about me!’ the Doctor yelled, trying her best to dig her heels into the ground as she was dragged away from her friends. ‘Keep yourselves safe! I’ll come back for you! I swear I’ll come back for you!’ _

_ ‘Doctor!’ Yaz yelled, kicking against the arms almost crushing her. ‘Leave her alone! Don’t touch her! Doctor!’ _

_ ‘I’ll find you!’ the Doctor yelled, and then the door slammed shut and her friends were alone, unable to break free from the thick, muscular arms of their captors. _

_ The Doctor carried on fighting as she was dragged down the corridor, desperately trying to twist her way out of the hands that she could feel were leaving bruises on her arms. She was running out of ideas and, with a sinking feeling deep in her stomach, realised that she probably wouldn’t be able to talk her way out of this one. _

_ The wipe room was cold, and the metal grate scraped against her bare feet.  _

_ ‘Almost done, shove her in the corner we’ll get to her in a sec.’ _

_ There was a man strapped down to a chair in the centre of the room. Blood ran from his nose, ears, mouth and eyes and he looked at her emptily, slouched forwards and only held upright by the straps.  _

_ ‘I wouldn’t look if I were you, love,’ a technician at the controls said. ‘We usually wait until we’re finished with one before we bring in another.’ _

_ He said this with a pointed look at two of the guards flanking the Doctor, and one of them rolled their eyes. _

_ ‘Not my call. Boss wanted her done quickly.’ _

_ ‘Why? We still have a backlog.’ _

_ ‘I dunno. Take it up with him.’ _

_ There was a computer panel next to the Doctor and, with the guards still talking amongst themselves, she found it relatively easy to reach out her fingers to turn it on, rotating her wrist as gently as she could so the guard holding her arm didn't feel the movement. The panel hummed as it powered up but fortunately she wasn’t noticed and the Doctor quickly scrolled through the available programs, searching for one that would offer a solution out of the mess she was in. _

_ There! A teleport! _

_ Old, broken, and possibly a suicide mission but if she could just tweak the computer codes a teeny tiny bit it may be functional… _

_ The guards had taken her clothes, along with the contents of her pockets, but she’d managed to swipe the psychic paper with a sleight of hand Houdini would’ve been proud of and had it tucked into the pocket of the uncomfortable cargo trousers she was wearing. If she could leave an imprinted message on it… but to who? Where would she go? _

_ ‘Alright, you’re done. Out of the chair now come on.’ _

_ For a stomach-dropping instant the Doctor thought she was out of time, but then the poor soul in the chair slouched forwards and hit the ground with a thud and, mercifully and without knowing it, bought her a few more precious seconds. _

_ Translating the coordinates into Gallifreyan was easy. Her and Missy had spent many afternoons at the academy sending their tutor’s belongings pinging around the citadel using untranslatable teleport codes which couldn’t be traced, and the Doctor knew that none of the guards would have the faintest clue how to read her language. She made sure it was in High Gallifreyan though, just in case any of them knew a word or two of circular.  _

_ A small, flashing red button popped out the bottom of the console and the Doctor hurriedly caught it and shoved it into her pocket before the guards could notice, feeling for the psychic paper and setting up a mental link with it so she could leave a message. The man in the chair was being dragged out of the room by his ankles now, and she was being dragged towards it. _

_ ‘Don’t worry,’ the technician said cheerily as they strapped her down. ‘You won’t remember the pain in a minute. In fact, you won’t remember anything at all.’ _

_ The teleport pulse in her pocket would activate in 30 seconds and the Doctor concentrated as hard as she could, creating a message in her mind to be imprinted onto the psychic paper, ignoring the bad breath of the guard next to her or the sound of the machinery powering up. She’d only get one shot at this. She had to make it count. _

_ Melody. _

_ ‘Ready,’ another technician called. _

_ Find Melody. _

_ A bright, beautiful smile appeared in her head. Hair that defied gravity and eyes that sparkled like the oceans of Lurana 9. Where in River’s timeline the Doctor would end up was anyone’s guess, but there was no time to contemplate the potential universe-imploding consequences as then there was the sound of humming and the Doctor knew nothing but pain. _

* * *

‘I told you!’ River cried as the Doctor slumped over the sofa, landing heavily on the floor. ‘She’s too bloody stubborn.’

Once Singrad had helped River lift the unconscious woman back onto the sofa, he turned to her with hands still shaking.

‘The way she escaped. That should have been impossible.’

‘She’s a genius,’ River replied, stroking the blonde strands away from her wife’s face. ‘She’s good at escaping. How did she escape, by the way?’

‘And you knew,’ Singrad said accusingly, ignoring her question. ‘You knew she was the Doctor. You must have done.’

‘Oh thank the gods,’ River said, relieved. ‘Yes, I suspected she was the Doctor. I just needed confirmation she wasn’t another Time Lord who knew who I was.’

‘Your husband…’

‘Wife now.’ River smiled warmly, looking down at the Doctor with love in her eyes. ‘Never thought I’d be this lucky.’ 

‘She was right,’ Singrad said, pouring himself another whiskey and leaning back against the cushions, trying hard to block out the pulsing pain he’d felt coursing through her body and the screams that had ripped themselves from her throat. ‘She does have friends who are still there.’

River’s head snapped up. ‘Are they okay?’

‘They were,’ Singrad responded. ‘But Servus is a big station…’

‘I have the coordinates,’ River replied. ‘She sent them to me via psychic paper. We’ll get them out.’

‘I’m sure you will, Professor Song,’ Singrad replied, but his eyes were dark and empty. ‘But as to how much of them you’re able to rescue - only time will tell.’

 


	5. like the song that was soul singing in your head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it's been too long since you last updated when you have to read through the entire fic again just to work out the plot and where all the characters are!
> 
> Honestly my excuse for this one is life. 
> 
> Epically late, here's chapter 5!
> 
> Hopefully there won't be months and months between remaining chapters.

Yaz had no idea what she was doing. 

The Doctor always seemed to know exactly what buttons to press, exactly which switches do what, and while the TARDIS translated most languages - to a point - Yaz was still completely out of her depth. This keyboard wasn’t in any language they’d come across in their travels and Yaz was starting to run out of buttons to press. She knew she was stuffed, knew there was no way she could get them out of this, but at least she could say that she tried. If that was even worth anything when you were about to forget who you were. 

Graham and Ryan had their bodies pressed against the door, desperately trying to keep the guards from breaking it down. They were putting up a valiant effort, but so were the guards, and Yaz knew it wouldn’t be long before the door came crashing down and they were captured. 

‘How are you doing, Yaz?’ Graham asked, as politely and non-pushy as he could manage, which was impressive considering he and Ryan were taking a battering as they tried desperately hard to keep the door shut.

‘Great, just great,’ Yaz said, pressing every button she could find and hoping one of them would get them out of this mess. She tried to put herself in the Doctor's shoes, tried to picture what their friend would do in this situation, but push every button and hope for the best was probably the answer. 

‘Come on,’ Yaz muttered, flipping switches and giving the console a sharp kick with her foot. ‘ _ Do  _ something.’

The computer whirred and hummed under her fingertips, the screen flashing in a language Yaz didn't understand, and a small flashing red button appeared; dropping into a tray at the bottom of the console. Yaz lifted it up to her face and frowned at it, twisting the small device in her fingers as she tried to determine where it had come from. 

A sudden  _ smack  _ sent Graham and Ryan flying through the air as the heavy doors were flung open, guards streaming through with guns pointed at their faces. 

‘Sorry, Yaz,’ Ryan wheezed, struggling to his feet with an arm clutched across his chest. ‘We were a bit outnumbered.’

‘Well, at least we’re together,’ Graham said, as optimistically as possible with a hand on Yaz’s shoulder as the three of them stumbled backwards, away from the guard’s sneers and the barrels of their guns. 

‘And at least the Doctor got out,’ Ryan agreed. ‘Although I am a bit miffed she didn't come back for us like she said she would.’ 

Yaz had always thought she’d be frightened if someone pointed a gun at her - Jack Robertson didn't count - but at Ryan’s words she felt a flood of calm wash over her. They were going to die, but the Doctor had escaped. That was better than nothing.

‘We were going to mind wipe the three of you’ - a guard said, the slashes of grey on his collar highlighting him as some kind of official, perhaps this jail’s equivalent of a warden - ‘but you’re too unpredictable, so we’re going to kill you instead.’ 

‘Charming,’ Yaz mumbled, hands finding Ryan and Graham’s as the guns were pointed at their faces and the hum of energy weapons starting to power up began to fill the room. 

Then the red flashing button in Yaz’s hand activated, and the three of them disappeared. 

* * *

‘But we can’t leave them there!’ the Doctor protested, trying to get River’s attention as she was dragged back through the university, images and memories she couldn’t correlate to anything flashing through her head and making her disoriented. A blue box, blonde hair, a metal dog. What did it all  _ mean? _

‘I’m not saying we’re going to,’ River replied, pinching her forehead where a headache was beginning to form. ‘But we can’t just run in guns blazing, we need to actually  _ think  _ of a plan first. You escaping was practically a miracle but they still managed to hurt you.’

The hot flash of pain and burning that shoved itself to the front of the Doctor’s mind at the mention of it made her cry out and she dropped to her knees, hand pressed against her forehead as her body shook. She didn't remember the actual mind wipe, only the awful feeling of being held down, powerless to fight back. 

She drew the attention of some of the students making their way to lectures and River glared at them as she knelt beside her wife, her hand on her shoulder soothing and gentle. 

‘I’m sorry, my love,’ she said softly. ‘The residual effects from a telepathic link can be… uncomfortable.’

The Doctor looked at her, tears dripping down her face and expression miserable. She had her arms wrapped around her waist and River wondered if the bruises were hurting her. She rarely allowed herself to be vulnerable around her friends and the last time River had seen him openly cry was when Amy and Rory had been stolen by the Weeping Angels; all those years ago. In fact the Doctor looked so desperately sad that River found she had to remind herself that this woman  _ wasn’t  _ the Doctor. Or she was, but she wasn’t. The Doctor would have charged off to rescue her friends immediately, damn the consequences, but this woman was in pain and frightened and looked so pitiful River could almost feel tears welling up in her own eyes.

Almost. 

‘Come on,’ River said gently, sliding an arm across the Doctor’s back to help her stand on shaky legs. ‘Let's get you back to the house, then we’ll think of a plan.’ 

* * *

Yaz felt as though her insides had been dragged out through her nose then shoved back in again, and for a moment all she could do was lie on the ground and contemplate her existence. 

Beside her, Ryan and Graham were having similar issues and it took a long while for the three of them to finally drag themselves to their feet and take in their surroundings. 

They were in a busy square, aliens of all shapes and sizes scrutinising them through narrowed eyes as they walked past. The sky above was black and there were grey buildings stretching up into the air, cramped and shoved together. The air tasted foul, like smoke and dirt, and it took the three humans a while to realise they were lying in the middle of a busy intersection and were blocking up the traffic.

‘Get out of the road!’ someone yelled from their car, or what looked vaguely car shaped anyway, and - with enormous effort - Yaz, Graham and Ryan managed to drag themselves across the street and slumped awkwardly in front of a dumpster, trying to get their breath back as pain burned behind their eyes.

‘Ow,’ Graham complained, rubbing his face. ‘The hell was that?’

‘My tongue feels numb,’ Ryan said, sticking it out and going cross eyed trying to look at it.

‘I think that must have been the teleport,’ Yaz grumbled, rubbing her sore legs. ‘Maybe it isn’t supposed to carry three at once.’

‘Well I think all my limbs are still attached,’ Graham said, checking his arms and legs were still where he’d left them last. 

‘We should get out of sight,’ Yaz pointed out, struggling to stand. ‘I have no idea where we’ve ended up.’

‘It’s a dump,’ Ryan said, wiping his hand on his trousers when it came away covered in black from the road. A worrying thought occurred to him - would they be instantly recognizable due to the prison clothes of Servus? But he soon realised that the other inhabitants of this peculiar city were dressed almost exactly the same, and they fit in perfectly with everyone else. 

‘We’re in a dome,’ Graham realised, peering up into the sky. A large glass dome was visible against the skyline, though he couldn’t see the start or end of it. In fact it looked as though it stretched on for miles and miles, with that ominous black sky outside being kept at bay.

‘Start walking,’ Yaz murmured beside him. ‘We’re getting noticed.’

Walking was difficult and painful but gradually the three of them managed to walk away from the intersection, finding a small alley to hide in so they could catch their breath. 

‘How are we gonna find the Doctor?’ Ryan asked, looking down at his feet as though he regretted asking the question. ‘Did she end up here as well?’

‘I don’t know,’ Yaz shook her head. ‘I don’t even know how  _ we  _ ended up here. The guards said that the Doctor programmed the coordinates herself, whereas I think I must have hit an already-loaded destination.’

‘And judging from everyone’s outfits we’re probably still in the - what was it called? Kree empire?’ Graham said. 

‘ _ Kreen, _ ’ Ryan corrected him. ‘You’re thinking of the Marvel films.’ 

‘I guess we’re stuck here for a bit,’ Graham said. ‘At least until the Doc comes to get us.’

Ryan and Yaz said nothing and Graham sighed and looked at the ground. 

‘I know. It’s unlikely she’ll come get us. But you gotta hope, right?’ 

‘What if she does?’ Yaz said miserably. ‘Even if somehow she remembers she was supposed to rescue us how is she going to get here? That teleport is one way and the TARDIS is still on Servus.’

‘She’ll think of something,’ Graham protested. ‘She’s the Doc, she always does.’

‘But she’s not the Doc right now, is she?’ Ryan said quietly. ‘They took her identity. She’s...’

He was silent and Yaz felt the realisation of their friend’s loss come crashing down on her. She was gone. She escaped, but she was still gone.   
They were never going to see her again. 

‘It’s alright,’ Graham said gently, noticing the glum faces of his two friends. ‘I’ll stay hopeful enough for all three of us. And even if she doesn’t come and get us, even if this is it and we’re stuck here for the rest of our lives, at least we’re together, eh?’

Yaz and Ryan nodded and Graham smiled sadly. 

‘Admittedly this isn’t quite how I envisioned spending my retirement but hey, we got in some pretty good times along the way. Now come on, we’d better find somewhere to hide.’

It was at that moment that a door along the alleyway banged open, releasing clouds of steam that rose up into the air, and an angry face appeared from around it. It had a small, squashed head, green skin and angry purple eyes which glowered at them from the doorway and it spoke with a voice that sounded as though this creature had spent the last few hours sucking helium.

‘What are you three doing out there? Get your asses inside. I’m assuming you’re my new kitchen staff? At least I hope you bloody are. I was promised help weeks back.’

‘Yep! That’s us,’ Graham said cheerily, seizing the opportunity. 

‘What the hells are you doing out there then? Get inside!’ 

Graham turned to Ryan and Yaz.

‘What do you think? Somewhere to hide at least.’

‘Better than hanging around out here,’ Yaz agreed. 

‘Hopefully we can get some food too,’ Ryan said. ‘I’m starving.’

‘Are you lot deaf or something?!’ the creature yelled down the alley at them, and the three humans turned and headed towards it.

* * *

Drugging the Doctor hadn’t been on River’s agenda for the day but she’d got herself into such a state that it was the only logical course of action; to River’s mind, anyway. She tried to console herself with the knowledge that the Doctor had been in pain, both from her injuries and the subsequent telepathy, but the look the woman had given her when she’d realised River had drugged her drink hurt all the same. She was lost, alone, but she trusted her anyway. Well, for the time being at any rate. Probably not for much longer if River continued knocking her out at regular intervals. 

As the Doctor drooled into the couch cushions River dug out her vortex manipulator, entered the coordinates the Doctor had sent her, and paused with her hand over the controls. 

She’d promised the Doctor they’d go together but knew it was a bad idea. The other woman could barely stand let alone run if the occasion called for it and River didn't want to lead her back into danger. River had never been to Servus but she’d heard stories about it and didn't want her wife anywhere near it. Once was bad enough, twice was a definite no.

River crossed the room to kneel beside the Doctor, her wife frowning in her sleep as though she knew what River was planning.

‘I’m sorry my love,’ River said gently, tucking a blanket over her and leaving a soft kiss against her temple. ‘Please forgive me.’

She stood and looked down at the manipulator, checking her gun was attached to her belt still and letting out a sigh of resignation.

She knew the Doctor’s friends would be dead or wiped, and she had - briefly - considered finding some of the experimental memory drugs the chemistry lab were cooking up so she could finish off the Doctor’s mind wipe herself, but she knew she would never be able to forgive herself afterwards. 

‘Rush job,’ River whispered, looking down at the small blonde figure on her couch. ‘It was a rush job. You should never have been allowed to remember that you still had friends there.’ 

River pulled the psychic paper from her pocket, turned it over in her hands. The message was fading as the link faded with it but it strengthened her resolve and River shoved it back into her belt with a determined expression.

The Doctor trusted her to rescue her friends, or at least find out what happened to them. It was the least she could do.

‘You should be out for at least three hours,’ River informed her unconscious wife. ‘Don’t go waking up before then.’ 

Then she straightened her top, tied back her hair, and activated the manipulator.

 


	6. they tell me you'd never give it up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me the other day - 'I might delete this fic I have no idea where I'm going with it.'  
> Me today - '8 PAGES DOWN LET'S DO THIS.'
> 
> I mean I did say I'd try and avoid leaving a massive gap between chapters again so...
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who's left me such lovely comments!!! I honestly thought people had given up with this fic XD I will get back to all of you!
> 
> In the meantime, it's emotionally manipulating Yaz time.

The first thing that hit her was the smell. 

It was worse than decay, worse than rotting rubbish. It was the stench of human filth, of misery, of lost hope. River shoved her hand over her mouth and ducked out of sight behind a corner, listening for footsteps or voices heading in her direction. 

It was so black River’s eyes took a while to adjust, her other senses on high alert as she peered through the gloom. Something scuttered past her feet and she instinctively moved her foot to squash it, pulling a face at the squelch as whatever it was met its end under her boot. 

The manipulator began to beep on her wrist and River grinned as she read the display. Large traces of artron energy a few floors up? Now what could that be…

She stepped out into the corridor, gun drawn and eyes darting from side to side as they slowly began to pick out shapes in the darkness. There wasn’t much in this corridor, only a few boxes stacked on top of each other, empty cages, and a box of blood-stained clothing that reeked and made River’s stomach turn. Flickering electric lights on the ceiling that did nothing to illuminate the room put River in mind of a ghost train she’d once gone on at the funfair - at the Doctor’s insistence of course - and she pressed onwards through the dark, wanting to make a run for the TARDIS but also determined to find out what had happened to the Doctor’s friends first. She couldn’t go back without an answer, gods knew her wife would be angry enough that she’d gone without her, and it wasn’t as though she was ill prepared. River rarely needed anything in these kind of situations other than a gun. And military level sass. And a cute outfit. 

Footsteps sounded down the corridor, angry yelling echoing off the stone walls and River shot both of the guards square in the chest before they had a chance to discover her; their bodies dropping like sacks of potatoes to the ground.

River dragged them into a corner, hid them behind some boxes, and divested one of them of his clothes; slipping them on over her own outfit and pulling the visor of his helmet down low over her face. Tendrils of hair escaped from around her neck and she tucked them into the collar of the uniform, stealing his gun and resting it comfortably in her arms before setting off back the way the guards had come from.

Except something gave her pause. Behind a wooden crate with a _will bite_ warning stamped on it there was a shape on the wall, circular and familiar.

River crouched beside it, traced the Gallifreyan symbol with her finger and scronched her face in a manner the Doctor would be proud of.

‘“Typography”?’

River’s Gallifreyan was superb but even she couldn’t make heads nor tails of the message. She assumed one of the Doctor’s friends had left it there, perhaps as a message to the Doctor should she remember to come looking for them, but River couldn’t link it with anything. Perhaps they wanted their last message to the Doctor to be a request for her to make her handwriting more legible?

‘Not a clue,’ she murmured to herself, taking a picture with her manipulator and heading towards the shouting and raised voices in the distance, emerging into a small chamber not much better lit than the corridor she’d just left but containing a few cells with dirty floors and unrecognisable marks smeared on the walls. 

It was safe to say that the cells were in chaos. Guards stood around, shouting and yelling at each other, and River slipped in at the back; listening with interest to what they were saying.

‘ALL FOUR OF THEM,’ one of the guards - more senior looking judging by the stripes on his lapel - was yelling angrily. ‘You lost ALL FOUR OF THEM.’

River’s eyebrows shot into her hairline and she found she was suddenly grateful for the visor. Could it be true? Surely not. The Doctor escaping was a miracle in itself but if they _were_ referring to her friends then surely that was enough miracles for one day? A mind-wiped Time Lord escaping was one thing but three humans doing it was quite another. 

‘They used the teleport, general,’ another guard stammered. ‘But we’ve tracked their location and we have troops on their way to them now.’

‘How could they have used the teleport,’ the general growled, gritting his teeth, ‘when its been _broken for years.’_

‘She repaired it, the Time Lord,’ a different guard stuttered. ‘She repaired it then the three humans used it when we cornered them in the wipe room.’

River felt her heart pound fiercely in her chest. The Doctor had been right to send her here to rescue her friends. They were alive but better yet - they’d _escaped._

‘Where are they now?’ the general glared. ‘How many troops have been dispatched to their location?’

‘They’re on Rilion,’ the first guard replied. ‘We’ve sent one of our squadrons to intercept, 100 men.’

‘Send more,’ the general ordered. ‘I don’t want them escaping. Shoot them on sight, wiping them seems too risky now. Have any of you useless morons decrypted the Time Lord’s transport co-ordinates?’

‘No, sir,’ the second guard said, visibly frightened as to how the general may react. ‘There’s no one here who can read Gallifreyan, perhaps no one alive -’

The general shot him in the head and he dropped to the floor.

‘I don’t want excuses,’ he said to the remaining guards who had gone suddenly silent. His voice was cold and deep and it sent shivers down River’s spine. ‘I want solutions.’

‘Sir, there’s something else...’

Another guard stepped forward, hands twisting nervously in front of him; obviously concerned he was about to share his colleague’s fate.

‘Of course there bloody is,’ the general glowered, teeth gritted. ‘Out with it man.’

The guard swallowed thickly. 

‘It’s the Time Lord, sir. Her friends - the human girl - she called her - well, she called her… _Doctor.’_

The silence was so absoleute you could have heard a pin drop and River felt a smirk stretching across her face which she quickly squashed. It didn't matter where you were in the universe, if you were a baddie and you heard the Doctor's name you panicked.

‘You’re lying,’ the general said, though River could tell he didn't sound sure.

‘No, sir,’ the guard said miserably. ‘I heard her. They called her the Doctor.’ 

There was a vein throbbing in the general’s forehead but when he spoke he sounded surprisingly calm.

‘In which case,’ he said after a moment’s contemplation, ‘it’s even more important we find her. I want her dead and buried in a hole where no-one will ever find her body. I don’t want anyone finding out she was ever here, I don’t want anyone to even _think_ about coming here to look for her. _I WANT HER DEAD.’_

He yelled the last few words and the majority of the guards took a step back, eyes looking down at the ground as the general took a few moments to compose himself before sounding calmer.

‘As soon as the Doctor’s friends see us coming they’ll make a run for it and we can’t allow that to happen. So. Solutions.’

The silence stretched on for so long that River almost felt compelled to raise a hand and offer a solution herself when another guard stepped forward, taking off his helmet and resting it under the crook of his elbow. River felt dread and a deep sense of foreboding fill her at the sight of him. His skin was grey, head pointed, eyes slanted and large. She knew exactly what species he was. 

‘General,’ he said softly, voice full of silk. ‘I have an idea as to how we might lure them out of hiding.’

‘And what’s that?’ the general asked, head tilted in interest.

The guard put the helmet on the ground, closed his eyes, and _twisted._

It didn't take long, seconds perhaps, but a few moments later the Doctor was stood in front of them; arms folded across her chest, posture slouched and a smirk on her face; the whole image so un-Doctor like that River was able to see through the deception straight away.

‘Hello,’ the Doctor's voice said. ‘I’m the Doctor.’ 

The general grinned, showing teeth. 

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Yes you are.’ 

He stood up straight, arms outstretched as he looked around the assembled group of guards. 

‘THIS IS MORE LIKE IT,’ he bellowed, pointing at the imposter pretending to be the Doctor. ‘This is how you offer solutions.’ He looked at the fake-Doctor, a malicious glint in his eyes. ‘I want you to go with them to Rilion, find her friends, lure them out, then murder them all. I want you to stay in character. I want them to _believe_ it’s the Doctor that kills them. Do you understand?’

‘Yes, general,’ the imposter replied in the Northern tones that River had already come to love. It sounded wrong coming out of her mouth. Harsh, cold, no warmth at all. Even broken and without her memories the Doctor was as gentle and kind as she’d always been and River prayed she’d be able to get to her friends before this fake version did. Or, if not, she prayed they’d be able to see straight through the lie. 

‘Get moving,’ the general said, moving through the men as he made his way to the door. ‘I want them executed by this evening and I want their bodies strung up as a warning to anyone else who has the same idea. You _do not escape Servus.’_

River ducked her head down as the general passed by, locking eyes with the dead man on the floor who was staring up at the ceiling, seeing nothing. 

Another guard stepped towards the fake-Doctor, shoving a box into her hands. 

‘This is her stuff,’ he grunted. ‘We leave immediately.’

River stayed until the dead guard was dragged away and the chamber was empty, then activated her manipulator and began to make her way towards the TARDIS, relying on the blip on the small keypad to lead her safely through the rabbit warren of tunnels, ducking out of sight when the guards walked towards her or shooting them before they had a chance to raise the alarm. She was almost stuck at the doors that separated the levels and was about to blast the lock off, worried about the noise it may attract, when she found the keycard hidden in the pocket of the guard’s uniform. After that it was almost laughable how easily she found the ship and the TARDIS doors opened before she’d even laid a hand on the wood, beckoning her inside urgently.

‘Love the new desktop,’ River said, admiring the console as she expertly navigated her way around the new systems, sending the TARDIS into flight without so much as a lurch. She was about to land, having piloted to Rilion, when she paused, hand hovering over the landing brake.

The Doctor’s friends had never met her before, and gods knew they weren’t going to take her at her word, especially after what had just happened to them. 

‘But I’ve got the TARDIS,’ River mused, looking up at the central column thoughtfully. ‘Surely that will be enough.’

_But not if the fake Doctor gets there first and they believe her. They have teleports, they may have beaten me to them already._

River gritted her teeth. She knew what she had to do, she was just loath to do it. Yaz, Graham and Ryan wouldn’t believe a word she said without proof - and if the fake Doctor got there first then the TARDIS wasn’t going to be enough - and _surely_ they knew she’d been mind wiped? The cells were so close to the wipe room they must have heard her -

River cut off that thought before she finished it. Picturing the Doctor’s screams wasn’t something she wanted in her head. 

Reluctantly, River changed the coordinates; heading back to the university.

She needed the Doctor. The real one. 

* * *

Yaz collapsed into the thin cot with a heavy sigh, hands burning after a full day scrubbing pots in the kitchen. It had been steaming hot back there and sweat had poured off her all afternoon, soaking into the black clothes which she’d tried to wash in the tiny sink and now had hanging up to dry. Graham and Ryan were in another room with the male slaves and Yaz was with four other women, all silent and not speaking to each other as they lay in the darkness. 

Yaz lay on her back, looking up at the ceiling as exhaustion clawed at her. Working in the kitchen hadn’t actually been so bad, all things considered. Her hands hurt, her feet ached and she felt wiped out but at least she’d been so busy she hadn’t had time to think about...

It was a weird feeling, loss. If the Doctor had been shot dead in front of her Yaz didn't think it would be so bad, at least then she’d know she was dead and there was no point hoping or wishing for a tiny miracle. The Doctor escaping after having her memory wiped was worse. _Much_ worse, and Yaz was having difficulty processing it. Her friend was out there, still alive, hopefully safe, but she’d forgotten all about her three human friends and wasn’t going to come looking for them. Yaz tried to mourn her, but found she couldn’t. How could you mourn someone that wasn’t dead? Graham seemed cautiously optimistic but Yaz was trying not to be, trying to be the more realistic one, though there was a tiny corner in her heart that still had hope and, try as she might, Yaz couldn’t shake it. Was she mourning the Doctor as a person or the adventures and memories that now only seemed like daydreams? There would be no more roasting marshmallows on the TARDIS roof, no more film evenings, no more running through waterfalls and getting soaking wet. Ryan would never again get to challenge the Doctor to an arm wrestle he knew he was destined to lose, Graham would never get to sit with her in the library and read, and Yaz would never -

Yaz rolled onto her side, drew her knees up to her chest and sobbed silently into the scratchy material that served as her pillow.

Yaz would never get to tell her how she really felt. Would never get to see her happy face in the morning. Would never be hugged by her, have her hand held by her, cosy up to her in front of the fire after a long day. 

Perhaps she should try mourning the idea of the Doctor, rather than the woman herself, but all she could focus on was the tremendous loss that shook every ounce of her. 

This was her life now. Working in the kitchen of a restaurant until she died of exhaustion, was sold to someone else, or was wiped or shot by the guards once they inevitably found her. The three of them couldn’t hide forever, even if they were in the back of a busy kitchen all day. They’d be discovered and when they did Yaz had no doubts that an imaginative death had been planned for them. 

‘Please find me,’ Yaz whispered into the pillow, eyes screwed tightly shut as she tried to picture the Doctor’s bright, happy face; but all she could think about was the screams that had echoed down the corridor and she pressed her hands against her ears, desperate to block out the sound. 

The Doctor was gone. This was her life now.

* * *

The Doctor was still asleep on the sofa when River landed, though she did stretch out her hand and frown in her sleep as the grinding of the TARDIS filled the room; as though the part of her that was still connected to her ship could sense her arrival. 

River rummaged around in her bathroom cupboards as the Doctor slowly started to wake up downstairs, searching for the box of hair dye she knew she had tucked away somewhere. She’d bought it years ago for a heist but hadn’t needed it in the end, something she was grateful for now as she retrieved the small bottle and left it by the sink, getting a towel ready and retrieving the black Servus clothes from the dryer. 

The Doctor appeared in the bathroom door, woosy on her feet and blinking around in confusion.

‘River?’

She caught sight of River, still dressed in the stolen Servus uniform, and pinwheeled back so impressively she almost went over the side of the bannisters and River had to shoot out a hand to catch her.

‘No, get off me!’ the Doctor yelled, throwing out her hand and catching River in the side of the face. ‘Leave me alone!’

‘Doctor, it’s me. It’s River,’ River pleaded with her, cheek burning as she tried desperately hard to catch hold of her wife before she fell down the stairs. ‘I’m here, look.’

She tugged the zip of the uniform down revealing her own outfit underneath and the Doctor paused, staring at her in confusion.

‘But… you’re... you hurt me.’ 

Her eyes were narrowed and glazed, as though she was struggling to work out what was real and what wasn’t, and she was still a little too close to the top of the stairs for River’s liking. 

‘I would never hurt you, my darling,’ River said gently, taking her hand and guiding her to sit down on the side of the bath. ‘I went to Servus, to try and find your friends.’

The Doctor’s face dropped and the look of betrayal on her face hurt River more than she thought it would.

‘You went without me?’ she asked in a small voice, and River nodded apologetically.

‘I’m sorry, I was worried you’d get hurt.’

‘I hit you,’ the Doctor murmured, bringing up a hand to trace the red patch on River’s face. River took the hand and kissed it gently, then leaned down to kiss the Doctor’s forehead.

‘You didn't mean it, I frightened you. It’s alright.’

‘I’m sorry.’

River was shocked to find tears welling up in the Doctor's eyes and she kissed them away gently, squeezing her wife’s hand in comfort. 

‘It’s alright, no apologies needed,’ she said gently. ‘I have some good news about your friends.’

‘You found them?’ the Doctor asked, looking up at her with a voice full of hope. 

‘No, not exactly. But I did find out that they were able to escape! I know where they’re hiding, we’re going to go and find them.’

‘We’re going to find my friends!’ the Doctor's eyes lit up and River felt guilt clawing at her again. She ran her fingers through her wife’s hair. It was a beautiful colour, bright and soft and River murmured an apology to the fashion gods for the atrocity she was about to commit.

‘We’re going to try,’ River said, as gently as she could. ‘But the guards know where they are as well and they’re also looking for them, as well as searching for you. We need to be quick, but you can’t go out dressed like that. You look too - bright.’

The Doctor’s face scronched.

‘Bright?’

‘Yes. They know what you look like and your hair will stick out from a mile away. We need to change the colour.’

‘The colour?’ the Doctor’s hand went to her hair, tugging at it protectively. ‘But it’s a nice colour.’

‘It’s a beautiful colour, but it’s too obvious,’ River said firmly, pressing the bottle of hair dye into her hand. ‘If we’re going to have any chance of finding your friends, you’re going to need to blend in.’ 

The Doctor looked at the brown sludge in the bottle, lips curling in resolve.

‘For my friends,’ she said quietly, then she looked up at River with such determination in her eyes that River could almost believe she was still - well, still the Doctor. 

‘Let’s do this.’ 

* * *

After a fitful, uncomfortable and unfulfilling night’s sleep Yaz found herself back in the kitchen with the other slaves, elbows deep in dirty dish water as she cleaned the same plate over and over again; the dirt stubbornly refusing to move no matter how hard she scrubbed.

Part of her wanted to give up, not seeing the point in trying to get one plate clean when the others were black and crusted with food, but the steam from the hot water and pots around her hid her face and she was able to cry silently into the water; unable to stop no matter how much she tried to pull herself together. Her heart ached for the Doctor, for Ryan and Graham, for their inevitable fate when they were discovered. Part of her wanted to grab the two men and run but what was the point? Where would they go? 

Across the room from her Ryan caught her eye. He was stirring a pot of something thick and foul smelling and his eyes were red also, though Yaz couldn’t tell if it was from the ingredients in the stew or misery like her own tears.

‘3435!’ a voice yelled from the doorway. ‘Get out here.’

Yaz continued trying to clean the plate, her thoughts spinning round and round as the dishcloth did the same. 

A tea towel smacked sharply into her ear and she stumbled back, dropping the plate which smashed all over the floor as she clutched her face in pain. 

‘Clumsy idiot!’ the green-skinned purple-eyed alien that had found them in the alley yesterday screamed at her. ‘Respond when I’m talking to you! Now get outside, we’ve got guards from Servus that need feeding. Hopefully they’ll wipe the idiocy out of you before they send you back here.’

  1. _That’s me now. No name, just a number._



Yaz looked up at Ryan and then at Graham. Their faces had fallen, skin pale, eyes large and panicked but Yaz shook her head at them gently. If the guards knew the three humans were there they would have barged in and shot them all, though surely that couldn’t be kept a secret for much longer. 

‘Stay here,’ Yaz mouthed at them, then she turned and followed the green-skinned alien out into the main dining room, waiting to come face to face with a gun. At least if they heard the gunshot Ryan and Graham would have a few moments to try and get away, that was something at least.

‘Hold this, in case they’re thirsty,’ the alien said, handing her a tray laden with cups of something black into her hands and shoving a notebook at her. ‘Take their orders quickly, I don’t want to keep them waiting.’

Yaz nodded, heart pounding as she made her way over to the table the alien had indicated. So they weren’t here to see her specifically, but surely they knew what she looked like and she’d be recognised immediately? 

‘Good morning,’ she mumbled when she reached the table, too frightened to look up. ‘Would you like to order food?’

‘That would be great,’ the Doctor’s voice said, and when Yaz looked up into the eyes of her friend the tray of cups slipped from her hands and smashed into a thousand fragments on the tiled floor.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aureia - Yaz's Gallifreyan still needs some work XD


	7. and the more that you want it the more that you need it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am LOVING everyone's comments ^_^ ^_^ I swear I will reply to all of you!
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking with this story! <3 <3

‘And you’re _sure_ it was her?’ Ryan asked urgently and Yaz nodded miserably. 

‘I’m sure. But it isn’t her, not really. She looked straight through me. She had no idea who I was.’

‘You don’t know that, Yaz,’ Graham urged. ‘Maybe she was trying to protect you, ignoring you so she didn't give you away?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Yaz said, still unwilling to dare hope. There had been no recognition in the Doctor’s eyes, no kindness. They were hard and cold like the other guards around her and they’d regarded her with contempt as she’d knelt on the ground to sweep up the broken shards of glass whilst the green-skinned alien had screamed blue murder at her. 

‘But she escaped,’ Ryan said, brow furrowed. ‘They said so, didn't they? She escaped and they couldn’t translate the teleportation coordinates to go after her.’

‘She obviously didn't get very far,’ Graham said, eyes full of sadness. ‘She must have entered the sequence wrong, her mind was probably all over the place when she did it.’

‘But her mind is _always_ all over the place,’ Ryan interjected quickly. ‘She thinks so fast! Does things so fast! I just can’t believe she’d get that wrong, not when it was so important? Not when she knew we’d be relying on her as well?’

‘She makes mistakes just like the rest of us, son,’ Graham said gently, a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. ‘At least she’s still alive though, eh?’

‘But living the rest of her life as one of them,’ Yaz realised. ‘She wouldn’t want that.’ 

There was silence as the three of them considered this, something akin to horror settling in their stomachs at the thought of the Doctor - whose kindness knew no limits - being forced to work for a slave organisation which went against everything she stood for. They were all in the kitchen, stood near the back behind the steam rising from the pots so they could talk in private. Or relative private anyway, every now and then Yaz would catch the eyes of the other slaves watching them with curiosity. 

Graham rubbed his eyes tiredly, the backs of his hands sore and cracked from the harsh cleaning chemicals he’d been scrubbing the floor with. 

‘I don’t know what to suggest,’ he said quietly. ‘It looks as though we’ve lost her for good.’

‘You don’t know that,’ Ryan insisted. ‘Maybe it’s only temporary? Maybe the wipe will wear off?’

‘They burned out all her memories, Ryan,’ Yaz said as gently as she could. ‘I don’t think the wipe wearing off is an option.’

‘So what are we supposed to do?’ Ryan cried, tears of frustration in his eyes. ‘Let her carry on with that lot torturing and murdering innocents? If she’s on their side now the universe has no chance, they may as well just surrender now. It would be kinder to put a bullet in her head and put her out of her misery.’

‘Hush,’ Graham hissed at him, noticing the stares they were starting to attract. ‘No-one is suggesting that.’

But Yaz was quiet.

‘Yaz,’ Graham murmured. ‘You can’t honestly be considering…’

She shook her head sadly. 

‘No,’ she whispered, so quietly the two men almost couldn’t hear her. ‘I couldn’t.’ 

‘Neither could I,’ Ryan sighed. 

‘Don’t say that like it’s a bad thing,’ Graham urged the two of them. ‘Now come on, we’d better get back to work before this lot say anything to Jabba the Hutt. Keep your heads down, we’ll try and chat about it some more later.’

* * *

‘Why did I come to you?’ the Doctor asked suddenly, sticking her head around the bathroom door as she shrugged on her black Servus clothes; the question catching River completely by surprise, though she’d been half expecting it.

‘Well, that’s a rather long story,’ she said carefully, trying to work out how much she was willing to divulge without confusing the poor woman.

‘Can you shorten it?’ the Doctor asked hopefully. ‘I mean I get that you’re extremely important to me and I obviously trust you a lot but - why?’ 

‘Well, I suppose the easiest explanation would be - we’re married,’ River said gently.

‘What does that mean?’

Ah. Maybe not.

River took the Doctor’s hand and guided her to sit on the edge of her bed so she could dry her hair, running the short dark strands through her fingers as she checked the dye had covered everything and there were no strands of blonde peeking through. 

‘It means you’re my wife, and I’m yours,’ River explained carefully. ‘It means we took a vow - sort of like a promise - to always protect and take care of one another, to keep each other safe.’

 _And to not destroy the universe,_ though River kept that bit a secret. 

‘That sounds important,’ the Doctor said thoughtfully. _‘Wife._ Have I kept that promise?’

‘Yes,’ River said with a smile. ‘You always do.’

The Doctor seemed happy with this answer, but then her face scronched in the manner that River was starting to realise came hand-in-hand with this regeneration and she asked the question River had been dreading.

‘Then why _didn't_ you recognise me straight away if I’m so important to you? You said before that it’s because I look different whenever you see me, that I do my hair different sometimes, but that doesn’t make sense?’

River winced at the harshness of the question, though she knew the Doctor didn't mean it in that way, and she sat beside her on the bed and tucked an arm across her back; the other woman immediately nestling against her and resting her head against her shoulder. This version of the Doctor was apparently a cuddler and River hoped she’d be able to take full advantage of that when her friends were safe.

If her friends were safe. 

‘There is an answer to that question but it’s extremely complicated and I don’t want to overwhelm you,’ River said softly. ‘I will tell you, but let’s get your friends safe first.’ 

The Doctor looked uncertain, but nodded all the same, and River kissed her gently on the forehead. Her reaction was a bit of a shock, therefore, when the Doctor practically shoved her entire body into her, head pushing upwards against River’s lips as she sought out the contact, and when River pulled away there was a dopey smile on the other woman’s face.

‘What was that?’ she asked, pupils large and face shocked.

‘That was a kiss, sweetie,’ River replied with a soft laugh. ‘It’s how people who care about each other show affection.’

‘Is it because you’re my wife?’

‘Yes, darling. Though you don’t need to be married to someone to kiss them. It’s just a nice thing to do with another person.’ 

‘Can we do it again?’ the Doctor asked, sounding hopefully, and River smiled. 

‘Would you like me to kiss you properly?’

Her eyes boggled.

‘Was that not a _proper_ kiss?!’

‘It’s not the way we usually kiss, no.’

‘How do we usually kiss?’

The Doctor’s face was flushed and she was squirming a little, as though unsure what to do with herself. River gently took her face inbetween her hands. 

‘Close your eyes,’ she said soothingly, ‘and I’ll show you.’ 

The Doctor’s lips were soft and warm under her own, and River started off as slow as she dared; letting the other woman get used to the peculiar sensation. 

She needn’t have bothered though, as a few moments later the Doctor pulled her onto the bed, lying beneath her with her hands in River’s hair as she tried to pull them impossibly closer. This wasn’t what River would have expected of someone who’d only found out what a kiss was a few moments before, but it was hot and so _so_ good and she’d missed her wife so much and -

River had to pull away when she realised she was about to slide her hand up her wife’s top. Sex definitly _wasn’t_ something she wanted to have to explain today, though what a night that would be.

The Doctor blinked up at her, hair askew and lips swollen. Her pupils were blown wide and her breath was coming out in short gasps. For a moment, hidden behind the veil of lust in her eyes, there was a glint of something that was distinctly _Doctor;_ but it was gone in an instant.

‘Why did you stop?’ the Doctor whined, hands on her arms trying to pull her back down.

‘We’ll have time for this later, sweetie,’ River said, sitting up carefully and patting down her hair. ‘But we need to find your friends.’

‘My friends!’ 

The Doctor jumped off the bed like a shot, guilt and terror across her face.

‘I forgot about my friends. _I forgot about my friends.’_

‘It’s alright,’ River said soothingly, trying to calm her down as she got more and more agitated. Drugging her on this occasion wouldn’t be an option, she needed her with her wits about her. 

‘But I forgot them,’ the Doctor said in distress. ‘How could I do that?’

‘Hush, love. It’s not your fault,’ River reassured her. ‘Your mind was put through a blender it’s amazing you remembered them at all. Now come on. The good thing about having a time machine is you don’t have to keep them waiting for much longer.’

‘A _what_ machine?’

* * *

The wonder and joy on the Doctor’s face after stepping inside the TARDIS was both simultaneously endearing and heartbreaking and River tried not to let it distract her as she piloted the TARDIS back to Rilion; the Doctor now back in her black Servus clothes with her hair a muddy brown colour. 

River did feel bad about that, but head coverings weren’t allowed in the Kreen Empire and blonde wasn’t a common colour. Her own hair she’d be able to hide under the guard’s stolen helmet, but the Doctor's would have stuck out like a sore thumb.

‘This is a spaceship?’ the Doctor asked, staring up at the ceiling as the TARDIS bonged and binged and made all manner of noises. She was trying to communicate with her, River realised sadly, but the Doctor simply couldn’t make heads nor tails of the sounds anymore. 

‘Yes, it’s _your_ spaceship,’ River replied, and the Doctor’s eyes went out on stalks.

 _‘MY_ spaceship?’

The TARDIS hummed sadly and River stroked the console soothingly. 

‘She’s called a TARDIS,’ River explained. ‘Time And Relative Dimension In Space.’

‘That’s a very long name,’ the Doctor said, examining the buttons on the console with curiosity. ‘What does this do?’

She flicked a switch before River had a chance to tell her not to but the TARDIS, perhaps feeling impish, illuminated the circular lights along the wall panels into disco colours until River half expected a disco ball to come down from the ceiling. 

The Doctor laughed in delight, grinning up at the ceiling as the lights flashed on and off and - with a heavy heart - River realised they’d arrived.

‘Keep to my side,’ she told her wife, zipping up her uniform. ‘Keep your eyes on the ground and say nothing. We’ll walk around and see if we can spot your friends. If you think you see them don’t say anything, just nudge me and I’ll find us somewhere safe to talk. Sound okay?’

The Doctor nodded grimly and River stuck her head out of the TARDIS doors, checking it was safe to leave.

‘What happened to the sky?’ the Doctor whispered to her, looking up at the black fog outside of the dome and the occasional flashes of lightning that illuminated the grubby city inside it.

‘This planet is uninhabitable,’ River explained, scanning quickly with her manipulator to check if any _real_ Kreen guards were nearby. ‘The dome was built with a specially created artificial atmosphere, the ideal hiding place. No-one would suspect anyone of living on this planet when the atmosphere is so putrid. It would burn your lungs in minutes. The coast is clear, stick to my side and say nothing.’

River and the Doctor stepped out of the TARDIS and the Doctor, following River’s instructions, kept her chin against her chest and her eyes trained on the ground as they walked; River maintaining a firm grip on her arm as she looked around through the scratched glass of her visor. 

Other slaves hurried back and forth through the streets, arms piled high with equipment or goods for their owners, and the guards patrolling the area occasionally gave them a kick or tripped them up when they ran past; laughing when they fell flat on their faces and whatever it was they were carrying smashed on the ground.

The Doctor was shaking, River realised, perhaps experiencing some kind of flashback to her time in Servus but while River longed to comfort her she knew she couldn’t for it would certainly give her away. She squeezed her arm a little tighter instead, hoping that the knowledge she was safe with her would be something at least. 

They walked for about an hour around the city, the Doctor carefully lifting her head every now and then to see if she could spot any of her friends, but it wasn’t until a young man carrying a bag of some kind of fruit dashed across the road that she froze so suddenly River almost tripped. Seconds later, River received a hard nudge from a bony elbow directly into her ribs. 

It took a few more minutes before River was able to find a safe spot for them to talk, and the Doctor’s eyes were wide with excitement.

‘I knew him,’ she hissed at River, struggling to keep her voice down. ‘I swear, I knew him from somewhere.’

‘Was it Ryan or Graham?’ River asked urgently and the Doctor’s face fell instantly. 

‘I don’t - I don’t…’

‘It’s alright, sweetie,’ River reassured her quickly. ‘It doesn’t matter which one. Is he one of your friends, do you think?’

‘I think so,’ the Doctor replied, face scronched in concentration. ‘Or he was with me. You know, when they… hurt me.’

River heard the low voices of more guards coming towards them and she dragged the Doctor out of the alleyway, the other woman immediately looking down to the ground as they passed by them. 

‘I’ll head after him,’ she said quietly, voice as low as she could make it. ‘We should get you somewhere safe.’

‘No, I have to come with you,’ the Doctor insisted. ‘Wasn’t that the plan? They’ll trust me, they don’t know you.’ 

‘Darling you don’t know _yourself -’_

But a commotion from up ahead caught their attention and River watched as a young woman with long dark hair was shoved against a wall by two Servus guards, sneers on their ugly flat faces. The bag of rubbish she’d been carrying dropped to the ground and spilled open, littering the narrow alleyway and creating an almighty stench that did nothing to improve the already foul air.  

‘3435,’ one of the guards said with an ugly grin. ‘I’ve been watching you for a while. Pretty little thing aren’t you?’

‘Please, leave me alone,’ the woman begged. ‘I mustn’t be late.’ 

The Doctor, River had realised, was watching the scene unfold in horror - forgetting completely about keeping her eyes down to the ground. River could feel her straining against her arm, desperate to rescue the young woman, and she knew before she spoke the woman’s name who 3435 was.

‘Yaz,’ the Doctor whispered. ‘That’s Yaz.’ 

* * *

At the mention of her name, even from a distance, Yaz’s head snapped up and she peered into the darkness, though the smog was so thick she could barely make out anything. 

‘What are you looking at?’ the guard smirked, a hand on her neck squeezing tightly till Yaz was gasping for air and clawing at him to let go.

‘No-one’s coming to save you, now keep still and try not to wriggle. We _hate_ wrigglers.’ 

A flash of yellow appeared out of nowhere and the grip around her neck loosened as the guard was knocked to the ground, Yaz sliding down the wall and landing with a thump on the hard ground. 

‘What the hell?’ the other guard muttered, but he too was thrown into the darkness and Yaz saw them get up and scurry away, legging it away from the alley as her mysterious rescuer emerged from the shadows.

‘Sorry, Yasmin,’ the Doctor said, a smile on her face. ‘I was a bit slow there. You okay? Where are Ryan and Graham?’

Yaz stared at her. 

She was still wearing the guard’s uniform Yaz had seen her in earlier, blonde hair contrasting as it hung around the dark material of her collar. She looked fine, not a scratch on her, though there was something off about her that Yaz was unsure about. Perhaps they had hurt her in some way? She didn't seem to be herself, though she looked it in every other way.

‘Doc- Doctor?’

‘That’s me,’ the Doctor said, pulling Yaz up from the ground and hugging her tightly. ‘I’m sorry I took so long. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?’

Cool fingers traced the marks on her neck and Yaz coughed, feeling her throat burn with the effort of speech.

‘I - but you - they - they took your memories -’

‘Not really,’ the Doctor said quickly. ‘Time Lord trick. I squashed them down, made them _think_ they’d wiped me, then got out of there as soon as I could! They caught up with me eventually though so I played along and let then think I was brainless. Ryan and Graham? Are they safe? I have a plan to get us all out of here. Can you grab them and meet me back here this evening?’

Yaz didn't know what to say, could hardly speak. She’d thought the Doctor was gone, lost to them forever yet here she was in front of her, telling her she was fine all along? She couldn’t process it, didn't understand the emotions she was feeling. Joy yes, love also. But something else she couldn’t name… 

To hell with it. The Doctor was here and she’d waited this long. 

Yaz surged forwards and shoved her lips against the Doctor's, felt the other woman’s surprise as she pushed her against the wall. Then, seconds later, their positions switched and it was Yaz being pinned against the wall, the Doctor’s mouth on her neck as she kissed the bruises gently, fingernails digging into her hips. 

‘I love you,’ Yaz sobbed, emotions overwhelming her as she clung to the other woman. ‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you,’ the Doctor replied, kissing the side of her mouth, her cheek, her lips. She was everywhere and Yaz was lost in her, desperate to feel everything. She’d forgotten all about the bin bag she was supposed to have disposed of, the two men waiting for her in the kitchen so they could discuss what to do next. The Doctor was back. She was safe. She’d get them all home. 

‘I’m sorry I didn't tell you how I felt before,’ the Doctor whispered, breath hot against Yaz’s neck. ‘I just didn't think you felt the same way about me.’

‘How could you think that?’ Yaz whispered, heart pounding against her chest as the Doctor kissed her neck slowly, hands gripping her waist. ‘I adore you.’

‘Good,’ the Doctor murmured, lips moving up to Yaz’s mouth as she kissed her hard, pulling her so close Yaz felt dizzy. 

She raised a hand to the Doctor’s chest, gripping tightly at her shoulder as the Doctor pushed her against the wall and slipped her tongue into her mouth, heat and desire flooding through Yaz’s body at the incredible sensations. The Doctor was kissing her, the Doctor wanted her, the Doctor -

She almost missed it. She _would’ve_ missed it, except the Doctor had taken hold of Yaz’s arms to pin her against the wall and Yaz had subconsciously wrapped her fingers around her wrists and -

And she only had one heartbeat.

The Doctor had two hearts. 

Yaz named the previously unknown feeling.

Suspicion. 

‘What’s wrong?’ the Doctor murmured quietly, picking up on Yaz’s hesitation.

‘Nothing’s wrong,’ Yaz replied quickly, plastering what she hoped was a reassuring smile on her face. ‘I just can’t believe this is finally happening. I’ve wanted this for so long, ever since you fell through the roof of that bus.’

The Doctor smiled. ‘That was so long ago,’ she agreed. 

It was the little things that were giving her away. The little things that had been niggling at Yaz ever since she’d seen her but which she was only just starting to notice. Her earring was gone. The circle of brown in her green eyes had vanished. Her hair was the wrong shade of blonde. It was as though someone had seen a picture of the Doctor and tried to replicate it, missing the tiny important parts of her that made her _her._ Not to mention her version of events. _She’d abandoned them at the station._ The Doctor would never do that. _Could_ never do that. And since when was she this bold? Yaz had been trying to flirt with her for _months_ and she’d never had a reaction like this. 

‘I’m so glad you stuck around for Mary’s funeral,’ Yaz whispered, mouth at the Doctor’s neck to hide her face as she tried to keep up the pretence. ‘I would have missed you so much if you’d left.’

‘I’ll never leave you, Yasmin,’ the Doctor said softly, hands either side of Yaz’s face as she kissed her gently. 

_Yasmin._

_Yaz to my friends._

Yaz had never once heard the Doctor called her Yasmin.

‘Meet me here later this evening, yeah?’ the Doctor said urgently, pulling away from her. ‘With Ryan and Graham. I can steal a teleport from the guards and get us all out of here. Make sure you bring them, I don’t think we’re gonna have time for more than one trip.’

‘I will,’ Yaz whispered, voice hollow, and the Doctor kissed her once more then stepped away, disappearing into the darkness and leaving Yaz alone.

Something else the Doctor would never do.

A trap. It was all a trap. She’d almost led her two best friends into a trap. 

Yaz sank to the ground and felt the tears fill her eyes. The Doctor was gone. She wasn’t coming back and it was foolish for her to believe otherwise. This woman wasn’t the Doctor, only a poor imitation of her, but when she’d kissed her it had felt…

Incredible. Like stars exploding behind her eyelids.

But she’d known she wasn’t the Doctor, hadn’t she? Why else had she kept Ryan and Graham’s location secret from her? It had been on the tip of her tongue, the words there and ready in her mouth - _we’re all here -_ but she’d changed her mind, opted to keep it a secret. Why else would she do that? Part of her had known all along that she was being tricked but she’d let herself go along with it anyway, so desperate was she to see her friend again, to finally tell her how she felt. 

She pressed her hands over her eyes and finally let the full extent of her loss crash over her. Her best friend was gone and she was stranded on a slave planet with no future and no life to speak of. There was no-one coming to rescue her, no-one left who loved her, and she’d likely die alone the very next day because there was no way in hell she was going to betray Ryan and Graham; no matter what they did to her. Maybe she’d tell this fake-Doctor that they were both dead, that she’d lied so she wouldn’t hurt her. 

‘3435, isn’t it?’ a voice said from above her, and Yaz jumped up, startled by the sudden appearance of one of the guards who was suddenly right in front of her; visor pulled down over their face and gun slung across their shoulder. 

‘Y-yes, sir,’ Yaz stammered. ‘I-I’m 3435. I’m so sorry, sir. I’ll go back into the kitchen now.’

She tried to run but the guard grabbed her wrist and held on tightly, carefully steering Yaz behind a dumpster and pushing her against the very same wall the Doctor had just kissed her against.

Or not the Doctor. God knows who that had been.

A hand pressed against her mouth, not that Yaz was planning on making a sound. There was no point in screaming, no point in begging for her life. Perhaps it was better this way, for her to die before they got the opportunity to torture Ryan and Graham’s location out of her. 

Yaz closed her eyes and waited for death.

‘That’s _so_ much better,’ the guard said with a satisfied sigh, and Yaz opened her eyes to find a woman in front of her, the guard’s helmet now discarded on the ground and a mop of curly hair springing out from around her face.

‘Hello, you must be Yaz,’ the woman said with a smile. ‘I’m going to remove my hand now. Please don’t scream, I’m here to help you.’

Yaz nodded numbly, too stunned to move, and the woman carefully removed her hand and took a step back, giving Yaz room to breath. 

‘I didn't mean to frighten you,’ she continued. ‘I’ve been watching you. It was all a set up. The two guards pretended to attack you so the Lurin could fight them off and gain your trust.’

‘The - the Lurin?’ Yaz managed to stammer out and the woman nodded.

‘Yes. He looked like the Doctor but wasn’t of course. It looked like you figured that out pretty quickly though, but I’d expect nothing less from the Doctor’s friends. Lurins have their talents but up close it’s easy to spot the deception. Well done.’

Yaz stared at her. She had nothing to say and no idea what was going on.

‘Are you alright?’ the woman prompted her. ‘They didn't hurt you, did they?’

‘No,’ Yaz whispered. ‘No. Not physically anyway.’

‘Good answer,’ the woman said with a gentle smile. ‘Now come with me, there’s someone who’s been looking forward to seeing you again. I had to zap her back into the TARDIS before she did something stupid like try and rescue you so she’s probably going to be a bit cross.’

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to whoever spots the nod to Bill.


	8. like the sound of a rope cracking on your neck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter but lots of action planned for the next one :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments 🥰 they brighten up my day

_ 'Doctor.' _

The woman stood at the TARDIS console smiled awkwardly and shuffled her feet, eyes half hidden by the fringe of her dark hair. She looked uncertain and a little confused, though Yaz could see familiar green eyes peering at her in curiosity. 

Yaz wasn’t sure what to do, how to react. This woman certainly looked more like the Doctor than the Lurin had, bad dye job aside, but what if it was another elaborate deception? What if even the TARDIS was fake and Yaz was stood in the wipe room right now without realising it? How could she possibly tell what was real and what wasn’t? The TARDIS hummed gently over her head, as though it knew what she was thinking, but it did nothing to put Yaz’s mind at rest.  

‘Your - your  _ hair,’  _ Yaz stammered, deciding to go for the obvious. ‘What did you do to your hair?’

‘ _ She  _ did it,’ the Doctor pouted at River. ‘Headcoverings aren’t allowed here and apparently the blonde would’ve been too obvious.’

‘It would’ve been,’ River said, rolling her eyes at her wife. ‘You stick out like a sore thumb. Now go and say hello to Yaz, she’s unsure if it’s really you or not.’

The Doctor took a hesitant step forward and paused a few feet in front of Yaz, hands twisting in front of her in anxiety.

‘It’s a bit weird,’ the Doctor said quietly. ‘I mean, I  _ think  _ I know you, but I’m not  _ sure  _ I know you, does that make sense? I’m not sure how I’m supposed to prove who I am to you when I don’t even know myself. The guy at the university showed me some of my memories and you were in them but it's hazy, like looking through a - a…' She turned to River with a frown. 'What's that thing you had in your bathroom? The glass thing?'

'A frosted window,' River prompted her.

'They really did wipe you,’ Yaz said, a hand pressed against her mouth in horror as tears sprang to her eyes.

The Doctor’s face dropped and Yaz quickly took a step forward, desperate to reassure her even though she hardly dared to believe it. She reached out a hand to trace the circular burn marks either side of the Doctor’s face, the fading marks still visible against her pale skin. The ring of brown was back in her green eyes and Yaz carefully ran her fingers along the side of the Doctor’s neck, finding the small mole on the top of her shoulderblades. There were purple bruises on her face and Yaz lifted up one of her wrists, noting the deep cuts that had almost vanished along her arms and the bruises doted along her pale skin.

She pressed her fingers against the Doctor's wrist, felt the two seperate beats of her twin hearts. 

She managed to suppress a choke, not wanting to believe yet. Not willing to believe after all the torment she’d gone through. This could still be a lie, this Doctor could still pull out a gun and shoot her at any moment. But what could she ask her? What question would a mind-wiped Doctor know the answer to that could prove she was who River claimed her to be? What could Yaz possibly expect her to say?

The Doctor was still watching her, expression unreadable, and Yaz found she didn't know what to say. There was no comfort she could give, no reassurance she could offer this poor woman. 

‘I know it’s difficult,’ River said, appearing at Yaz’s elbow with a gentle smile. ‘I know there’s nothing we could say to you that would make you believe this is really her, but you need to find something - anything - because we need to rescue Graham and Ryan. The guards know you work at that restaurant and it won’t take them long to find the two men. We need to hurry.’

‘How about this?’ the Doctor asked suddenly, reaching into her pocket and pressing the psychic paper into Yaz’s hands. ‘This is what convinced River.’

Yaz opened the battered brown wallet, saw the faded writing begin to disappear as she read the Doctor's hastily scribbled message to her would-be rescuer. 

_ Might need a hand with this one, sweetie.  _

Then new words appeared, letters spiralling across the page as another message began to form. River frowned as she peered over Yaz’s shoulder, confused by what she was seeing.

‘That wasn’t there before,’ she murmured, watching the Doctor's handwriting scratch out a new message.

_ Hey Yaz. _

‘No way…’ River breathed. 

_ I know you’re gonna be frightened and I know you’re not going to want to trust me or River, but I’m gonna need you to keep your faith because I need your help more than ever. _

‘Is that from me?’ the Doctor asked, staring at the letters in wonder. ‘Did I do that?’

_ River can rescue you and the boys. I trust her explicitly. Please let her help you. _

‘She left you a message,’ River said, tone one of shock and awe. ‘She knew this would happen. She knew you’d have doubts.’

‘Wait, there’s more,’ the Doctor noticed, pointing at an extremely faded set of words that were disappearing as fast as Yaz could read them.

‘I can’t - I can’t see what it says,’ Yaz cried. ‘It’s fading too fast.’

‘I know what it says,’ the Doctor said, voice quiet. ‘It says:  _ we can’t have a universe with no Yaz.’  _

Yaz burst into tears and flung her arms around the Doctor's neck. 

* * *

‘She’s been gone a while,’ Graham said, trying to peer towards the back door through the steam that was fogging up the kitchen. ‘Do you think she’s alright?’

‘Shall I make up an excuse and go check on her, d’you think?’ Ryan murmured, watching over his shoulder to see if he was drawing suspicion from anyone.

‘Couldn’t hurt,’ Graham mused. ‘The boss is in the office so sneak out and see if you can spot her. I’ll cover you if anyone asks.’

It was cold and dark and the stench of rubbish and decay assaulted Ryan’s nostrils as soon as he stepped outside. The rubbish bins were overflowing and it was anyone’s guess when bin day was on this planet. 

‘Yaz,’ he hissed into the mist, taking a hesitant step forward. ‘You there?’ 

His foot crunched on packaging and when he looked down he saw the rubbish bag Yaz had been taking outside split open and littered across the alleyway, strange black birds the size of cats already picking at the stray scraps of food.

His blood ran cold and he ventured a little further into the gloom, trying to listen for footsteps or the sound of Yaz’s voice though the smog was so thick he could barely see two inches in front of his face.

‘Yaz!’ he called again, arms stretched out in front of him as she stumbled blindly along. ‘You there?’

‘Ryan!’ 

A voice called from the end of the alley but it didn't sound like Yaz, though the northern twang was the same. It was almost enough to send him sprinting back inside the relative safety of the kitchen but Ryan paused, uncertain. His designation was 4231 on this planet, there was no-one else aside from Graham and Yaz who knew his real name. But it couldn’t be… could it?

 ‘Yaz is that you?’ he called again, hesitantly continuing to make his way forward despite the growing ball of unease coiling in his gut. 

‘No, Ryan, it’s me!’ 

He stumbled out of the gloom and almost ran headfirst into the Doctor. 

‘Ryan!’ she grinned, gripping his arm tightly. ‘I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Where’s Graham, is he with you?’

‘Doctor!’ 

Ryan hugged her tightly, overjoyed to see her. Yaz had said that she hadn’t recognised her in the restaurant, that she’d been cold towards her but that obviously wasn’t true cause the Doctor was smiling at him and she clearly knew exactly who he was. 

‘I thought they’d wiped you!’ Ryan said. 

‘No, I just let them think they had then let them catch me,’ the Doctor replied. ‘It’s all part of my plan. I’ve found Yaz already, is Graham with you?’ 

‘Yeah, he’s in the kitchen,’ Ryan said, pointing back down the dark alley. ‘Is Yaz with you?’

‘I’ve spoken to Yaz already, she was gonna come get you guys and meet me here later,’ the Doctor said. ‘Although if you can grab Graham now I can get you both out of here safely then come back for Yaz.’

‘So, she’s not with you now?’ Ryan asked, worry creasing his forehead. 

‘No,’ the Doctor said. ‘Why?’

‘She only went to take the rubbish out,’ Ryan said, looking anxiously back down the alley. ‘She didn't come back in the kitchen afterwards and if she’s not with you I don’t -’

‘Kitchen?’ the Doctor interrupted. ‘Where you and Graham are?’

‘Yeah, Yaz was with us too,’ Ryan said, thoroughly confused now. ‘Did she not say?’ 

Then he noticed the Doctor's eyebrows. They were blonde. The Doctor didn't have blonde eyebrows.

‘Wait -’ he said uncertainly. ‘You’re not really her, are you?’

‘No,’ the Doctor said with a grin, grabbing hold of his arm. ‘I’m not.’

Then there was a pulling sensation, like being dragged through a vacuum, and the two of them disappeared. 

* * *

‘Uh oh,’ River said, frowning at her manipulator as Yaz clung to the Doctor. The Doctor, for her part, wasn’t really sure how to respond but had her arms wrapped tentatively around Yaz’s shoulders and was enjoying the sensation of being held. At River’s words, however, she looked up; a frown on her face. 

‘What’s “uh-oh”?’

‘It’s something you say when something’s about to go wrong,’ River said, tapping at the screen on her wrist urgently. ‘Yaz. Where’s Ryan and Graham?’

‘They were in the kitchen with me,’ Yaz said. ‘She didn't find them though. Or he didn't. The Lurin, I mean. It was only me in the alley.’

‘I think he may have found them now,’ River muttered. ‘Or one of them, at any rate. I’ve just registered a teleport pulse from near where I found you. That can’t be a coincidence.’

‘We have to go back!’ Yaz cried. ‘He’ll kill them.’

‘I’ll go back, you two stay here,’ River said, already heading towards the doors. 

‘No!’ Yaz yelled. ‘I’m coming too.’

‘And me,’ the Doctor complained. ‘Stop knocking me out and zapping me places I want to help.’

‘You’re a liability,’ River said, pointing a finger at her. ‘You’ll just get in the way.’

‘Yaz, tell her,’ the Doctor pleaded. ‘I need to come with you.’

‘I’m sorry, Doctor,’ Yaz said, trying to ignore the Doctor's crestfallen expression. ‘She’s right. Wait, hold on.’

She turned to River in confusion. 

‘Sorry, but who are you exactly? You never said.’

‘I’m River Song,’ the woman replied with a smile. ‘I’m the Doctor's wife.’

Yaz’s jaw hit the ground.

‘Her  _ what.’  _

River rolled her eyes and pulled a face at the Doctor. ‘You didn't tell them about me.’

The Doctor gestured helplessly. 

‘I’m the person the Doctor trusts more than anyone else in the world,’ River said, indicating the psychic paper in Yaz’s hands. ‘She came to me because she knew I’d help and that’s what I intend on doing, but right now -’ she took the Doctor's hand, head tilted at her and eyes soft ‘- it would be suicidal for me to take you back in there. You can’t defend yourself and I can’t keep an eye on you if I’m also trying to look out for Ryan, Graham and Yaz.’

‘We’re not totally defenceless, you know,’ Yaz said darkly, arms across her chest. 

‘Against that lot? Yes you are,’ River said firmly. 

‘I wouldn’t underestimate Yaz,’ the Doctor said, looking at Yaz with a proud smile. ‘Or Ryan, or Graham. You know I only take the best.’

‘And how do you know that?’ River asked, exasperated. ‘You didn't even know what a kiss was an hour ago.’

Yaz flushed and looked at the floor. 

‘I know that Yaz drop kicked a Pting like a football,’ the Doctor said defensively. ‘I know Ryan and Graham tricked a Stenza warrior into climbing inside a stasis chamber. I know that my friends aren’t defenceless, as proven by the fact they all managed to get themselves off a Servus vessel the same way I did without prior knowledge of the language or the controls  _ and  _ they’ve managed to hide themselves here for this long. Plus how many times have I had to get you out of trouble? Especially considering this annoying habit you have of blowing up spaceships  _ whilst you’re on them.’ _

Yaz and River gawped at her and she slapped her hand across her mouth, eyes wide.

‘That - that wasn’t me,’ she stammered. ‘I don’t know why I said that.’ 

‘That most definitely was you,’ River replied with a wicked grin. ‘Point well made,  _ sweetie.’  _

‘But they wiped you?’ Yaz said, not understanding. ‘How did you know that stuff?’

The TARDIS hummed softly above their heads. 

‘Huh,’ River said, looking up at the ceiling with her eyebrows raised. ‘Looks like you had someone else looking out for you after all.’ 

‘The TARDIS?’ Yaz looked thoroughly confused now. 

‘Time Lords are telepathically linked to their TARDIS’,’ River explained. ‘It looks like the TARDIS managed to protect her a little. I’m not sure how much though; or even if it’s possible to reverse the effects of the wipe.’ She shook her head, shoving down the tiny glimmer of hope she’d felt in her chest so she could concentrate on more important matters. 

‘We’re wasting time,’ River said. ‘We need to get moving and rescue your friends.’

‘I actually have an idea about that,’ the Doctor interrupted before River could make her way to the door. ‘And I’m pretty sure it’ll work.’ 

  
  



	9. in the heat of the moment I know that you'll be by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end now!  
> I think, who knows.

The cell was as dank and disgusting as Ryan remembered it and he glared at the Doctor - no, the  _ Lurin  _ \- through the metal bars, wrapping his arms around himself as he tried to keep warm. There was a large ball of guilt and anger in his stomach, twisting and shoving against his insides every time he remembered how easily he’d fallen for this monster’s deception, how easily he’d given up Yaz and Graham’s location.

Except Yaz hadn’t come back to the kitchen after apparently encountering this fake Doctor and Ryan knew she wouldn’t have been fooled by the imitation for a minute, so where was she? She wouldn’t have abandoned him and Graham, he knew that, but she’d disappeared into thin air and she wasn’t here in the cell blocks with him, though he was grateful for that. At least there was a small chance she’d managed to get herself someone safe. Wherever safe was in this hellhole. 

The Lurin looked agitated, he noticed, the stolen face of the Doctor screwed up in concern as it spoke into some kind of communicator, clicking in a language Ryan had never encountered in his months of travelling space and time. He had no clue what the alien was saying, and the TARDIS translation circuits clearly weren’t interested in decoding it for him, but he was certain he could guess.

_ I’ve lost Yaz. She got away. _

Or something similar. Except that still didn't explain anything because  _ where was she? _

The Lurin put down the communicator and regarded him with cold eyes. It felt so wrong seeing the Doctor looking at him like that, her normally bright face twisted into a glare of contempt. He was starting to notice more and more things that were wrong with this copy, however. Her hair was the wrong shade, her eyes didn't look right, her nose was the wrong shape, her lips were too small. Subtle changes you wouldn’t notice unless you were looking for them, and at that moment that was all Ryan could do to entertain himself. 

‘Get away from you, did she?’ Ryan said with a grin. ‘Yaz is good like that. She’s close with the Doctor. She’d have noticed you weren’t her straightaway.’

‘Not immediately,’ the Lurin said with a smirk. ‘In fact she seemed  _ very  _ pleased to see her friend again.’

The creature traced its lips with a finger and Ryan’s stomach turned. Oh Yaz. He hoped this alien’s true form wasn’t a tentacle thing, for Yaz’s sake. 

Another guard stepped through the door, gesturing for the Lurin to follow it urgently.

‘What is it?’ Ryan called, struggling against the chains keeping him secured to the wall. ‘What’s going on?’

The Lurin blew him a kiss as it walked away and Ryan slumped back against the stones, misery settling over him like a cloud. He only hoped Graham would be able to see through it as well.

* * *

Graham, at that moment, was thoroughly confused. 

First Yaz, then Ryan, had vanished after stepping outside and he was struggling to cover for them with their green skinned boss. ‘Yaz has just stepped out to get rid of the rubbish’ and ‘Ryan’s nipped across the street to grab more of those orange things for the soup’ had been a good excuse 20 minutes ago, but it was starting to wear a little thin the more time went on and the other slaves were narrowing their eyes at him in curious suspicion.

He wasn’t frightened by any of them. How could he be when they were all in the same boat? He assumed they thought they were sniffing around the edges of some kind of escape plan and were jealous they hadn’t been a part of it. Graham was starting to think the same thing.

Then Yaz burst back into the kitchen, out of breath and grinning from ear to ear.

‘Where have you been?!’ Graham hissed at her. ‘Ryan went out looking for you!’ 

‘I know. Sorry,’ Yaz panted, hands on her hips as she struggled to catch her breath. ‘A  _ lot  _ has happened since then. They’ve got Ryan, by the way, but the Doctor has a plan to go rescue him.’

Graham’s heart leapt into his mouth.

‘What do you mean they’ve got Ryan? Who’s got him? And the Doc - but you said they wiped her?’

‘They did! The Doctor I saw in the restaurant was a fake one. She tricked Ryan and he’s now back on Servus. The real one turned up with her wife to rescue us.’ 

Graham was lost. Totally and completely lost.

‘Whose wife?’

‘The Doctor’s!’

‘She has a  _ wife?!  _ And Ryan’s on Servus?! _ ’ _

‘I really can’t explain right now,’ Yaz said, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the kitchen. ‘We have to hurry! Before -’ 

She froze and Graham crashed into her back, stuttering out an apology before he spotted the two burly Servus guards stood in the doorway; standing between them and the alleyway.

‘There you are,’ one of them said in a low voice. ‘Did you really think you could get away?’

‘LEG IT!’ Yaz yelled, diving gracefully over one of the preparation tables and heading towards the main restaurant, dodging other slaves and zig-zagging through the kitchen units as she went.

Graham, though he certainly had trepidation about trying to do gymnastics at his age, tried to keep up with her; the guards footfalls heavy behind him and their shouts uncomfortably close to his ears.

The restaurant was packed but that worked in their favour as it meant they could more easily hide from the guards behind diners, shoving themselves through tables and tipping them over to create obstacles for their pursuers. Shouts and swear words filled their ears but finally Yaz and Graham spilled out onto the concrete street, the sky outside the dome pitch black and the city barely illuminated by the fading street lamps as Yaz grabbed Graham’s arm and started hauling him away, the older man struggling to keep up as he was dragged along behind her. 

‘They’re not too far,’ Yaz said, the sound of their feet echoing as they ran. ‘The TARDIS is only around the corner.’

‘The TARDIS?’ 

Graham was a mixture of emotions, none of which he could properly process. His grandson had been captured by the Servus guards, the Doctor was wiped but had still come back for them, the Doc was  _ married… _

He didn't know where to start. 

The guards were close behind them, he could hear the sound of their boots on the ground bouncing off the walls and, try as he might, Graham was too tired to move faster, too fatigued to try and push his body the little bit further he needed to go. 

He braced himself for the hand on the back of his shirt, the guard dragging him back into servitude.

Then, so quick he barely registered it, a shot of light whizzed past his shoulder and the guard behind him let out an  _ oof,  _ a heavy thud a few moments later signalling he’d been knocked to the ground. 

‘There you are! Hurry up!’ a woman yelled from ahead of them. She was wearing a Servus guard’s uniform but her hair was a mass of curls and Yaz didn't seem frightened of her, if anything she ran faster.

‘Graham, I presume,’ the woman said once they’d caught up to her. ‘I’m River. I’m the Doctor's wife. Quick, get inside.’

Then Graham was being thrown inside the TARDIS and he almost burst into tears at the sight of the woman at the console, relief flooding through his veins like fire.

_ ‘DOC.’ _

He grabbed her in a bear hug, squeezing her tightly and almost lifting her off her feet. She looked fine. She looked  _ fine,  _ aside from the odd few burns and bruises here and there, and Graham beamed at her as he put her back on her feet, heart swelling though fear for Ryan was slowly beginning to creep in. 

‘Hi,’ the Doctor said nervously, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear - a nervous tick Graham had never noticed before. ‘You must be Graham.’

‘Oh, Doc,’ he said quietly. ‘I forgot. Yaz said…’ he smiled and shook her hand politely, noticing she seemed thoroughly confused by the gesture. ‘I am Graham. I’m so glad you’re alright.’

The TARDIS lurched to one side and he grabbed her arm before she went flying, this new Doctor clearly not used to the ship’s violent lunches and bumps.

‘Stop it,’ River admonished the console as she tried to get the ship under control. ‘She’s throwing a tantrum. She doesn’t want to go back there.’

‘You’re the one that brought us there in the first place,’ Graham scolded the ship, feeling rather silly for talking to the empty air. 

‘She knows what they did to the Doctor,’ River explained, concentrating on the instruments. ‘She’s moving, she’s just unhappy about it.’

A few moments later, the TARDIS landed with a  _ thump,  _ and Yaz stood next to the Doctor; taking her hand in her own and rubbing her thumb across the back of it reassuringly. 

‘Are you sure?’ Yaz asked gently. ‘Cause we don’t have to do this. The three of us can find Ryan on our own.’

‘No, I’m coming too,’ the Doctor said, nodding her head firmly. ‘We have to save Ryan.’

‘Yaz said you had a plan,’ Graham remembered, looking at the Doctor. ‘A plan to rescue Ryan.’

‘She does,’ River said from the console with a grin. ‘But you’d better listen hard, cause we’re probably only going to get one go at this.’ 

* * *

Ryan’s ankles were screaming in pain by the time he’d arrived in a small circular chamber, having been dragged there by the guards in chains. He’d had to do quick, small, shuffles to avoid falling flat on his face the entire way there and pain burned up his calves. He longed to rub the ache away but, judging by the expressions on the guards around him, aching legs was soon to be the least of his problems.

‘Ryan’ - a man Ryan had identified as some sort of General began, a smirk on his face as he towered over him - ‘enjoyed your brief moment of freedom?’

‘I’d hardly call that freedom,’ Ryan replied, feeling surprisingly sure of himself though fear was slowly gripping his insides. Not for himself though, if this was it then so be it, he was worried about Yaz and Graham. And the Doctor, wherever she was.

‘It’s the closest you’re going to get,’ the general said with a scowl. ‘Initially we were going to wipe you and send you back down there to live out the rest of your days in servitude, but you’re too much trouble, so we’re going to kill you instead. Doctor, if you wouldn’t mind.’

He waved his fat fingers and the Lurin stepped forwards, though all Ryan could see was the Doctor. There was a gun in her arms and a smirk on her face and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. Even if this wasn’t her, he was still about to be murdered by the woman he’d been proud to call family. 

‘We thought it was fitting,’ the general continued. ‘That your friend’s face should be the last thing you ever see as she kills you. And don’t worry, we have a similar end planned for your friends.’

‘If you find them,’ Ryan spat, glaring at the man with all the anger he could muster. ‘And you won’t. They’re too clever for you, they’ll get away.’

‘No-one escapes Servus,’ the general replied, voice like stone. ‘Doctor, he’s all yours.’

She raised the gun, the barrel pointed square at Ryan’s chest, but Ryan refused to close his eyes. Even if it wasn’t the Doctor, seeing her was calming and if he tried really hard he could even imagine she was still safe, that Yaz and Graham were stood beside her, that they were all together - 

Wait.

Ryan’s jaw dropped as he stared up into the balcony of the small chamber he was in - some kind of court room perhaps - at the familiar grin of Yaz as she looked down at him. 

What the - 

The blast from the Doctor’s gun shot straight over his shoulder and slammed into a control panel, lights flashing immediately and alarms blaring as chaos descended on the room.

‘You  _ missed,’  _ the general roared at the Lurin. ‘How could you miss?’

But the small imperfections Ryan had noticed on the alien’s face earlier had gone. This wasn’t the imposter, he realised with joy. This was the real deal.

‘Sorry!’ the Doctor’s cheerful northern voice called over towards the general. ‘I don’t like guns. Nasty things. I dislike shooting my friends even more.’

_ ‘Doctor.’  _

The general stood, guards converging on the two of them as he bellowed for the men to seize her or kill them both. 

And then it all went a bit mental.

The room was suddenly filled with the sound of energy weapons and shots of light were flung around the room as the Doctor darted towards him. He felt her hands against his wrists, tugging at the restraints. He wanted to say something.  _ Sorry, _ maybe? Or  _ hello?  _ Or even  _ thank you _ ? But his mouth was numb and all he could blurt out was ‘ _ imissedyou’  _ which he wasn’t sure she even heard over the sounds of weapons fire. 

‘I missed you too,’ the Doctor replied, eyes gleaming, and then the sonic was in her hands and the chains were falling to the ground as she grabbed his arm and dragged him towards the exit. The guards were all firing at something up in the balcony, Ryan realised, and they only had to dodge a few stray shots as they tumbled out into the hallway; the Doctor quickly sonicing the door to close it behind them.

He noticed she was holding the sonic weirdly, not doing her usual long arm, as though she was unsure how it worked.

‘Are you okay?’ Ryan asked her as they ran down the corridor, desperate for a hug, though he knew it wasn’t the best time for one right now. ‘The guards said they wiped you.’ 

‘They did,’ the Doctor replied. ‘Yaz told me what to say. I was just gonna shoot the panel and leg it but she said it had to be more dramatic.’

‘She was right,’ Ryan said, trying to swallow his disappointment. For a second, a tiny, miniscule second, he’d hoped they’d lied to him and she’d escaped before they’d hurt her, though the screams that still rang in his ears were a direct contraindication to that fantasy. 

‘Up this way,’ the Doctor said, tugging him along. ‘River and Yaz are keeping them distracted and Graham is keeping watching in the TARDIS.’

‘You mean staying out of the action,’ Ryan laughed, and the Doctor grinned. 

‘He did say something about his knees.’

‘What about the Lurin?’

‘River knocked it out and stole the uniform.’ 

‘Oh. Course she did.’

He did wonder who this ‘River’ person was though.

The corridors were almost pitch black but the Doctor seemed confident in her direction and Ryan happily let himself be dragged along behind her, a loopy grin on his face as they went. She’d come back for them, just like she’d said she would.

‘Uh-oh, maybe not this way,’ the Doctor said, stopping so suddenly he slammed into her back. Angry voices were coming from the corridor ahead of them and they spun round, heading back the way they’d come towards more angry voices.

‘Behind here!’ the Doctor hissed, and Ryan found himself back behind the crate labelled  _ will bite  _ that may or may not contain a crocodile.

The Doctor was frowning and Ryan realised she was tracing the Gallifreyan message Yaz had hastily scratched into the wall.

‘This is weird,’ the Doctor mumbled to herself. ‘I can understand it. What does “typography” mean?’

The heavy footfalls of the guards drew closer and they squatted down, as small as they could in the cramped space. Shoved up against the Doctor's chest Ryan found he could hear her hearts thumping and he grabbed her hand, squeezing hand.

‘Not  _ again,’  _ one of the guards groaned when the other group met them in the middle of the hallway. ‘Where did they get to this time? And don’t say another bloody teleport.’

‘They must have gone to the upper levels,’ another guard said. ‘The Doctor was wearing the Lurin’s uniform, the keycard would have been in the pocket.’ 

‘No-one tell the general we’ve lost them,’ the guard warned, pointing a finger at each of them in turn. ‘We find them,  _ then  _ tell the general.’

‘Agreed,’ came the soft murmuring of voices, and the footsteps faded away as the guards continued their search.

‘That’s the second time they haven’t looked behind this crate,’ Ryan realised. ‘They really are incompetent.’ 

‘What’s in it?’ the Doctor asked, face scronched. ‘“ _ Will bite”,  _ what could that be?’

‘I thought it was a crocodile,’ Ryan said wistfully. ‘Probably isn’t though.’

‘A crocodile?’ the Doctor asked, confused. ‘What’s that?’

The sound of heavy boots against the concrete ground and shouting headed towards them and the Doctor - so quick Ryan didn't have a chance to ask her if she’d lost her mind (though, thinking back on it, he realised with a pang that was exactly what had happened) - bent down and unlocked the crate.

‘Hopefully it’ll provide a distraction!’ she said cheerily as something that was most definitely  _ not  _ a crocodile emerged from the crate. 

It was large and black and looked like some kind of wolf/bear/monkey hybrid. Its fangs were sharp and long claws scratched against the floor as it regarded them with interest through deep red eyes. 

‘Not us, them!’ the Doctor said, pointing down the corridor as the guards suddenly burst into sight, guns pointed at the two escapees. 

Then they saw the animal, screamed, and ran in the other direction. 

‘I wonder what that was,’ the Doctor said thoughtfully as the creature leapt after the guards with a growl, disappearing down the corridor after them. 

‘Hopefully we never have to find out,’ Ryan said. ‘Where’s the TARDIS?’ 

With the creature clearing the way for them the Doctor and Ryan were quickly able to make their way back to the TARDIS, a massive grin forming on Ryan’s face as he saw the beautiful blue box tucked away in an alcove, Graham stood in the doorway cheering them on.

‘Alright mate,’ Graham said, gripping Ryan’s shoulder tightly. ‘You gave me a right fright don’t do that again.’

‘Who’s that?’ Ryan asked, nodding at the curly haired woman flying the TARDIS as Yaz ran up to him and hugged him tightly. 

‘That’s River, the Doctor’s wife,’ Yaz explained, and River gave him a cheery hello wave. 

The Doctor, Ryan realised, was stood anxiously a little off to the side; watching their reunion with an uncertain expression, as though she wanted to join in but was unsure how to. 

‘Can I give you a hug too?’ Ryan asked her, watching a small smile form on the Doctor’s face. ‘Since I’m doing these guys as well. I missed you.’

‘I like hugs,’ the Doctor decided and Ryan pulled her against him, squeezing her tight. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, wasn’t sure if there was anything he  _ could  _ say, but she seemed to enjoy the hug and soon Yaz and then Graham joined in as well and the Doctor was squeezed between the three of them, home and safe. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor sneakily dyed her hair back to blonde as part of their plan so she could be mistaken for the Lurin, in case anyone's wondering XD


	10. you'd better learn to fly cause they're gonna point you up at the sky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a longer wait for an update but at least it wasn't more than a month, right??  
> This chapter is gonna get a bit whacky so bear with and please read the note at the end.  
> Love to everyone you gorgeous people you <3

It was later that evening, after the Doctor had passed out from exhaustion and been tucked firmly into bed, that River was finally able to properly introduce herself to her wife’s friends, the four of them seated around the library fireplace with clean, fresh clothes and hot drinks in their hands. Yaz had been reluctant to leave the Doctor's side, especially considering she’d only just got her back, and had been almost dragged into the library by Ryan who’d insisted that  _ the Doctor isn’t going to get any sleep with you standing over her staring at her like that.  _

‘Don’t be surprised that she hasn’t mentioned me,’ River said, noting the frowns on the faces of the three humans as she finished the extremely long and convoluted story that was her and the Doctor's marriage. ‘We have a… complicated relationship. That’s the problem when you’re married to a time traveler - you never seem to meet in the right order.’ 

‘How long have you been married for?’ Graham asked, and River smiled. 

‘Ah. That’s what I mean. For me, probably about two hundred years now. For her? Difficult to say really. Could be ten years, could be a thousand, could be five minutes. Well, perhaps not five minutes but you get my drift.’

‘You’re over two hundred years old?’ Yaz asked curiously. ‘Are you the same species as the Doctor?’

Another sly smile. ‘That’s an interesting question. No, we’re not the same species. Not quite. I’m more human than I am anything like her, but I do have an augmented life span due to exposure to the time vortex which you really  _ don’t  _ want to hear about.’ 

‘I’m just grateful she had the wherewithal to think to go to you for help,’ Graham said gratefully, calloused and sore hands pressed around the soothing heat of his coffee mug. ‘I mean, can you imagine if she hadn’t.’

‘Is she going to be okay?’ Ryan asked nervously. ‘I mean, can you get her memories back?’

River shook her head sadly and Yaz felt her heart plummet. ‘No. I don’t think so. Memory wipes tend to be permanent. The TARDIS has obviously done her best to protect her but it’s unlikely she’ll get everything back. Maybe flashes here and there but even that’s optimistic.’ 

‘What shall we do?’ Yaz asked in a small voice. ‘I can’t imagine a universe without the Doctor in it.  _ The  _ Doctor, I mean. Not that she isn’t - I mean -’ Yaz pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes in frustration and Ryan squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. 

‘It’s alright, Yaz,’ he said quietly. ‘We know what you mean.’

‘I can fly the TARDIS,’ River said gently. ‘I can take you home or anywhere else you want to go, and the Doctor can either stay with me or with you. Wherever she’ll feel most safe.’

‘That’ll be with you, surely?’ Graham said. ‘I mean obviously I’m more than happy for her to stay with me but you’re her wife? You’re the one she came to when she needed help?’

‘She doesn’t really know me,’ River said sadly. ‘Her most recent memories are of you three. She may choose to stay with you. In which case, I’ll need to explain regeneration to you cause that’s gonna give you a shock. It’ll give her a shock as well, actually.’ 

‘And what about Servus?’ Ryan asked. ‘The Doctor - when she was still the Doctor, I mean - told us that it was her people who shut them down initially. We can’t let them carry on.’ 

‘I can alert the Shadow Proclamation,’ River said thoughtfully. ‘But they probably won’t want to get involved. The Kreen Empire has its own jurisdiction, it was only the Time Lords that didn't mind getting involved the first time around.’ 

‘They probably won’t mind getting involved this time around either,’ came a voice from the doorway that immediately drew their attention. ‘They love a chance to show off.’

Yaz grinned at the woman stood there, relief flooding through her. 

‘Hi, Corsair.’ 

‘Hello humans,’ the Corsair said, sauntering in and dropping onto the cushions. ‘Someone rang. Where’s the Doctor?’ 

* * *

The Doctor woke up when the bed dipped a little and she opened her eyes to find a strange woman sat on the edge of it looking intently at her. The woman had long dark hair that fell down her back and she was wearing knee high boots, dark (and extremely tight trousers), a billowing white shirt and a dark waistcoat. Her eyes were dark also but they appeared older than the rest of her somehow, and the Doctor felt her hearts swell with love at the sight of her. This was a woman she cared about, a woman she trusted, a woman she -

Missed?

But that didn't make any sense, surely. 

‘I - I know you,’ the Doctor said with a frown, sitting up slowly. There were twinges at the edge of her memory, flashes of images and colour. A party, a bar fight, a magnificent ship, a soft touch and warm hand. Her gaze caught an elaborate tattoo on the woman’s left forearm, a snake eating its own tail. She recognised it, though she couldn’t think how. 

‘Yes old friend, you do,’ the Corsair said with a gentle smile that dropped at the edges as her expression turned sad. She reached out and took the Doctor’s hand, running her thumb across the Doctor’s knuckles as she looked down at it sadly. ‘What have those monsters done to you?’ 

‘River said I won’t be able to get my memories back,’ the Doctor said sadly, feeling the raised bump on her forehead as the burns disappeared from her skin. ‘But you - you’re… important to me, I think.’

‘That’s more flattering that you could know,’ the Corsair said with a soft laugh. ‘And what makes you think you can’t get your memories back? You remember me, don’t you? Never underestimate the power of a Gallifreyan mind.  _ Or  _ a TARDIS trying to help. The real question is - how are we going to get the rest of them out of you?’

‘She did it before,’ Yaz said tentatively, stepping into the room. ‘Remember?’ She turned to the Doctor, hands twisting in the fabric of her t-shirt. ‘When River rescued me and you told her not to underestimate us. A little bit of you snuck out.’ 

‘I - I’m not sure if I -’

‘It’s alright,’ the Corsair said soothingly, tucking a runaway strand of blonde hair behind the Doctor’s ear. ‘Don’t get upset. Now come on, get up and get some clothes on. We’ll nip home for a bit, as much as I don’t want to. That always used to cheer you up.’

‘Home?’ Yaz asked, confused.

‘Yup. Shining world of the seven systems,’ the Corsair said with a wink. ‘That’s how pretentious our lot are. You’re gonna love it. Normally I try and steer well clear of the place but they need to know Servus is back up and running and - as much as I hate to admit it - they may actually come in useful for a change.’ 

She held the Doctor's face gently in her hand and rubbed her thumb over the soft skin at her temple, a few stray sparks of regeneration energy sinking into the Doctor's face and removing any trace of the burns. The Doctor lent into her touch, relishing in how familiar and safe it was, yet her gaze kept landing on the snake tattoo on the woman’s arm and a twist of something that felt like guilt stirred inside her, rolling and aching and  _ hurting.  _

_ See that snake? Mark of the Corsair.  _ Fantastic  _ bloke.  _

‘Your head,’ the Corsair said softly. ‘Oh, sweetheart. You’re a mess in there. All your neurons are firing, your synapses are working overtime. You don’t know if you’re coming or going, do you?’

The Doctor felt like crying, though she wasn’t sure why.

_ I really thought I had some friends here.  _

‘Come on,’ the Corsair smiled at her. ‘I’ll sort you out.’

* * *

‘Oh my days.’

Ryan stepped out of the TARDIS, mouth dropping open as he stared up into the burnt red sky, the Citadel in its glistening glass dome shining before him. Silver trees rustled in a light breeze and, in the distance, snow capped mountains shone and gleamed a brilliant white.

‘Solace and Solitude,’ the Doctor said quietly, and the Corsair smiled encouragingly at her. 

‘That’s right. Do you remember the view of the citadel from the top of the mountain when the sun rose? You used to say it was like the whole planet had been caught on fire. That beautiful golden glow, like starlight you said. And when the sunlight caught the leaves on the trees.’

‘Like the forest was on fire,’ the Doctor said quietly. And then, even quieter so Yaz barely heard her: ‘I told Martha that.’ 

‘Two suns and you lot are stuck inside a giant bauble?’ Graham said incredulously, hand against his forehead blocking out the glare from the suns. ‘Must be baking in there!’

‘We have air con,’ the Corsair said, eyebrow raised. ‘We’re not savages.’ 

‘Have you been here before?’ Yaz asked River, but she shook her head. 

‘No,’ she replied. ‘I always wanted to go but the Doctor - the one I usually hang out with - always said it was too dangerous. He said humans weren’t really allowed.’

‘He was right,’ the Corsair said, arm tucked through the Doctor’s who was staring at the red grass beneath her boots with narrowed eyes. ‘We’re not the kindest race in the galaxy. The only reason I’m not leaving you lot in the TARDIS is because you’re going to need to convince the high council Servus is back up and running. And because I don’t think separating the four of you’ - she indicated the Doctor on her arm - ‘is really going to help right now. Better we’d stick together.’

‘Eh? What about River?’ Graham said, but River smiled at him. 

‘Time Lords can see timelines,’ River explained. ‘Like golden threads of light, twisting and turning and burning with possibilities. That’s how the Doctor described it, anyway. Goodness knows what mine looks like right now.’

‘It’s a mess,’ the Corsair said. ‘Still, I’d rather you stuck around for a bit longer as well. Plus you’ve got a rep here, and some fans. There aren’t many in the galaxy who haven’t heard of River Song.’

River smirked and Ryan looked confused. 

‘Can they help her?’ Graham asked, indicating the Doctor. ‘Your high council, I mean.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with her,’ the Corsair replied, her eyes dark. ‘I do think we need to try and get her head screwed on a little better first, don’t you agree? Should make it easier for you to see and process things.’ 

‘I do feel like my head is unwinding,’ the Doctor agreed, fingers pressed against her skull. 

‘After effect of the wipe,’ the Corsair said. ‘Now all the adrenaline has burnt off and some of your personality is trying to reassert itself it’s going to hurt. Come on.’ 

The Corsair strolled on ahead, an arm around the Doctor’s shoulders as they went. Every now and then she’d point to something, a silver capped tree, a strange blue bird, a building in the distance, and the Doctor would follow her gaze with interest, eyes wide and curious with the citadel’s dome reflected in them. 

‘She remembers the Corsair,’ Ryan said, eyes sad. ‘But not us.’

‘It’s different, and she  _ did  _ remember you lot,’ River admonished him. ‘Time Lord telepathy. It’s complicated and not the easiest to explain, but the Doctor trusts the Corsair because she remembers how to. Sort of. She’s known the Corsair for a lot longer than she’s known me or you.’

‘The Corsair said someone phoned her,’ Yaz remembered. ‘Who was that?’

‘The TARDIS,’ River replied, eyeing the blue box as it faded into the distance. ‘The TARDIS pinged her. I’m sure she had her reasons, not sure what they are though.’ 

‘And this is - what was it called again?’

‘Gallifrey. This is the Doctor’s planet. Or what’s left of it. It was severely damaged in the Time War and they had to hide away at the end of the universe. I’m assuming that’s where we are now. It’s still beautiful though.’ River gazed up at the sky, a smile on her face, though her eyes were so sad. ‘I always dreamed he’d take me here. Not like this though.’ 

‘Wait, we’re at the end of the universe?’ Graham realised, eyes wide.

‘Yes, now keep your voices down,’ the Corsair hissed at him, turning back to glare. ‘Remember when I told you this planet was dangerous for humans?’ 

‘But the Doctor isn’t dangerous. You’re not dangerous,’ Ryan protested. 

‘Seriously?’ the Corsair replied, eyes glinting, and for the first time Ryan saw something in them that send a judder through his body. ‘You seriously think we’re  _ not  _ dangerous?’

Ryan found he had no response for that and his gaze turned towards the Doctor who was kneeling down, running her fingertips over the top of the deep red grass with a thoughtful expression. 

‘We’re approaching the citadel and you lot are going to get stared at so keep your heads down,’ the Corsair said, tucking an arm around the Doctor’s waist. Yaz realised the Doctor had been limping, the brace on her injured leg no longer enough to support her, and she felt a stab of guilt for not realising it sooner. 

The citadel was gigantic, stretching up as high as the eye could see, and Yaz felt her neck straining awkwardly as she peered up at it. There were guards at the entrance to the dome who stopped them, looking in confusion at the four humans, but the Corsair said something that soon convinced them to change their minds and a few moments later they were inside the citadel of the Time Lords.

‘Best foot forward,’ the Corsair hissed at them. ‘Stay behind me and stay together.’ 

The Doctor was looking more and more upset the further into the city they walked, looking around in agitation as though she was expecting something to jump out at her, and Yaz walked beside her to hold her free hand; relief flooding her when the Doctor squeezed it back. 

They arrived in front of a mighty set of gilden doors, gold and red etched around the wooden frame, and a few moments later they swung open and their little group was ushered into the room. 

‘Lord Corsair. Lord Doctor. Welcome home.’

Ryan felt his jaw drop open. For someone who walked around dressed in clothes she’d found in a charity shop - and not very stylish ones at that - the finery in this room was magnificent. It was like they’d walked into a massive courtroom, but not like any Ryan had seen on Earth. The pews were made of marble and decorations of gold and silver hung everywhere. The Time Lords were dressed in rich red robes with the most peculiar metal collars about their shoulders, decorated with swirls and circles that Ryan recognised as the Doctor's language. The ceiling of the dome was made of glass and sunlight spilled in, catching the gold and making it shine. It was magnificent, yet the Corsair couldn’t look less impressed if she tried and the Doctor looked as though she wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. 

‘Lord President,’ the Corsair said politely. ‘Sorry to just barge in on you like this.’

‘We do not allow humans on Gallifrey, Lord Corsair,’ a voice boomed, and Yaz looked up to see what must be the high council. Twelve Time Lords sat at a high table, all dressed in the same peculiar outfit as the others. The one sat in the middle, however, was easily recognisable as the president due to the extra large golden circles on his robes and the rich gold colour of his collar. He looked like a ponce, and Yaz didn't blame the Doctor or the Corsair for dressing the way they did; especially if this was the alternative.

‘They’ve just escaped from Servus,’ the Corsair said cooly, and a ripple of worried murmurs spread throughout the chamber.

‘Impossible!’ one of the other Time Lords on the council boomed, his voice deep and echoing through the chamber. ‘Servus was shut down years ago.’

‘No it bleedin’ wasn’t, mate,’ Graham said. ‘Servus is very much still up and running. We’ve been through hell and back trying to get out of there.’ 

‘Humans are  _ not permitted to speak  _ in front of the high council,’ another man boomed and Yaz glared up at him.

‘Why not? Are we too tiny and unimportant for you lot?’

‘Lord Corsair, you will -’

‘She ain’t gonna do nothing,’ Ryan interjected, and he noticed a soft smile of pride on the Doctor's face. ‘She brought us here to tell you what's been going on. On Servus they’ve got cages full of thousands of slaves, and even more spread throughout the sector. On the planet that we were on they were treating the slaves like playthings. They were being kicked in the streets! Tortured! They tied the Doctor up and we had to listen to her screaming down the corridor! Don’t you dare try to tell us that Servus was shut down cause it is  _ not. _ ’

The Doctor, River realised, was looking more and more uncomfortable and looked like she was trying to hide behind the Corsair, her injured leg trailing against the ground as she put all her weight on the other one, her fingers twisting in the fabric of her coat as her eyes darted back and forth like a frightened animal. 

‘It’s alright, love,’ River said quietly to her, a soothing hand on her arm so the Doctor had something to lean against. ‘We’ll be out of here soon, stay calm.’ 

‘Lord Doctor,’ another Time Lord boomed. ‘Is that true?’

The Doctor opened her mouth but closed it again, withdrawing in on herself until the Corsair had to stand in front of her to block her from view. 

‘She was wiped by the Kreen,’ the Corsair said, gently for the Doctor’s benefit. ‘Her knowledge and understanding is limited. I think it would be beneficial if we could retire to a calmer environment and talk this through in more detail. I’m sure my lords’ - here she raised her voice to address the other Time Lords in the chamber - ‘will want to hear the full story before they take a vote.’

‘Vote?’ the President said. ‘What vote?’

‘The same vote this council had last time Servus destroyed half the galaxy,’ the Corsair responded. ‘The vote to decide whether to take action against them or not.’

* * *

‘Personally,’ the Corsair said as she fitted a new brace to the Doctor’s leg, ‘I think that went quite well.’ 

‘Really?’ Graham said, eyebrow raised. ‘Only it was hard to tell over all the shouting.’

The Corsair’s announcement that a vote be taken had caused chaos and they’d been ushered out in the ensuing shouting match that had then commenced, angry voices ringing throughout the chamber. Some for, some against. 

‘It’s difficult to stir that lot to do anything,’ the Corsair said with a shrug. ‘At least when they’re shouting they’re being productive. There, how does that feel?’

‘Better,’ the Doctor said with a smile. ‘Much better.’

‘How long do we have to stay here for, then?’ Graham asked, looking around the room they were in. The guard who had led them into it had called it a waiting room, but it was like nothing he’d ever experienced in a GP surgery. Similar to the courtroom, the ceiling was high with a glass roof looking out into the darkening sky as the sun set and the sofas they were sat on were so comfy Yaz felt as though she was sinking into it. Bookshelves lined the room piled high with books of all shapes and sizes and similar markings in the Doctor’s language were dotted across the room. It was warm and cosy and Yaz buried a yawn into her elbow, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the day crashing down on her. The Doctor was clearly feeling the same and Yaz sat beside her, holding her hand as the Doctor leant her head against her shoulder and closed her eyes. 

‘They’ll take forever to decide on an answer,’ the Corsair said in response to Graham’s question. ‘We’ll be out of here before then. I will get the Doctor checked over though, if that’s alright with you,’ she added, nudging the Doctor’s foot who yawned and nodded. 

‘Can they bring her memories back, do you think?’ Graham asked, and Yaz noted the Doctor go tense against her side. 

‘We should concentrate on getting the rest of her better first though,’ River said carefully, sat on the Doctor’s other side. It was a warning not to press, Yaz realised, though unfortunately - Graham didn't.

‘No I know, but if they can fix her -’

‘There is  _ nothing wrong with me!’  _ the Doctor yelled suddenly, sitting upright and taking them all by surprise. ‘You’re all  _ obsessed  _ with fixing me but I’m still  _ me.  _ So what I can’t remember stuff? So what apparently I grew up here and I can fly a time/space machine and I’m thousands of years old but I can’t remember any of it? The more I hear about  _ my  _ people the less I want to be like them! My memories are gone, this is me now. Stop making me feel like I’m letting you down for not being the person you want me to be and just  _ accept  _ it and  _ stop trying to fix me.’ _

She stood up and stormed out, angry tears streaking down her face, but the Corsair held out a hand when Yaz immediately stood up to go after her.

‘No,’ the Corsair said quietly. ‘Give her a minute.’ 

‘I didn't mean to upset her,’ Graham said, stunned and ashamed. ‘I didn't think.’

‘Let her calm down,’ the Corsair said. ‘Then I think we’d better send River to speak to her.’ 

‘Me?’ River looked confused. ‘But she doesn’t -’

‘She went to you for help,’ the Corsair reminded her. ‘She trusted you when she had no-one else. She’ll trust you now. It’s not her fault, her mind is too large, too fragile to survive one of Servus’ wipes. She’s spiralling. I can help her, but not when she’s like this. I need her calm.’

‘Wait -’ Yaz said. ‘Are you saying…’ she paused, looked down at her feet, looked up at the Corsair. ‘I’m not sure I know what you’re saying.’

‘We’ll lose her,’ the Corsair said gently. ‘The TARDIS protected her too well. Her memories are reasserting themselves slowly but there’s no space for them anymore, her mind is barely operating as it is and the more time goes on the greater the damage is going to be.’ 

‘Wait, she’s gonna die?’ Graham said quietly, but the Corsair shook her head. 

‘No. Not die. Though it’ll be like she has. You have it on your planet, I think. Dementia. Isn’t that what it’s called?’

River stood up and left the room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE WHUMPING THIRTEEN HUH.
> 
> I was writing this and I was like 'they're so out of their depth they need help' and that's where the Corsair came in. She was in the comics and had an adventure with the fam hence why they all know her! Sorry if it's confusing! It'll make sense (hopefully! but it's Doctor Who so if it doesn't that's my excuse)


	11. at the sound of the drums I'm gonna set you free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you listen to sad soundtrack music while writing this is the kind of emotional stuff you end up with XD

The suns had almost set and the desert glowed like it was on fire when River joined the Doctor on the roof. For miles, all she could see was glowing silver trees and those beautiful mountains shining on the horizon. Stars and galaxies twinkled above them in the night sky and shooting stars left silver trails that blazed through the air. It was one of the most beautiful planets River had ever been on, but the Doctor looked miserable. She was sat on the edge of the roof, legs dangling into empty space and her knuckles were white where she was gripping the edge so hard. She was also shivering, despite the warm air, and River shrugged off her jacket and tucked it around her wife’s shoulders; sitting down beside her and pressing against her companionably. 

‘Is he mad at me?’ the Doctor whispered, dried tear tracks on her cheeks, and River shook her head. 

‘No. Of course not. He loves you. He’s worried about you, that’s all.’ 

‘I shouldn’t have yelled at him. He was only trying to help. But he was just worried about -  _ her,  _ and I’m not her anymore and it’s upsetting them all and I care about them  _ so much  _ and it just -’

The Doctor pressed her hands against her eyes as fresh tears leaked out and River rested her head against her shoulder, tucking an arm around the Doctor's waist to pull her tightly against her. 

‘I just want to be what they want me to be,’ she said, her voice muffled by her tears and hands. ‘They all missed me - missed  _ her  _ \- but the wrong person came back from Servus.’ 

‘You shouldn’t apologise because you’re not the person others want you to be,’ River said soothingly. ‘And I know it seems like they’re pushing, but I know they’re all just grateful you’re still alive at all.’

‘I just want to be left alone,’ the Doctor sobbed. ‘But there’s this voice in my head that’s started up recently and she won’t shut up.’

River’s head shot up. 

‘Voice? What voice?’

‘I think it’s her,’ the Doctor mumbled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands. ‘The old me. I think she’s trying to talk to me.’

River’s jaw dropped.

_ ‘What?  _ Why didn't you say - no, sorry, I didn't mean to yell that just took me by surprise.’ 

The Doctor was blinking at her, eyes large and cheeks wet. She looked down at her lap, twisted her fingers in her jumper. She was wearing the outfit River had initially picked out for her, Amy’s jeans and jumper, and she looked so lost in them that River longed to drag her into bed and hug her till she felt safe again. She remembered the bright eyes that had looked up at her after they’d kissed, full of wonder and joy. She wondered if the Doctor would ever look like that again. 

‘No wonder the Corsair said your head was in such a mess,’ River murmured quietly. 

‘I just want to be me,’ the Doctor said quietly. ‘But I don’t think that’s allowed.’

‘It’s not a case of whether it’s allowed or not,’ River said carefully. ‘It’s more -’

She looked out across the expanse of Gallifrey in front of them, the people moving about in the square below them, the sounds of laughter and life drifting up from below. The planet wasn’t completely healed from the Time War. From up here, she could easily see the damage that had been done, the parts of the citadel that had yet to be repaired. Scorch marks were burned onto the side of buildings, rubble was swept into neat piles in the streets, buildings were missing their roofs or doorways, stray clothes and pairs of shoes hung as a memorial to the lost from fences and balconies. She remembered the Doctor saying the whole planet was covered in that deep red grass they’d spotten when they’d first stepped out of the TARDIS, but all she could see was desert where the ground had been scorched by laser fire and set alight. 

‘Your mind is extraordinary,’ River began quietly, turning and smiling at her wife. ‘Gallifreyan brains are vast and complex and amazing and can take in all this knowledge and work to find solution like no-one else can. You’re more than likely a member of one of the cleverest races in the universe. Except, with a Kreen memory wipe, it doesn’t  _ just  _ take your memories, it also destroys part of your mind, the brain tissue. Your brain is working hard to find new connections and heal neurons and regenerate synapses but it just - can’t. There’s nothing left for it to work with. As a Time Lord you could regenerate and that would likely fix the problem, but that should always be a last resort and I’m not sure your friends would be so keen on that idea.’

‘Regenerate?’ the Doctor looked confused and River found herself imagining what would happen if someone who’d never experienced regeneration before did it for the first time. She could hardly bear to think of it. 

‘It’s when every cell in your body renews,’ River explained, swallowing hard. ‘That’s the simplest way to explain it.’

‘That doesn’t sound so bad.’

‘It is, my darling.’ River squeezed her hand tightly. ‘ _ Every  _ cell in your body changes. You become an entirely different person.’ 

The Doctor's face scronched.

‘Would I still be blonde?’

River smiled and reached out to run her fingers through the soft locks of hair. She was glad when the Doctor had explained her plan to rescue Ryan and Graham. Brown hadn’t really suited her. 

‘Maybe, maybe not. Difficult to say.’ 

‘But it would turn me back to  _ her.’ _

‘No,’ River shook her head, wishing the Corsair was here to explain this better. ‘It would turn you back to the Doctor but a  _ new  _ Doctor. One that looked different and sounded different and acted different. You wouldn’t be her, you’d be someone else.’ 

The Doctor looked so lost and frightened that River quickly decided to change tactics.

‘The Corsair has an idea as to how to help your mind heal, so regeneration isn’t even really an option.’

‘But it won’t give me my memories back?’

‘No,’ River said gently. ‘Most likely it won’t.’

The Doctor looked down at the people in the square, the mountains in the difference and the golden buildings around them, safe inside the magnificent dome. 

‘This isn’t my home,’ she said quietly. ‘I look around and it doesn’t feel like home. It doesn’t feel like anything, really.’ 

‘Gallifrey never did feel like home to you,’ River said, squeezing her hand. ‘You were always more content in amongst the stars.’

‘Where do I go now?’ the Doctor whispered. ‘What do I do?’

‘Whatever you want,’ River urged her. ‘You can be whoever you chose there’s no limitations on that.’

‘Where do I live?’

‘You can live with any of us, either permanently or until you decide what it is you want to do.’

‘I want to live with you,’ the Doctor blurted out. ‘When we… when we kissed, it felt… really nice. But not  _ nice  _ nice, I mean. It felt…. Safe? I think that’s the right word. And my friends - I love them so much - but they look at me like they wish I was someone else and it - it  _ hurts.  _ We rescued them but I still feel like I’m letting them down. And you just look at me like the opposite, like you just love me and it doesn’t matter who -’

‘Hush, I know, my love,’ River said softly, rubbing the Doctor’s back soothingly when fresh tears began to fall. ‘Of course you can live with me, for as long as you want. Forever, if that will make you happy.’

‘Cause you  _ do  _ love me,’ the Doctor choked out, and River kissed her gently. 

‘Of course I do. I married you, didn't I?’

She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in for a hug, the Doctor clinging to the front of her jumper in a way  _ the  _ Doctor never would. It was both wonderful and heartbreaking that she was reacting in this way and River was just about to try and canjole her into taking a quick nap when she remembered something.

‘That voice in your head,’ she said quietly, though her heart was pounding. ‘What is she saying?’

‘It doesn’t make sense,’ the Doctor sniffed. ‘She keeps banging on about a watch.’

* * *

‘I really didn't mean to upset her,’ Graham said anxiously after River had gone off to find her. ‘I just didn't think before I opened my stupid mouth. I thought maybe this lot could fix her brain but -’ 

‘That's your problem,’ the Corsair interrupted, not unkindly. ‘You need to stop viewing her as someone who needs to be fixed. She's perfectly fine, aside from a few bumps and scrapes which even your primitive medicine could cure. She's just - new. Everything about her is so new. She's a blank slate, a whole different person, but still at her core fundamentally her. She's the Doctor 2.0, if you like.’

‘I just…’ Graham looked out the window and the darkening sky. ‘I miss her.’

‘I know,’ the Corsair said gently. ‘She's impossible not to miss. But she's not gone, she's still here. You want her to be like her old self? Teach her about the things her old self used to like just don't expect her to like them as well. Interact with her, be kind to her, she's still your friend she’s just got a bit of a head wonk on.’

‘A head wonk that might destroy her brain,’ Yaz said glumly, rubbing her tired face with her hands. 

‘That’s the worse case scenario,’ the Corsair reminded her. ‘I just need her calm, then I can stabilize the degenerative brain tissue and halt its progression. Her memories  _ won’t  _ come back though, but at least she’ll still be okay.’

‘About that,’ River said, out of breath as she raced into the room. ‘I have an update.’

‘Is she okay?’ Graham said, standing up with worry on his face. ‘You told her I didn't mean it, right? Please tell me she knows I didn't mean it. Where is she? Let me go apologise.’ 

‘She’s okay, she wanted a minute alone,’ River said. ‘But she said something - I’m not sure it makes sense…’

‘What did she say?’ the Corsair urged. 

‘She said there’s a voice in her head and she thinks it’s the  _ other  _ her.’

‘“The other her”?’ Ryan looked confused.

‘The Doctor!’ River explained. ‘Our Doctor! But apparently this other her keeps going on about a  _ watch.’ _

The Corsair stared at her in shock. ‘No wonder her head was in such a mess if there’s two versions of herself bumping around in there! But that doesn’t make sense? How can there be? Time Lords can’t do that unless they’re connected to -’

Her eyes went wide as realisation dawned.

‘What?’ Yaz asked urgently. ‘What is it? What watch is it she’s going on about?’

‘Time Lords can transfer their consciousness into a watch using a device called the Chameleon Arch,’ the Corsair said slowly, as though trying to convince herself. ‘But you can only do that if you’re connected to your TARDIS so how on  _ earth  _ did she do it?’

‘You said the TARDIS tried to protect her,’ Ryan pointed out. ‘That it tried to help.’ 

‘When a bit of the Doctor snuck through we were  _ in  _ the TARDIS,’ Yaz remembered. ‘When she started lecturing River.’

‘But she can’t have used the fob watch,’ the Corsair said, shaking her head. ‘She  _ can’t  _ have done. You’d need the arch for that. The TARDIS might have -  _ oh.  _ The TARDIS might have done it for her!’

‘I’m proper confused,’ Ryan said, looking confused. 

‘The TARDIS transferred her consciousness!’ the Corsair realised. ‘To the best of its abilities anyway. She reached out, took hold of the Doctor's mind, and  _ pulled  _ her away just before the Servus guards wiped her. But she didn't do a proper job! She can’t have done, not without the arch. She  _ left  _ part of the Doctor’s mind behind and that’s how she remembered the three of you were in trouble! The TARDIS didn't ping me, the  _ Doctor  _ did. I doubt she even realised she’d done it!’

‘Of course,’ River cried. ‘I thought it was a rush job but it wasn’t! No wonder she knew to trust me, to trust  _ you.  _ She recognised Yaz as well, when we were on Rilion she knew it was her. A Servus mind wipe wouldn’t allow that it would have taken away  _ everything.’  _

‘So where is the rest of the Doctor's mind?’ Yaz asked. ‘What did the TARDIS do with it?’ 

‘Stored it for safekeeping, I’d imagine!’ the Corsair said, tugging her coat on. ‘Come on! I need to go find her.’

‘The TARDIS?’

‘No. The Doctor.’ 

‘I thought you said she wanted to be alone?’ Ryan said. 

‘Not that Doctor,  _ the  _ Doctor.’ 

* * *

The Doctor was wandering through the corridors of the citadel which she apparently used to call home, running her fingers along the golden symbols on the wall. It didn't feel familiar, didn't invoke any feelings of comfort in her, and the Doctor wondered how it was she’d come to be from a planet like this; one so beautiful yet with something that got under her skin and made her itch. Bad things had happened here. Some good, but others that were too terrible to describe. 

_ It’s why we hung out on earth so much,  _ the voice told her.  _ Much nicer atmosphere there.  _ And  _ better coffee. I could so go for a coffee right now. And a biscuit. _

The Doctor ignored the voice, not wanting to engage with it. It felt peculiar, having someone living inside your head who you knew used to be the person you now are.

_ Not as peculiar as having to take a back seat,  _ the voice huffed.  _ I’m so bored. Do you think River got where I was trying to go with the watch thing? I bet the Corsair did. She’s good like that. Thanks for mentioning it, by the way. Oh hey! Look up, d’you see that dome? The one straight ahead? _

The Doctor looked up despite herself, looking through the window of the bridge she was walking across. The Citadel was full of these bridges and she saw a building in front of her, one of those magnificent glass domes perched on top of it as a roof.

_ Me and Missy slid down there when we were kids and we both broke our legs,  _ the voice said proudly.  _ Worth it. _

‘Why are you talking to me?’ the Doctor whispered, checking she was alone before mumbling the words under her breath. ‘You weren’t there before.’

_ Ah. No. I was, you just couldn’t hear me. Are you sure you want to know why you can hear me now? It’s not good news. _

‘Why are you so  _ nice  _ to me?’ the Doctor said, pressing her forehead against the glass. ‘Shouldn’t you hate me? I’m in  _ your  _ body.’

_ You’re me, silly. I’m not going to hate you for being a version of me with no memories, although I’m going to  _ strangle  _ River for dying our hair brown I mean what.  _

‘River said I could live with her forever,’ the Doctor smiled, the memory of River’s lips on her own making her feel warm. ‘She says she loves me.’

_ She does,  _ the voice replied, and it sounded sad this time.  _ She loves me so much. I don’t deserve her. Never have done. I never used to treat her very well, either. Who knows? Maybe you’ll do better.  _

‘Doctor!’ a voice echoed down the corridor and the Doctor turned to find the Corsair and Yaz hurrying towards her. 

‘There you are,’ the Corsair said with a smile. ‘I thought you’d gotten lost! How are you doing, feeling better?’

‘Yeah, much,’ the Doctor said, plastering a smile on her face. ‘Just needed some fresh air. If air inside a dome counts as fresh.’

_ Don’t lie to her,  _ the voice whispered.  _ She’s too good a liar herself, she’ll spot it immediately.  _

‘You sure?’ Yaz asked gently, noticing the way the Doctor's face flinched suddenly. 

_ Don’t lie to Yaz either. Sharp as a button that one. Tell her I miss her. _

‘She misses you,’ the Doctor mumbled, then shook her head and pressed her hands against her ears, squeezing her eyes shut to try and block out the voice. 

_ Relax. I’m sorry, I’ll shut up for a sec. Or I’ll try to. It’s really hard. I like talking. Whoops, there I go again. Sorry, shushing now. _

‘River said you can hear a voice,’ the Corsair said gently. ‘Is that right?’

The Doctor nodded, waiting for the voice to pipe up again, but she stayed quiet. 

‘How long have you been able to hear it?’

‘Not long,’ the Doctor whispered. ‘Only for the past couple of hours.’

The Corsair and Yaz exchanged a look, faces full of worry. 

‘Remember I said your mind needed screwing back on?’ the Corsair said carefully. ‘This is why.’

‘I don’t understand,’ the Doctor frowned. ‘What’s happening?’

_ I’m sorry,  _ the voice whispered silently. 

‘The damage the mind wipe did to you was severe,’ the Corsair explained. ‘It’s affecting your brain and it’s getting worse, making it harder for you to process information. Making it harder for you to think and concentrate. You must have noticed?’ 

She had, but she didn't want to admit it.

‘River told me you needed to repair my brain tissue?’

‘Yes, that’s right. But the reason you can hear a voice - we think…’ the Corsair turned to Yaz who stepped forward and took the Doctor’s hand. The Doctor felt warmth spread through her and a pang of love shot across her chest. They weren’t her feelings though, they belonged to the voice. 

‘We think the TARDIS tried to save the Doctor's mind but she left a part of her behind,’ Yaz explained. ‘It wasn’t very clean. She - well, I guess the easiest way to explain it would be to say she  _ split  _ you _.  _ She took out the Doctor and left the blank slate that Servus created behind. Except she didn't do it properly and because your mind is… deteriorating… you’ve started being able to hear the part of the Doctor that’s left.’

Fear washed over her, doubt and torment swirling inside her head. ‘I thought  _ I  _ was the Doctor,’ she whispered. ‘River said,  _ you  _ said. You all said I was the Doctor.’ 

_ You are,  _ the voice said softly.  _ You are the Doctor.  _

‘We need to repair your mind,’ the Corsair said. ‘You can’t both survive tangled up in there and it’s going to get worse.’

‘So who gets to stay?’ the Doctor wept silently, her head aching as thoughts swirled uncontrollably around her, blackness creeping in at the edges of her vision. ‘Me or her?’

The voice remained silent. 

‘You’re the same person, really,’ Yaz said, trying to help, but one look from the Corsair said otherwise. They were most decidedly  _ not  _ the same person. 

‘Let me try and reach her,’ the Corsair said gently. ‘Let me try and speak to your voice.’ 

‘How are you going to do that?’ the Doctor asked, uncertainly. 

‘Telepathy,’ the Corsair replied. ‘If I can reach in and pull her to the surface we might finally be able to get some answers.’

‘What will happen to me?’

‘Nothing,’ the Corsair soothed, a hand on the Doctor's arm squeezing lightly. ‘You’re in control, she’s just an annoying backseat passenger. Is she lecturing? I know how she loves to lecture.’

_ I don’t lecture! _

‘No, she’s - she’s being kind to me.’

‘Because she cares about you as much as we do,’ Yaz said, smiling though her heart felt as though it was splitting. ‘You’re as much our friend as she is.’

‘Would it hurt?’ the Doctor asked quietly. 

‘No, not at all,’ the Corsair replied. ‘You’ll feel nothing. Perhaps I’ll be able to reconstruct some of your damaged neurons at the same time, get you thinking a little clearer.’

‘But I’ll come back? I -’ the Doctor looked down at the ground, out at the shining city below them, then back at the Corsair and Yaz. ‘I’d want to say goodbye.’

Yaz choked back a sob and the Corsair pressed her palm against the Doctor's cheek. 

‘You’re going nowhere,’ she said with a smile. ‘I promise.’

‘Okay then,’ the Doctor said, closing her eyes and standing as straight as she could. ‘Do it.’

_ Thank you, love,  _ the voice whispered quietly. 

The Corsair pressed a kiss against the Doctor's cheek, then placed her other hand against it and closed her eyes, concentrating, focusing, searching for her lost friend. 

A few seconds later, the Doctor's eyes flew open and she gasped, reaching out to pull a surprised Yaz in for a tight hug as a shit eating grin spread across her face. 

‘You took your time! Yaz. Oh Yaz. Are you okay? Are you hurt?’

She took Yaz’s face in her hands, kissed her hard on the forehead and hugged her again tightly. 

‘I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you all  _ so  _ much. I’m so sorry I left you there. I’m  _ so  _ sorry I abandoned you.’

‘D-Doctor?’ Yaz stammered, barely able to see through the tears pouring down her cheeks. 

‘It’s me, Yaz,’ the Doctor said, wiping away the tears with the pads of her fingers. ‘I can’t hold on for long, but for the next few minutes I’m all yours.’ 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it make sense??? Sort of?? A little bit???


	12. when the thunder and lightning comes I know that you'll be by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically I knew how I wanted to end this chapter but I found I had to keep on adding scenes and dialogue and things to get there which is why this chapter is 13 PAGES LONG.
> 
> I also a spent a lot of time on the TARDIS WIKI page.
> 
> Enjoy! :D
> 
> (I'm also running out of lyrics to use as chapter titles!)

‘How do we get you out?’ Yaz blurted out, clinging to the Doctor's arm. ‘How do we save you?’

‘I’m already saved!’ the Doctor said cheerily. ‘The TARDIS downloaded me and that is  _ uncomfortable  _ to say. Did you get my thing about the watch? Clever right. Although not strictly speaking accurate. I had to think of something the other me could say that would get the cogs turning. I know that’s hard for you.’

The Corsair smacked her on the arm. 

‘And the other you…’ Yaz said, confusion spread across her face. ‘She  _ is  _ you?’

‘Yup, she’s the mindwiped version of me.’

‘But you’re the same person?’

‘No, two different people.’

_ ‘What.’ _

‘Two different consciousnesses sharing the same body,’ the Doctor tried to hurriedly explain. ‘When the TARDIS pulled me out she inadvertently created an alternate timeline where I  _ did  _ get wiped hence why there is now another version of me. Does that make sense? Probably not. Time mechanics are confusing. Where’s Graham and Ryan? Are they okay?’

‘They’re fine,’ the Corsair quickly interrupted. ‘You’re not though. I’ve repaired some of the damage but it’s worse than I thought, your mind is deteriorating too quickly and if it gets any worse we’re gonna lose  _ both  _ of you. Whereabouts in the TARDIS is your consciousness stored?’

‘I don’t know,’ the Doctor replied, shaking her head. ‘I barely noticed her doing it till afterwards. I didn't really consider how much it would hurt, to be honest. It’s like having your brain sucked out through a -  _ ooh  _ Yaz I’m sorry, c’mere.’

She pulled Yaz in for a tight hug when the younger woman turned pale and clung onto her, pulling a face at the tapestries and decoration on the wall.

‘What were you thinking bringing us here, by the way? There’s no way that lot are gonna vote to throw them out again look at this place. It’s a dump. They haven’t even managed to fix that crack in the ceiling.’  

‘I know, but I wanted to be seen to be doing  _ something,’  _ the Corsair said with a sigh. ‘Plus, I think our lot are the only chance this universe has at shutting them down. We both know the Shadow Proclamation isn’t going to be interested.’ 

‘Are you alright though?’ Yaz asked, still holding on to the Doctor. ‘I mean, aside from the brain sucking thing, are you okay?’

‘I think so, not sure,’ the Doctor replied, face scronched. ‘It’s a bit like turning yourself human, except it isn’t. Teeny bit more complicated.’

‘There’s always been a question of morals with turning yourself human,’ the Corsair said, looking slightly guilty for some reason. ‘This is even more difficult though.’

‘You can  _ turn yourself human,’  _ Yaz said, shocked.

‘Sort of. In emergencies. Try and avoid it though, really hurts. Not that this is much better. You’re going to have to find out where the TARDIS stored me then figure out how to shove me back in again, except…’

‘We’re gonna lose the other you,’ Yaz said. 

The Doctor nodded.

‘But it won’t be like - I mean,’ Yaz pondered how to phrase her question, looking out at the barren landscape beneath the mountains in the distance. ‘It won’t be like  _ killing  _ her, will it? Because she’s you so - oh.’ Realisation dawned and Yaz’s face went slack. ‘Except she’s  _ not  _ you. You just said. She’s her own person.’

‘Like I said,’ the Corsair sighed. ‘Question of morals.’ 

‘But we can’t  _ not  _ rescue you!’ Yaz said, starting to sound panicked. ‘We just can’t! You were here first!’

‘I’m also not in control,’ the Doctor reminded her gently. ‘In fact we’re gonna have to think of something quick cause I can’t hold on for much longer, starting to feel a bit burny.’ She gestured at her head, face scronched in pain, and Yaz grabbed at her; willing her to stay in the here and now through the sheer strength of grip she had on her sleeve. 

‘We’ll head to the TARDIS and try and find out where she hid you away,’ the Corsair said. ‘Hopefully she made it obvious.’

‘ _ Urgh  _ sounds like a plan.’ The Doctor pressed her head against Yaz’s shoulder, teeth gritted and body tense as red hot pain pressed against the inside of her head. ‘Tell Graham and Ryan, tell them I’m sorry I left you.’

‘No, don’t be sorry,’ Yaz begged her. ‘You came back. You brought help.’ 

‘I shouldn’t have gotten you lot into that mess in the first place. And tell River - tell her, tell her I -’

Then her eyes rolled back in her head and Yaz barely had time to catch her before she fell to the floor in a boneless heap. 

* * *

After carrying the Doctor back to the library and leaving her in the capable hands of River and the other humans, the Corsair was soon collected by a member of the high council and now found herself tapping her foot crossly in their council chambers, anger and annoyance building up inside her as she tried to defend her argument which, as far as she was concerned, shouldn’t need defending in the first place.

‘That is hardly justification, Lord Corsair,’ the General said, fingers tapping idly on the table.

‘How is it hardly?’ the Corsair replied, arms wide in annoyance. ‘How is the wipe and torture of one of our own  _ not  _ justification for shutting down a regime which we know,  _ as an established fact because this has happened before,  _ is more than capable of beginning conquest of thousands, perhaps even  _ millions,  _ of species and planets.’

‘They’re not strong enough for that yet.’

‘You’re supposed to be a general yet I don’t think you’re really hearing yourself,’ the Corsair glowered at her. ‘ _ Before  _ they get to full strength is the best time to launch an attack. If we dawdle or wait we’ll miss our window.’ 

‘The Time Lords swore to observe only, not partake in conflict,’ another Time Lord replied. 

‘Tell that to the billions who burned during the Time War,’ the Corsair said darkly. ‘We’re well beyond that excuse now.’ 

‘The assembly will hear your argument tomorrow, Lord Corsair,’ the President said, standing up from his chair and signalling that the debate was over. ‘Until then, I suggest you look after the Doctor and the humans you brought into this city.’

‘You don’t even care about her, do you?’ the Corsair glared at him. ‘You couldn’t care less if she gets better or if she deteriorates.’

‘Of course we care,’ the General snapped. ‘I fought alongside the Doctor -’

‘Which obviously means nothing to you, considering you haven’t once bothered to visit her.’

‘That’s enough,’ the President said. ‘We will adjourn till tomorrow’s session and make a decision then.’

‘Rassilon stopped caring about the universe,’ the Corsair said, just before the Time Lords began to file out of the council chamber, ‘and look what happened to him.’

‘Is that a threat?’ the President replied, looking at her with black eyes.

‘Of course not,’ the Corsair answered with a shrug. ‘Just an observation.’

‘How is the Doctor?’ the General asked, hanging back once the other council members had left. 

‘Not amazing,’ the Corsair said. ‘I tried to reverse some of the damage but -’ she shook her head sadly. ‘I’m not sure how much good it’ll do.’ 

‘Does she remember anything?’

‘Not really, bits and pieces. Her TARDIS tried to help but - I don’t know. We’ll see, I suppose.’

The General looked around the room, checking they were alone.

‘I’m sorry I haven’t been to see her,’ she whispered in a low voice. ‘I wanted to, but it’ll look too suspicious. Half of the assembly want her imprisoned for the trick he pulled with Clara Oswald.’

‘Clara who?’ the Corsair said with a frown.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ the General murmured. ‘The point is if you need anything, if there’s  _ anything  _ I can do for you, let me know.’

She began to head for the door but turned back to look at the Corsair, her eyes sad. 

‘I do care for her,’ she said quietly. ‘A great deal. I hope she isn’t suffering.’

Then she left.

* * *

‘I’m starving,’ the Corsair announced, throwing the doors to the library open dramatically. ‘We’re not going to get any decent food here. I know an adorable pub round the corner, if it’s still standing that is. Fancy a late night walk? I would offer to show you the sights but after the war there’s not many sights to see.’

The Doctor looked up at her from where she sat with her knees up against her chest in the corner window, looking out across the city with blank eyes, and the Corsair smiled at her reassuringly. She’d not said anything since she’d come round and Yaz wondered if she knew what they’d discussed with her other self. She suspected she had judging from her silence. She also wondered if the Doctor was still speaking to her, and if so what was she saying?

‘I think it might be the pub I met you in, actually,’ the Corsair laughed. ‘You got into an argument with someone and was thrown over the table I was sitting at, knocked my beer everywhere.’

‘I for one would love some grub,’ Graham said. ‘I ran out of sandwiches ages ago. What do you reckon, Doc? Pub dinner?’

‘Best pies in the galaxy,’ the Corsair said. ‘Come on. Dinner on me.’ 

It was still warm outside, despite the late hour, though a breeze blew through the streets and ruffled Yaz’s hair. She couldn’t tell where it was coming from, trapped as they were in the dome, and they were also getting a lot of curious looks from the residents of Gallifrey; who stood in their doorways and watched them go or pulled back the curtains for a better view. 

‘Ignore them,’ the Corsair said, an arm around the Doctor's shoulders. ‘This is probably the most exciting thing that's happened to them for years. Ah, here we are. Still standing after all.’

The pub looked like any other, a wooden sign swinging from above their heads proclaiming it  _ The Stargazers Inn  _ and when the Corsair pushed open the door a rush of warm air came in to meet them, the sound of chatter and laughter abruptly grinding to a halt as the patrons caught sight of the group of six stood in the doorway.

‘That’s hardly a welcome, is it?’ the Corsair said, hand on her hip exposing the ouroboros tattoo on her forearm.

‘Corsair!’ the bartender boomed, raising a glass to her. ‘Welcome back. Come on lads, clear a table for her lordship and her friends. Will it be the usual?’ 

‘Plus extra,’ the Corsair said, sitting the Doctor down at a table in front of the fire. ‘We’re all starving.’ 

‘This is like our local in Sheffield,’ Graham said, sitting down and looking up at the wooden beams across the ceiling, lanterns sending out soft orange light and the fire in front of them warm and inviting. The sound of talking and beer glasses clinking together had started up again and if Graham closed his eyes he fancied he could still pretend he was back on Earth. 

‘It’s the one constant across the universe,’ the Corsair said with a shrug. ‘Every civilisation must have a half decent pub. Here, try this.’ She shoved a tankard of something that looked like beer into the Doctor’s hands. ‘This used to be your favourite.’

The Doctor took a sip and pulled a face, making Yaz laugh at her expression of disgust. 

‘Taste buds change every regeneration,’ the Corsair said with a grin. ‘It’s a lottery. The day I realised I’d stopped liking oranges was the worst day of my life. Round on me, since I’m assuming none of you have any money. Stay here a moment.’

She walked up to the bar, stopping every few tables when someone recognised her or she saw an old friend. She seemed naturally at home in the pub and Yaz wondered when the last time she’d come home was, and why she and the Doctor seemed so determined to stay away from Gallifrey. It seemed like a friendly enough place, though the High Council and its snobbiness didn't seem to be something either Time Lord would get on with.

‘Do you recognise this pub, Doctor?’ Yaz asked. ‘It’s nice. I can see why the Corsair likes it.’

‘No,’ the Doctor replied, her voice croaky as she shook her head. ‘I don’t recognise any of it.’ 

‘It’s a nice place you got here, Doc,’ Graham said, as cheerily as he could. ‘This planet is beautiful. Not surprised you left though. That lot in the chamber were a bit up themselves, eh? You’re not like that. Neither’s the Corsair, come to think of it.’

‘So is everyone here a Time Lord, then?’ Ryan asked, looking around. ‘Does everyone have a TARDIS?’

‘Time Lord is a rank, not a species,’ River corrected him. 

‘A rank? Like an army rank?’ Yaz sounded confused.

‘Similar,’ the Corsair said, sitting down with a tray full of drinks. ‘But not really. You have lords on your planet, don’t you? The rank is more honorary, symbolising a graduate of the academy, but we did fight in the Time War. That was non-optional.’

Her face darkened and Yaz snuck a look at the Doctor. She looked so lost and confused that Yaz couldn’t imagine her fighting in a war in that instant, especially with her strong aversion to guns and other weapons.

‘River, do you mind helping me carry the food over?’ the Corsair asked politely, and Ryan was about to ask why the bar staff didn't do it like in any other pub, but then he saw the Corsair’s face and her true meaning became clear. This wasn’t about the food.

‘Keep her distracted,’ the Corsair hissed to River once they were out of earshot heading back to the bar. ‘I’ll sneak out and head back to the TARDIS, see if I can find out where the old girl hid her.’

‘I don’t think keeping her distracted will be a problem,’ River said sadly. ‘She barely knows where she is now.’ 

‘Keep your faith,’ the Corsair urged, squeezing her arm tightly. ‘We’ve still got time. I’ll be back as fast I can.’ She turned to the bartender and slid a handful of coins across the table, voice low in the loud brashness of the room. ‘Keep the blonde safe while I’m gone, and they’ll be more where that came from.’

The bartender nodded and accepted the coins, pushing a tray of hot food towards them. 

‘Anything else you need, ma’am, you just let me know.’

Back at the table, the Corsair and River laid out the food and the Corsair grabbed her coat from the back of her chair.

‘Just got to run some errands, I’ll be back soon,’ she told the Doctor, squeezing her shoulder reassuringly. ‘Eat up, you look pale as a ghost.’

With a knowing look at Yaz, the Corsair turned and left the pub. 

* * *

Outside, the wind whipped the Corsair’s hair as she strolled through the village, heading out towards the edge of the woods where they’d left the TARDIS earlier that day. She remembered when the whole town had been ablaze, the sky above full of Daleks, and a scorch mark from a Dalek’s weapon on the wall made her stomach turn as she heard the screams ringing in her head. She’d been a man back then, as had the Doctor, and her jaw clenched as she pictured the armour they’d both worn; red and gold and hard as iron. It hadn’t done much against Dalek weapon fire, but then nothing had. They’d both gotten rid of the armour early on in the war, not wanting to be associated with the soldiers of Gallifrey intent on bloodshed and the utter destruction of their enemies. It hadn’t just been the Daleks, come the end. The Corsair remembered the sharp fangs of the Nightmare Child, the twisted crown of the Could’ve-Been King, and her head pounded as she paused for a moment; hands on her knees sucking in deep breaths of air whilst the images flashed through her mind.

Everytime she closed her eyes she saw it all playing out like a movie behind her lids and she wondered if the Doctor did too. 

The TARDIS was warm under her hands and it opened without her having to ask, the door swinging inward despite the instruction on the front panel advising to the contrary. The lights flickered on as the ship welcomed her inside and the Corsair tossed her coat over the Doctor's little science station tucked away in the corner. 

‘Alright you,’ she said. ‘What have you done with her?’ 

A panel on the console lit up, the TARDIS making a soft clicking noise as it did so, and a small silver fob watch appeared from inside the console, residual artron energy swirling around it and illuminating the Corsair’s face in the low light of the room. 

‘Oh darling, you tried,’ the Corsair said quietly, holding the watch in her hands. ‘I have no idea what will happen if I give her this, if it’ll even  _ work,  _ but it’s better than nothing.’

The TARDIS hummed urgently and the Corsair tucked the watch into her pocket, feeling all that was left of her friend tucked away against her ribs. 

‘Of course I’m still going to try, but I can’t force her. If we have any chance of this working she needs to decide to do it herself. Her mind is so fragile that if she’s not prepared it’ll probably destroy what’s left of her.’

The TARDIS clicked sadly and the Corsair patted the console. 

‘Don’t worry, old girl. I’ll do what I can.’ 

* * *

Once back in the pub, the Corsair sat beside the Doctor and tucked into her food, ignoring the urgent glances Yaz and River kept shooting her. The Doctor was silent beside her, barely eating, and the Corsair had to prompt her every now and then to take a bite of her dinner. It was warm and cosy in the pub and the Corsair could see the Doctor's eyes threatening to close as she slumped down into her chair. She looked pale and thin and the Corsair felt the Time Lord inside the fob watch nudging at her, warm against her ribs, and she reached out to take the Doctor's hand, squeezing it tightly. 

Graham and Ryan had joined a group of men at one of the tables playing what looked like pool and Yaz and River were both sat in silence looking into the fire and taking small sips of their drinks. The pub was quieter than the Corsair remembered it, despite the chatter and sounds of laughter and voices in the room. She remembered drunken singalongs, bar fights, dancing, shouting and cheers. She remembered when the pub had life and now it was more a shell of itself. 

‘Can I get you anything else, sweetheart?’ the Corsair asked the Doctor when she realised she’d only eaten half her pie and clearly had no intention of eating anything else. 

‘No, thank you,’ the Doctor replied, shaking her head, and the Corsair took her hand and stood her up; shaking her head at River and Yaz when the two women made to follow them. 

‘Come on, let’s go for a walk,’ the Corsair said softly, dropping her coat over the Doctor's shoulders and leading her outside into the night. 

* * *

‘Did you find the other me?’ the Doctor asked quietly, and the Corsair realised that she  _ had  _ heard everything. 

‘Yes,’ the Corsair said gently. ‘I did.’

‘And you want to bring her back?’

‘I want you safe,’ the Corsair replied, tucking her arm through the Doctor's, ‘in whatever form that takes. Come this way, I want to show you something.’

She led her through the streets which were now more or less empty, the stars shining so brightly above them that other galaxies were visible in the sky. They crossed the edge of the drylands, past the shining forests with the silver trees and towards the mountains of Solace and Solitude. It was a warm night and the Doctor reached out a hand when a plethora of strange creatures flew close to them, the stars reflecting on their golden wings.

_ Flutterwings,  _ the voice said quietly inside her head. It had been almost silent since the Corsair and Yaz had spoken to the other her, and as soon as it had spoken it quietened again; though the Doctor knew it was still there, could practically feel the other her in the back of her skull. 

‘Little pests,’ the Corsair said with a shrug. ‘But you always like them. Here we are, recognise it?’

She’d brought them to the top of a hill where a large lake flowed beneath them, the water shining and illuminating the darkness. Magnificent purple flowers grew around the lake and it was there the Flutterwings were headed, settling over them and creating the illusion of golden flowers. 

‘Lake Abydos,’ the Corsair said with a smile. ‘Romana’s favourite getaway. Do you remember her? I’ve not heard from her in years. Goodness knows where she is now, if she’s even still alive. That’s the problem with our lot. We live so long we lose track of each other. Who knows who’s dead and alive by this point.’

_ The little boxes will make you angry. _

The Doctor winced as the voice did, the other her clearly furious with itself for picturing what was obviously a painful memory. She hadn’t seen much, only an arm with the snake tattoo upon it which meant nothing to her, but the voice had quickly wrapped the image away and stored it away somewhere deep. 

The Corsair sat down on the edge of the hill and the Doctor joined her, twisting her fingers into the rich red grass and listening to the calls of some unknown animal in the trees. 

_ Trunkikes,  _ the voice whispered.  _ Not harmful, just noisy.  _

‘This is the other you,’ the Corsair said, removing the fobwatch from her coat pocket. ‘This is what the TARDIS stored the other you away in. Usually we use Chameleon Arches to transfer our consciousness but - in extreme circumstances - this will work as well.’ 

The Corsair placed it on the grass between them and the Doctor looked down at it in fear. She wasn’t sure why she was so afraid, but she could feel the other her shifting in the back of her mind and she found her hand hovering above it, golden wisps of energy leaking out and wrapping around her fingertips.

‘What do I need to do?’ she asked the Corsair, her voice quiet.

‘If you decide changing back is what you want, you open the watch,’ the Corsair replied, taking hold of her hand before she could lift it up. ‘But you understand what that means, don’t you?’

‘I wouldn’t be  _ me  _ anymore, would I?’ the Doctor whispered, and the Corsair nodded. 

‘No. Your Time Lord consciousness would reassert itself.’

‘I’d be her.’

‘Yes.’

Something tight gripped the Doctor's chest and she heard the voice in her head whispering soothingly to her, trying to calm her and ease her through the wave of apprehension that was currently washing over her. 

_ Easy. It’s alright. _

‘You’re going to need to do it for me,’ the Doctor whispered. ‘Cause I can’t, I can’t do it. I can’t stop being me it would be - be -’

_ Suicide, of a sort,  _ the voice murmurered gently.  _ I know.  _

‘It’s not a choice I’ll make on your behalf, not while you’re still able to make it yourself,’ the Corsair said quietly, pressing the fobwatch into the Doctor's hands and closing her fingers around it. ‘No-one else can decide this for you and no-one else will judge you based on your decision.’

‘You mean if I chose to remain as I am and my brain rots away to the point where I can’t think for myself any more,’ the Doctor replied miserably. ‘What happens then?’

The Corsair shook her head, not wanting to answer the question. 

‘Will I regenerate?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Maybe?’

‘Yes. Definitely.’

The Doctor held out the watch which was warm and humming quietly in her hand. If she listened carefully, she fancied she could hear the other her singing softly in her mind. It was soothing, though terror still gripped at her chest and she swallowed hard. 

‘I don’t think I want to make this decision.’

‘You have to,’ the Corsair replied sadly, squeezing her hand reassuringly. ‘I’m sorry. If I could do it for you I would, but it has to be your choice.’ 

The Doctor shoved the watch into her pocket and curled up against the Corsair, feeling her body warm against her own. The air was cool, the sky was beautiful, and in the distance the mountains were shining. 

‘Tell me about the lake,’ she whispered. ‘Tell me about Romana. I want to know all of it.’ 

‘Well,’ the Corsair said with a quiet chuckle, ‘it all started with those damn singing fish…’ 

* * *

That night, the Doctor had a dream.

It was the first proper dream she’d had since being wiped, or at least the first one that wasn’t full of shadows, screaming, and sinister voices, and in it she was back on the hill where she’d spent the previous evening listening to the Corsair tell her stories till the suns had risen, their rays lighting the silver trees on fire and making them shine throughout the valley. 

‘Hello,’ her own voice said, and the Doctor turned to find a woman who looked exactly like her stood on the hill with her hands in her pockets. She was dressed in blue trousers, a top with streaks of colour across it, and a long grey coat. 

‘Are you…?’

‘ _ The other you,’  _ the woman said, making spooky gestures with her hands. ‘Yeah. I’m the Doctor. Nice to finally talk to you. Face to face, that is.’ 

‘But you’re - you look like -’

‘We’re practically the same person,’ the other Doctor said, though her smile was full of melancholy. ‘I mean, not really, obviously, but practically.’

‘And you’re in the watch.’

‘Yes. Or the majority of me is. Time mechanics, so confusing. Will you sit down?’

The other Doctor sat herself down on the grass and patted the space beside her. Her smile was warm and she tucked her arm through the Doctor's once she was sat next to her, stretching out her legs in the red grass. 

‘I wanted to say thank you. Thank you  _ so much,’  _ the other Doctor said with a bright smile. ‘You found River and you rescued my friends.  _ Our  _ friends. You did all that without a clue who you were or what was going on that’s - I mean that’s - you’re  _ brilliant.  _ I honestly can’t thank you enough for saving them, for rescuing Yaz, for coming up with that  _ amazing  _ idea to go after Ryan.’

‘But I’m you,’ the Doctor said, face scronched. ‘Surely those ideas were all yours?’

‘Nope,’ the other Doctor replied, popping the ‘p’. ‘I was stuck in the back of your head doing the equivalent of banging against a window for all of that. You were the incredible person who came up with all of those ideas and rescued those wonderful friends of ours.’ 

‘I feel - different,’ the Doctor said, looking down at her hands. ‘I don’t feel the same as I did. Everything is difficult and confused and it’s all starting to  _ hurt.’ _

‘Cognitive degeneration,’ the other Doctor said softly. ‘After effect of the mind wipe. Very common after effect of the wipe I’m honestly amazed they manage to keep any slaves alive the way they fry their brains like that.’

‘What will happen to me?’ the Doctor whispered. ‘Will it be like the Corsair said? I’ll just - exist but also  _ won’t  _ exist?’

‘Yes,’ the other Doctor said gently. 

‘So I should turn back into you? And that will stop it from happening?’

The other Doctor looked uncomfortable. 

‘I - I can’t tell you what to do. It has to be your choice.’

‘Why do people keep saying that?’ the Doctor said angrily, frustrated. ‘I can’t make this decision it’s too big. I don’t want to die! But surely - surely you want to come back?’

‘Of course I do,’ the other Doctor said gently, reaching out to take her hand. ‘But ultimately this decision has to be yours. I’ve had thousands of years of lives I don’t need any more.’ 

‘I can’t bear the way they look at me,’ the Doctor said, looking down at their hands conjoined in her lap. ‘Our friends. They look at me like I’m already dead.’

‘Humans,’ the other Doctor chuckled. ‘They’re not very good at hiding their emotions. In fact they’re terrible at it.’ 

‘Don’t you want to go back to them?’ the Doctor asked, tears filling her eyes. ‘Don’t you want to see your friends again?’

‘Yes, but they’ll be fine without me,’ the other Doctor whispered. ‘They’ll go back to Earth and live their lives and they’ll be okay.’

The Doctor could feel her head spinning, darkness creeping in at the corner of her eyes, and just because blackness took her she felt soft lips at her cheek as the other Doctor leaned in and kissed her gently. 

‘Whatever you decide,’ the other Doctor whispered softly. ‘You’ll be safe.’ 

* * *

Yaz woke up when she heard the Corsair moving around, dim orange rays seeping in through the window. It felt early and she blinked open tired eyes, watching as the Corsair moved around the room, gathering her clothes and clipping one of those strange collars around her neck.

‘What are you doing?’ Yaz asked, muffling a yawn behind her hand. 

‘Assembly meetings require formal wear,’ the Corsair replied, pulling a face at her reflection as she tugged a long red and gold robe over the top to complete the ensemble. ‘It’s stupid, but after the war Gallifrey is hanging on to anything that reminds them of the glory days.’

‘Is the vote this morning?’ Yaz asked, sitting up and kicking the sheets from her legs. ‘Can I come?’

‘Humans aren’t allowed in the chambers,’ the Corsair replied, braiding her hair over her shoulder. 

‘We were in there yesterday.’

‘Yes, and you shouldn’t have been.’

‘The Doctor would sneak us in,’ Yaz said, sneaking a glance at the aforementioned woman who was still asleep; curled under the sheets and breathing softly. 

The Corsair groaned in annoyance. 

‘Fine. Challenge accepted. Just you though, and you better put this on.’ 

She held out another robe and Yaz padded across the room, slipping it on over her clothes and shoving her feet into her boots.

‘Keep your head down and don’t draw attention to yourself,’ the Corsair said as they left the room and headed down the corridor. Through the glass windows, Yaz could see the suns shining as they rose, scarlet light weaving through the streets.

They soon joined a crowd of Time Lords all making their way inside the hall, the red and gold splendour of their robes catching the suns’ light. 

‘Sit at the back,’ the Corsair hissed at Yaz. ‘And remember, head  _ down.  _ If they catch you in here we’re both gonna be in trouble.’

Yaz followed her direction and headed as far back as she could go, keeping her head down as instructed and sitting down on an uncomfortable wooden bench at the back of the room whilst the Corsair sat near the front. The chamber was full and as soon as the high council filed in a hush fell, the odd murmur or muttered whisper dying down once the President stood up.

Yaz wasn’t warming to him. He was a tall man with thick, dark hair and a rather pinched expression. He put Yaz in mind of a rat and she wouldn’t be surprised if he acted like one too. 

‘Esteemed members of the council,’ the President boomed, his voice carrying right to the back of the chamber where Yaz sat on the edge of her seat, hands fisted tightly in her borrowed robes.

‘We are called here today by the Lord Corsair,’ the President continued, ‘on urgent matters relating to the reformation of the Kreen Empire and the continued use of Servus; where sadly one of our own was wiped and suffered severe cognitive degeneration which will likely end her life.’

Murmurs swept the chamber, Time Lords shaking their heads and whispering to one another. Not all of the comments were sympathetic, however, and Yaz gritted her teeth and tried to keep her body still as the President gestured to the Corsair. 

‘Lord Corsair, please. Present your argument.’

‘Esteemed Lords and Ladies,’ the Corsair began, standing and turning to face the assembly. Her eye caught Yaz’s for a brief moment before she continued. 

‘Thousands upon thousands of years ago, this great civilisation became aware of an atrocity which was sweeping throughout the universe, an evil so great and powerful there was no question as to whether or not we should intervene. I am aware, as is our high council, that our place in the universe since then has been to observe only, but how can we do that when they come to our shores and hurt our own? The Doctor will likely -’ she coughed and cleared her throat though Yaz suspected it was for show, as much as she knew the Corsair cared for the Doctor ‘- the Doctor, as our President has said, will likely die as a result of her injuries. A regeneration may be possible but, as we all know, with cognitive injuries sometimes the damage is too great.’

The Corsair took a step forward, drawing herself up to her full height. She was a very impressive figure in her robes and Yaz found herself hanging on her every word. 

‘We are weakened from the Time War. We are not the great civilisation we once were, but - as the Doctor herself would say - we have a duty of care to the Universe. Where we can help, we should. Where we see evil deeds being done, we have a duty to stop it. There was a time when no species, no race, no civilisation would dare to cross us. We are not soldiers, despite recent events, but we are guardians. Caring for those in peril is the oath all of us took upon leaving the academy. Doing what’s right is something all of us feel strongly about. Making a stand, having the strength to intervene where no-one else will is a part of who we all are. What is the point in standing by and doing nothing, in  _ observing only,  _ if we can’t even protect our own?’

Yaz, to her relief, could see nods spreading through the room. Cries of  _ hear hear  _ were echoing in the cavernous space and at least half of the assembly were on their feet, yelling their support. 

The Corsair nodded at those standing in solidarity with her, though Yaz could practically see her counting those stood up. 

Not enough. Not quite half.

‘Many of you fought alongside the Doctor,’ the Corsair continued, ‘so please. I beg of you. If you won’t do it for the universe, if you won’t do it for the billions of slaves already in servitude across the empire then please, do it for the Doctor.’

Then she sat down, and the debate began.

It was pretty evenly matched, Yaz realised as she listened. Those that were for were behind the Corsair 100%, echoing her words that they were perhaps the only race who could intervene, that it was their duty, that they could not allow these atrocities to continue. 

Those against also raised good points, however. That they weren’t strong enough, that failing would leave them vulnerable to exploitation by other races, that most of the universe still believed Gallifrey gone and perhaps this wasn’t the best time for them to reappear, not when they were still so weak. 

Then it was time for the vote.

Yaz had initially believed that the ‘for’ side would be beaten, but she was pleased to find that the majority of the assembly had been moved to action by the Corsair’s words and there were a number of Time Lords, including Yaz herself despite the Corsair’s warning about keeping her head down, on their feet when their vote was called. 

The numbers were double checked and then the President stood to announce the verdict. Yaz saw the Corsair hold her breath in anticipation, though at this point Yaz had no idea what the result was going to be. It seemed too close to tell. 

‘I would like to begin by thanking the Lord Corsair for bringing this matter to our attention,’ the President said, nodding his head in acknowledgment at the Corsair, ‘and for you, our esteemed council, for taking the time to listen and debate this issue. The votes are as follows: the number who voted  _ for  _ taking action is 59. The number who voted  _ against  _ taking action, is 60.’

Yaz’s heart plummeted and angry shouts immediately began echoing around the chamber. It was clear those 59 were not happy with the result.

‘Order!’ the President barked, and silence fell immediately.

‘I understand that this is a controversial issue, therefore I will consider timetabling another vote in the future if the occasion arises, but, if there are no further votes to be placed, I think we have our answer. The council will  _ not -’ _

‘OI!’

The doors to the chamber banged open and Yaz’s heart thumped hard in her chest as a familiar figure barged in and she had to grip the edges of her seat to stop herself from standing up, or crying, or laughing, or doing something that might draw attention to herself.

The Doctor stood beside the Corsair, clad head to foot in ceremonial Time Lord robes with fury in her eyes.

‘I think you’re forgetting someone.  _ Lord President,’  _ she glared at him. 

Someone cheered from behind Yaz and the Doctor turned her head to follow the noise. When her eyes landed on Yaz her eyebrows shot up into her hairline and she gave the Corsair a  _ look _ , the other Time Lord only shrugging and grinning back at her. 

The Doctor turned her head back towards the rear seats, met Yaz’s eyes, and  _ winked. _

 


	13. that loving man ain't no rolling stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU GINOODLE FOR HELPING ME THROUGH THE WRITERS BLOCK YOUR MIND <3 <3 <3
> 
> Can I finish this story in the next chapter? We'll see!

_ 3 hours earlier _

‘Doctor?’

The Doctor opened her eyes, head muddled and confused as she tried to take in her surroundings. The vestiges of her dream were fading from her mind and she felt a small hum of joy from the other her as Yaz sat beside her on the bed, hand reaching out to take hers. It was dark in the room and the Doctor could see River asleep in the bed in the corner, Ryan and Graham both snoring away on the other side of the room. There was no sign of the Corsair. Yaz’s hair was loose around her shoulders and she was dressed only in a tshirt and her underwear, but she clambered under the covers when the Doctor moved up to make space for her and wriggled down till they were side by side. 

‘You sounded upset,’ Yaz said quietly. ‘I wanted to make sure you were okay.’ 

‘Upset?’

‘Yeah, like you were in pain. Is everything okay?’

‘I - I think so. I was just - dreaming.’ 

Truth be told, the Doctor wasn’t sure  _ what  _ she was feeling. It was like there was cotton wool in her head, thoughts cloudy and unravelling in her mind, but Yaz was warm beside her and she curled into her; hearing Yaz make a quiet sound of surprise before warm arms wrapped around her and held her tight.

‘Is this okay?’ the Doctor whispered quietly, head pressed against Yaz’s chest listening to the steady thump of her heart. 

‘Yes,’ Yaz replied, but she sounded sad and the Doctor reached up a hand to cup her cheek, shocked to find wet against her fingertips.

‘Are you crying?’

‘No,’ Yaz said in the telltale voice that indicated that yes, she  _ was  _ crying, and the Doctor wriggled up so she could press their foreheads together.

‘What’s the matter?’ she whispered. ‘Are you worried about her? You don’t need to be. I think I know what I need to do.’

‘No,’ Yaz blurted out. ‘No, it’s  _ you  _ I’m worried about.’

‘Me? But I’m -’

‘My friend as well.’

The Doctor frowned and she felt an echo of sadness inside her, the remnants of time spent together now lost to her as Yaz reached up to curl her fingers in soft blonde hair.

‘I - I think I’m in love with you,’ she whispered quietly. ‘With the Doctor, but also with you. You’re just so  _ kind  _ and even when you’re alone and frightened you’re still brave and wonderful and I don’t know what I’m going to do when - if -’

She pressed her hands against her eyes as fresh tears leaked out, face a picture of misery, and the Doctor reached out to grip her shoulder; unsure what else she could do to make her friend feel better.

_ Oh, Yaz,  _ the voice whispered.  _ Please don’t cry.  _

‘It was the Lurin’s fault,’ Yaz said, voice wrecked. ‘When I thought you were back, the first time I mean, the Lurin tricked me and I kissed her and it just felt so wonderful and I thought for a split second that maybe you had feelings for me and it’s okay if you don’t!’ - she continued quickly - ‘honestly I’m just happy spending time with you but it was such a horrible joke and - and it hurt me more than I realised.’

‘Then let me kiss you properly,’ the Doctor found herself saying. ‘River showed me how.’

Yaz hiccup-laughed. 

‘Oh god, I didn't need to know that.’

‘Would it help?’ 

‘I - I don’t know. Wouldn’t River mind?’

_ No, she’d probably want to watch,  _ the voice said, and the Doctor could practically hear the accompanying eye roll in her words.

‘No, she won’t mind.’ 

‘Are you sure?’ 

Yaz’s voice was tinny, barely perceptible, and the Doctor leaned forward and very gently pressed their lips together, only for a couple of seconds, before pulling away. Yaz’s eyes were closed and her lips were parted slightly but when she opened her eyes again they were shining. 

‘Can we do that again?’ she asked quietly. 

The Doctor pulled Yaz close with an arm across her waist and kissed her again, more firmly this time. She felt Yaz wrap an arm around her neck and push their bodies together, hand twisting in her hair as she slipped her tongue inside the Doctor's mouth. It was a peculiar sensation but not unpleasant and the Doctor hung onto Yaz tightly, full of emotions she didn't understand.

It felt different, kissing Yaz. Kissing River had been more like hunger; like something you’ve waited for for so long that you thought you might burst if it didn't happen soon. Kissing Yaz felt like a rare taste of something sweet, something gentle that had previously been off limits but had now opened itself up to you. She was warm and soft in the Doctor's arms and the sensation was so soothing that she could almost feel all her worries slipping away. Yaz was always going to be her friend, no matter what body she was in, and that knowledge was more comforting than the Doctor could ever have anticipated. 

_ I can’t believe she kissed the Lurin,  _ the voice whispered in her mind after they’d pulled away and Yaz was breathing heavily against her chest.  _ They have needles for teeth.  _

‘I don’t think she knew that,’ the Doctor replied, and Yaz looked up at her in confusion.

‘What was that?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Was that - were you talking to -?’

‘Trust me, you don’t want to know.’

‘I should have asked first,’ Yaz said, looking a little guilty. ‘The voice in your head. Did she mind? Was she okay with it?’

_ Kisses are fun,  _ the voice said, though there was a touch of hesitation there.  _ And I don’t think I could refuse Yaz anything. _

‘No, she didn't mind,’ the Doctor said softly, pressing her face against Yaz’s neck. ‘Are you feeling better?’

Yaz nodded and curled against her, fingers reached for the material of the Doctor’s shirt as she slowly drifted off in her arms.

The Doctor lay awake, eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. 

‘Did you know she loved you?’ she whispered quietly to the empty air. 

_ No,  _ the voice replied, melancholy and sad. 

‘How could you not notice?’ the Doctor mumbled, but the voice didn't respond and when Yaz slipped out of her embrace and back into her own bed an hour or so later the Doctor pretended to be asleep. 

* * *

River was woken up by a dip in her bed, then a soft body curled around her and a warm hand found its way into hers. It was dark in the room and River felt a cold nose press against her neck, a pair of feet wriggling their way between her legs. 

‘Hello, love,’ River said gently, rolling onto her side to tuck an arm across the Doctor's waist and kiss her cheek softly. 

‘I kissed Yaz,’ the Doctor admitted out of nowhere, and River burst out laughing; quickly quietening down when Ryan and Graham started to wake up. 

‘Well done,’ she chortled. ‘Poor Yaz has been pining after you for days. Does she feel better?’

‘I think so, but Yaz and the Corsair have gone,’ the Doctor whispered. ‘I think they’ve gone to the council. They’re going to vote today.’

‘I remember,’ River murmured, running her fingers through soft blonde hair. ‘Did you want to go?’

She felt her wife shake her head. 

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. Not like this, anyway. Maybe after.’

‘After what?’ River said with a frown.

She felt the Doctor press a circular object into her palm and her heart skipped a beat. 

‘Is this…?’

In the low light of the room she could just about make out the Gallifreyan markings on the surface of the fob watch and it hummed in her hands. She smiled as she felt the Doctor inside the watch calling out to her, soft tendrils of love nudging inside her head. 

‘How did you get this?’ River breathed.

‘The Corsair gave it to me last night,’ the Doctor said, sounding miserable. ‘She said it’s the other me.’ 

‘It is,’ River said, handing the watch back to her. ‘I’m amazed the TARDIS managed to store it.’ 

‘I’ve been thinking,’ the Doctor said, voice quiet in the dark. ‘I should probably open it, shouldn’t I? I mean I’m gonna die anyway, seems stupid not to.’

River was silent and the Doctor curled into her arms.

‘I want to do it with you though. I want you to be there when I change back. She loves you.’ 

‘And I love you,’ River whispered. ‘Both of you.’ 

‘Will it hurt?’ the Doctor asked, voice quiet.

‘No, darling,’ River replied. ‘It won’t. But are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want?’

‘Better to do it now before I change my mind,’ the Doctor said, then suddenly the watch was in front of her face and she’d clicked it open before River had a chance to stop her; golden light spiralling into the air and illuminating the gloomy room as the Doctor's eyes shone gold. A few moments later, the now empty watch dropped from her hand - clattering on the stone floor - and the Doctor screwed her eyes tightly shut, hands pressed against either side of her head. 

River was frozen in shock, unable to process what had just happened or how  _ fast  _ it had just happened. It seemed like years ago that the Doctor had crash landed in her garden and now -  _ maybe  _ \- she was about to get her back? Did she dare hope? Was it not too late?

_ ‘Urgh,’  _ the Doctor complained. ‘I forgot how much that  _ really stings.’  _

She looked up, shaking her head as the last vestiges of light spilled from the corners of her eyes, and her face split into a grin. 

‘Hello, sweetie.’ 

River’s lips were on hers in an instant, pressing her down against the bed as her hands tangled in her hair and she almost crushed the other woman with her body weight, gripping her tightly. 

‘Don’t you ever -  _ ever  _ \- do that to me again,’ she said, accentuating each word with a firm kiss. 

‘I mean I’ll try not to, but it’s not like I planned on doing it this time,’ the Doctor complained. ‘Just one of those irritating things that winds up happening to me.’ 

‘You really outdid yourself this time.’ 

‘I know. Are my mates okay? Really, I mean? I’ve been trying to keep an eye on them but looking through someone else’s eyes is hard.’

‘They’re doing well, they’ll be even gladder now you’re back,’ River smiled.

‘Thank you,’ the Doctor said, a wide smile across her face as she gripped River’s hands. ‘Thank you for saving them.’

‘That was all you, sweetie.’

‘Was it? Cause I don’t think I was of much help for most of that. You’re the one that did all the leg work.’ 

‘You need to teach me how you programmed that teleport. It’ll be good to know for future reference.’

‘Amazing what you can do when you’re under pressure.’ 

‘Tell me about it,’ River smirked, pushing her back against the back, her lips landing firmly against her neck as her hands clutched at the Doctor's hips.

‘Wait, no,’ the Doctor gasped, shoving her off. ‘I need to go help the Corsair. She’s got no chance otherwise.’ 

‘I think she’s more formidable than you think,’ River replied, eyebrow raised as the Doctor rummaged in a wardrobe for spare ceremonial wear; pulling a face at the robe and accompanying collar. 

‘Oh I know she is,’ the Doctor replied, frowning at her hair as she clipped the collar around her neck. ‘But against that lot? She’s gonna need me. How do I look?’

‘Regal,’ River responded.

‘And a tiny bit intimidating?’

‘Meh.’

‘It’s cause I’m so short,’ the Doctor said crossly, kicking the wardrobe door closed. She turned to look at Graham and Ryan who were still snoring away. ‘I hope this hasn’t changed anything,’ she murmured quietly.

‘Of course it hasn’t,’ River replied, getting out of the bed so she could kiss the Doctor goodbye. ‘Now go get ‘em, girl.’

The Doctor grinned. 

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a rather predictable way. With the Doctor's arrival and subsequent vote it was immediately a draw and another lengthy debate was then held to decide the final outcome. With the Doctor in front of them, her green eyes daring anyone to oppose her, the ‘for’ side won in a landslide victory and the Doctor was already running up the steps towards Yaz to throw her arms around her before the other Time Lords had even finished leaving the chamber, the suns now setting and the stars beginning to shine in the sky through the magnificent glass dome above them.  

‘Of course if it wasn’t for Yaz you turning up wouldn’t have made a difference,’ the Corsair pondered. ‘They mistakenly counted her vote.’

‘No, they didn't,’ the General replied, appearing behind them. ‘I was in charge of the counting and I spotted her a mile off.’

‘So you  _ didn't  _ count my vote?’ Yaz said with a frown, and the General smirked. 

‘Don’t be daft, of course I counted it. I’m glad you’re back on your feet, Doctor. The Corsair made it sound like you were at death’s door.’

‘She’s very dramatic,’ the Doctor said, looking fondly at the Corsair with her arm slung across Yaz’s shoulders. 

‘And it  _ is  _ you, right?’ Yaz asked. ‘I mean, you’re back?’

The Doctor reached into her pocket and withdrew the fob watch, handing it to Yaz who pressed down on the catch to open it. 

Nothing happened. It was just a watch.

‘I’m all yours,’ the Doctor said softly, and Yaz clung to her. 

‘Oh my god,’ Yaz realised a few moments later, the tips of her ears pink with embarrassment. ‘I  _ kissed  _ you.’

The Corsair, who was still in earshot, looked annoyed.

‘What about me? Don’t I get a snog as well?’

‘For dragging me and my mates to this dump? You must be joking,’ the Doctor replied. 

The Corsair stuck her tongue out at her. 

‘You’re okay with it, right?’ Yaz said, still unsure. ‘That I kissed you?’

‘Of course I am,’ the Doctor smiled, tucking her arm around Yaz’s shoulder. ‘You’re a great kisser. I count it as a high honour! Never had a kiss from Yaz before. Oh shut up I’ve kissed you before,’ she added at the Corsair’s sour expression. 

* * *

The suns were setting once again by the time the three of them made it back to the rooms they’d been begrudgingly put up in. Yaz was unsure how quickly the Time Lords were planning on getting to work to dismantle Servus but it was busy in the courtyards below and there seemed to be more guards around than the day before. 

Yaz was feeling tired by the day’s events but the Doctor and the Corsair were speaking to each other quite animatedly, though Yaz wasn’t paying attention to their conversation. They seemed to be reminiscing about a night spent in the Caribbean but Yaz had zoned out when they’d started talking about Blackbeard’s marvellous singing voice. The Doctor’s hand was warm in her own yet part of her heart still ached for the wonderful woman that had - however briefly - taken her place. Yaz hoped she was okay, wherever she was. 

Outside the door the Doctor stopped suddenly, face flushed as she pressed her foot against the ground and twisted her shoe nervously. 

‘What is it?’ Yaz asked, noticing her friend’s pale skin and the dark circles under her eyes. ‘You feeling okay?’

‘Yeah,’ the Doctor said quickly. ‘It’s just, you know. Graham and Ryan.’

‘Are you nervous about how they’ll react?’ Yaz asked, confused. ‘You don’t need to be. They’re your friends! They’ll be glad you’re safe.’

‘I know,’ the Doctor replied. ‘I just - I feel  _ awful.  _ You guys should never have been there, the stuff you had to deal with.’

‘Oh for -’

Yaz rolled her eyes and pushed the doors wide open, stepping inside and yelling ‘the Doctor’s back!’ to the room’s occupants. 

Graham was on his feet in an instant, eyes wide, but a few seconds later Ryan tackled the Doctor in a hug that sent her crashing back into the bookcase with an  _ oof  _ as he hugged her as tightly as he could.

River was chuckling in the corner, a book in her lap, and the Doctor hugged Ryan fiercely, eyes red rimmed.

‘I’ve missed you  _ so much,  _ mate,’ Ryan said, sounding a little emotional though Yaz was sure he’d deny it later.

‘Oh, Doc, love. I’m so glad you’re alright,’ Graham said, joining in the hug and looking a little teary himself.

The Doctor didn't seem able to say anything, looking up at the Corsair and River for support who both grinned at her encouragingly, the Corsair sticking her thumbs up. She was stuck between Graham and Ryan who both clearly had no intention of letting go of her any time soon and she had no intention of letting them. 

‘Thanks boys,’ she whispered, enjoying the hug. 

‘Come on, Yaz,’ Ryan said, tugging her in. ‘Get in here.’ 

‘Come on, move her to the sofa before she falls over,’ the Corsair laughed. ‘She’s practically asleep on her feet. It’s alright though!’ - she added quickly as the three humans pulled away from the Doctor who immediately slumped alarmingly into Ryan’s arms - ‘She’s okay, she’s just exhausted. It’s been a busy day. Bring her over here.’

‘Thanks,’ the Doctor mumbled sleepily as Ryan and Yaz practically carried her over to the sofa and stretched her out across it, Yaz sitting beside her head so she could run her fingers through her hair in the soothing way she’d discovered the Doctor loved. Ryan sat at her feet and carefully eased off her shoes as Graham drew a blanket up over her.

‘You four are so domestic,’ the Corsair said. ‘It’s gross.’ 

‘Do you need anything, Doc?’ Graham asked. ‘Nice cup of tea?’

‘No, I’m okay, just need a snooze,’ the Doctor mumbled, her head pressed against Yaz’s leg. ‘My head feels a bit sizzly.’

‘Normal,’ the Corsair reassured him as Graham looked up at her in shock. She crossed the room and knelt in front of the Doctor, a hand on her forehead as she tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. ‘Your head feels much better,’ she said soothingly. ‘Not as melty.’

‘Good to know,’ the Doctor replied, blinking tiredly at her. 

‘Keep an eye on her you lot,’ the Corsair said, stripping off her Time Lord regalia and picking up her coat from the back of her chair. ‘I’m gonna go get into a bar fight, or maybe get married again, we’ll see where the night takes us. Wait, didn't we get married? That wasn’t real, was it?’

‘The Elvis impersonator certainly seemed to think it was,’ the Doctor replied, voice drunk with sleep.

‘How many people  _ are _ you married to, Doc?’ Graham asked in confusion.

‘You should ask River and the Corsair the same question,’ the Doctor mumbled, pulling her blanket up to her chin. 

‘Goodnight, sweetheart,’ the Corsair said, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. ‘Get some rest. Let this lot take care of you.’

There was no response and Yaz realised the Doctor had fallen asleep, face pressed against Yaz’s thigh and hand in Ryan’s clutching tightly. 

‘I’ll come with you, if that’s alright,’ River said, standing up and joining the Corsair. ‘I could do with a drink.’

‘We’ll see you lot in the morning,’ the Corsair said, waving goodbye. ‘Try not to party too hard.’

‘Fat chance of that happening,’ Graham said, grabbing a cushion and sitting beside Ryan. ‘I feel shattered.’ 

Yaz wriggled down next to the Doctor and manoeuvred her awkwardly into her arms so she could pinch her blanket as well.  

‘She likes hugs,’ Yaz mumbled when Ryan chortled. ‘Don’t judge.’

‘I’ll let you do the hugging, Yaz,’ Ryan replied. ‘I doubt she’d want to snuggle me.’

‘Never say never,’ the Doctor mumbled into Yaz’s shoulder, clearly not as asleep as they’d thought. ‘I love a good hug.’

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay look Ten snogged anything on two legs and Eleven hugged everything. Thirteen just needs some love from her ladies <3
> 
> It's almost 1am and I'm knackered and I've done enough proof reading any mistakes you spot you can keep nighty night <3
> 
> Check out my Tumblr catchonfirespontaneously for a pic of my hamster 'helping' me finish this. And please say hello!


	14. and the more that you want it the more that you need it I know that you'll be by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story got so long Google Docs basically gave up loading it!!  
> I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK ME A WHOLE YEAR (almost) TO WRITE THIS.  
> This story being finished is honestly such a weight off to say it ran away from me would be an UNDERSTATEMENT and now I can turn my attention to new fics and stories for the new season ^_^  
> Enjoy and I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas (or relevant holiday) and have a happy and triumphant Thirteen-filled New Year <3

It was raining in Sheffield. In fact, it had been raining on and off for about four weeks now and Yaz was starting to get sick of it. Large pools of water were emmassing on the corners of junctions, the cars hurtling through them sending waves of water over any unfortunate pedestrians on the pavement. Yaz watched from the window of her police car as two unfortunate school children on their way home yelled and made rude gestures with their hands as a car going just  _ under  _ the maximum speed limit drenched them in the filthy, dirty water. 

Yaz slouched down in her seat, watching the rain running down the window without paying particular attention to it. Their trip to Gallifrey seemed like a long time ago now and she missed the heat of those twin suns and the warmth of the desert as they’d trekked through it. The Corsair had insisted on taking the Doctor off for some RnR so she could keep an eye on her after she’d gotten her memory back, citing that as the TARDIS hadn’t transferred her mind in the conventional way there may be residual memory loss or damage. She’d seemed relatively okay the next morning, though she’d been quiet as they’d walked back through the streets towards the TARDIS. Yaz remembered the hug she’d given her as they’d said goodbye, the warmth of their bodies pressed together and the way Yaz had felt her heart speed up at the contact. She remembered the softness of her lips, the way she’d held her, the sounds she’d made as Yaz had kissed her. Her heart tugged inside her chest and Yaz pulled herself out of those memories, wiping a tear away from her face and fiddling with the radio, searching for static to lose herself in. The Corsair hadn’t been specific as to how long the RnR would take, and whilst the Doctor had tried to reassure her friends that it would be no time at all for them it had already been eight weeks and that was  _ too long.  _

A knock on her window drew Yaz’s attention and she rolled it down to find Ryan waving cheerfully at her, scarf wrapped tightly around his neck and beanie hat perched lopsidedly on his head. 

‘I’d have got them for that,’ he told her, matter of fact. ‘Isn’t splashing pedestrians illegal?’

‘Only if you can prove it was because their driving was reckless,’ Yaz said. 

Ryan opened the door of the car and slid in next to her, ignoring Yaz’s protestations about procedure and  _ oi get out the car! _

‘I thought you’d be glad to see me!’ Ryan said, pretending to look cross. ‘I come bearing good news.’ 

‘Really?’ Yaz asked, thoroughly confused. 

In front of them, a car sped through the lights and the camera at the front of Yaz’s patrol vehicle flashed, the driver’s number plate and keeper details flashing up on the small screen; but Yaz hardly noticed, heart pounding as Ryan delivered his news with a wide grin.

‘She’s back.’

* * *

The Doctor examined the chair with interest, crouching beside it and giving the wood an experimentative sniff. 

‘I preferred your old one,’ she told Graham.

‘Yeah, so did I, but  _ someone,’  _ Graham said, with a pointed look at her as he put a large, steaming cup of tea on the table in front of her, ‘decided to land their large blue box on it. What’s wrong with parking outside?’

‘If you can land a spaceship  _ anywhere you want  _ in the  _ whole  _ of time and space, why not get it as close to your destination as possible?’ the Doctor shot back, eyebrow raised. ‘Besides, at least I did a scan this time to work out whereabouts you’d decided to fling your chairs.’

‘I don’t  _ fling  _ them I arrange them neatly!’ Graham protested, but then the front door opened and Yaz came running in with Ryan, water dripping off their clothes.

‘Shoes off!’ Graham told them before they could tred muddy footprints into his carpet.

‘Hello you,’ the Doctor said with a grin, arms around Yaz’s waist once the shoes were off and she could come in for a hug. 

‘Hello,’ Yaz replied, face muffled by the Doctor's coat. ‘I’ve missed you. How are you feeling?’

‘MUCH better,’ the Doctor said, detangling herself from Yaz and rummaging in her pocket. ‘I got all you presents, Ryan and Graham have had theirs already, where did I put - ah ha! Here it is.’

She withdrew a small black jewelry box from her pocket and pressed it into Yaz’s hand, smiling widely. 

‘I think you’ll really like it,’ she said. 

Yaz opened the box and found two small stud earrings. There was a jewel in each of them catching the light and sparkling a magnificent purple colour.

‘Wow,’ Yaz said, tracing the jewel with the tip of her finger. ‘They’re  _ beautiful.  _ Thank you so much.’ 

‘Medizian crystal,’ the Doctor explained. ‘Bit of a meteorite that falls from space and lands inside a volcano. It then gets cooked in the hot lava of Mediz Three until the volcano erupts and it’s thrown out back into the atmosphere and lands in the valley at the base of the mountain. It’s then collected and made into jewelry! Pretty, right?’

‘That sounds mental,’ Ryan said, eyebrows raised. ‘All that just to make some pretty earrings.’

‘Some  _ very  _ pretty earrings,’ Yaz said, removing the studs from the velvet case and fitting them into her ears. ‘What do you think?’ 

‘Gorgeous,’ Graham said as the Doctor grinned, her eyes sparkling. ‘You staying for tea, Doc?’

‘Actually,’ the Doctor said, hands twisting in front of her nervously. ‘I was wondering if you’d let me treat you?’

‘Wait, you mean space dinner? Can we go in the TARDIS?’ Ryan said, eyes wide in excitement. 

‘Yeah, if you like,’ the Doctor said, anxiously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I mean - if you want, that is. There’s a diner on Zanzi Nine I’ve been meaning to check out, the pizzas are supposed to be amazing.’

‘Why wouldn’t we want to go?’ Yaz said. ‘I’ve missed this so much, missed  _ you  _ so much. I’m so glad you’re alright.’ 

‘Yeah, you really did a number on us there, Doc,’ Graham chuckled. ‘How’s River? And the Corsair?’

‘They’re fine,’ the Doctor said, a little too quickly for Graham’s liking. ‘River’s back teaching at the university and the Corsair is - somewhere in the universe. Probably in a bar.’

‘Didn't she want to stay with you?’ Ryan asked with a frown. ‘River, I mean?’ 

‘Ah, no, bit complicated,’ the Doctor replied. ‘Best not. You ready? I’m starving.’ 

Yaz, Ryan, and Graham absolutely noticed the abrupt subject change, but decided to let it slide. 

* * *

The pizzas on Zanzi Nine were amazing, but they had to fight off an army of vampire bats before they actually got to eat them and it was about six hours later when the four travellers found themselves sat with legs dangling into the water at the end of the pier, takeaway pizza boxes in their laps as they ate in exhausted silence. 

‘Well, that was a nice change from stacking boxes,’ Ryan said cheerily, shoving pizza in his mouth.

The Doctor looked gloomy, bare toes swirling shapes in the water, and Yaz pressed herself against her side. 

‘Yeah. I’d rather do that than sit through another day catching speeding cars at junctions,’ Yaz said with a smile. 

‘At least doing that you’re not at risk of turning into a vampire,’ the Doctor mumbled, looking at the bandaged bite mark on Yaz’s arm. 

‘I wasn’t at risk of it here, either,’ Yaz said, nudging her with her elbow. ‘The TARDIS had anti-venom, it’s all good.’

‘Oh I know what you’re doing, Doc,’ Graham said gently. ‘You think you’re not protecting us enough after what happened, aren’t you?’

The Doctor didn't respond. 

‘You know that’s rubbish, right?’ Ryan pointed out. ‘You warned us it wasn’t going to be safe. I’d say you probably did your best to warn us off but we still said yes.’ 

‘Did your lot get rid of Servus?’ Graham asked, and the Doctor nodded.

‘Yeah. The Corsair said they dismantled it all pretty smoothly. They tried to rehabilitate as many slaves as they could and most of the ships and cities were destroyed.’

‘Well there you go then,’ Graham said, with as much positivity as he could muster. ‘Problem solved. More or less.’ 

The Doctor stayed quiet and Yaz knew she was thinking about all the people that weren’t saved, and the four of them who could have had a far worse outcome. 

She noticed that Ryan and Graham were both looking at her pointedly, eyebrows wriggling in a suggestive manner and Yaz rolled her eyes at them. Why she’d been assigned the role of Team TARDIS counsellor she wasn’t sure, but the Doctor looked so miserable and downtrodden that she could hardly do nothing.

‘I want another ice cream,’ Yaz announced, though that was the last thing she wanted, her stomach still ached from the pizza. ‘Come on, you’re coming with me.’

She tugged on the Doctor's hood, pulling her upwards. She’d expected a fight but the Doctor went along meekly, accepting the hand Yaz held out for her as they headed along the pier barefoot. It was a beautiful evening, purple rays shooting out light across the water as the sun set and the breeze was warm; a welcome change from the constant Sheffield rain. 

‘You know the vampire bats unplugged the freezers, right?’ the Doctor said. ‘They’re probably not gonna have any ice cream.’

‘So evil of them,’ Yaz mused. ‘But yes, I remembered. That’s not where we’re going though.’

‘No? And where are we going, then?’ the Doctor asked, head tilted in interest. 

‘Right over here,’ Yaz said, tugging the Doctor onto the beach and sitting down on the sand, the tiny grains immediately invading every part of her outfit.

The Doctor took off her coat and laid it out on the sand for the two of them to sit on, though pretty quickly they were both lying back and looking up at the stars. 

‘I never in my life thought I’d get to see a sky like this,’ Yaz said. 

‘Light pollution isn’t a problem everywhere on Earth,’ the Doctor said. ‘You should see the view of the Milky Way from the Sahara Desert. It’s beautiful.’

‘You should take me,’ Yaz told her, shuffling close against her side and slipping their hands together.

‘Maybe I will,’ the Doctor smiled. 

They were silent for a moment, both looking up at the stars as the night got darker. The Doctor was about to suggest heading back to the boys when she realised that this whole intervention was probably engineered and the two men were most likely already back in the TARDIS having a cuppa. She didn't mind though, Yaz was warm beside her and she pressed against her a little more; resting her head against Yaz’s and closing her eyes. 

* * *

_ ‘I feel like I should ask where in history this is for me and you,’ the Doctor said, standing at River’s side at the parapet as they looked out across Gallifrey’s Old Town. ‘But I also feel like I don’t want to know.’ _

_ ‘I would say spoilers,’ River said with a smile. ‘But of course you already knew I was going to say that, didn't you?’ _

_ The Doctor slipped her hand into her wife’s.  _

_ ‘Say it again though, one more time.’ _

_ River turned to face her, reaching up a hand to cup her cheek.  _

_ ‘Spoilers,’ she said with a smile, and the Doctor leaned forward to kiss her.  _

* * *

‘Hey, wake up sleepy head.’ 

The Doctor opened her eyes, blinking blearily up at Yaz’s face above her. The sun had set fully now and there was a light breeze ruffling Yaz’s hair. She felt sand under her fingers and scronched her face in confusion. She hadn’t intended on falling asleep and wasn’t sure how long she’d even been asleep  _ for.  _

‘You okay? You feel a little warm,’ Yaz murmured, hand pressed against the Doctor's forehead.

‘I’m fine, I feel great,’ the Doctor said, smiling softly up at her. There were certainly worse things to wake up to. The accidental nap had reset her somewhat, though the memory of the morning after the council chamber vote with River hurt a little, and she accepted Yaz’s hand up as she was pulled to her feet; shaking sand out of her hair and accidentally covering Yaz in it.

‘How long was I -?’

‘About an hour,’ Yaz said, slipping her arm through the Doctor's as they made their way back across the beach. ‘I thought I should let you rest, you looked like you needed it.’

‘I’ve done enough resting,’ the Doctor said gloomily. ‘Getting bored of it now.’

‘Welcome to our world,’ Yaz laughed. 

When they stepped inside the TARDIS the Doctor noticed Graham and Ryan must already be inside, their jackets were both hanging up on hooks by the doorway, and Yaz hung up hers before taking the Doctor's hand again and tugging her in the direction of the bedrooms.

‘I don’t need another nap, Yaz,’ the Doctor protested, thinking of all the repairs the TARDIS was still in need of and all the little jobs she normally got done while the humans were sleeping.

‘Neither do I,’ Yaz said. ‘I finished nights recently, my brain is still wired for night mode. I just want to spend some time with you, if that’s okay?’

The Doctor's face softened. 

‘Yeah, of course. I’d love that.’ 

It was warm in the little room they used as the lounge and Yaz pulled the Doctor onto the sofa, grabbing a blanket from the back of it and flicking on the TV to some alien reality show Ryan was obsessed with. 

‘He’ll have some catching up to do,’ Yaz realised, noting how many episodes had aired since the Doctor had been away.

‘Always good to save something mindless for a rainy day,’ the Doctor said, curling against Yaz under the blanket. Sand fell from the ends of her hair onto the material but she hardly noticed. She could feel sleep tugging at her again, despite what she’d said to Yaz, and she watched the screen through heavily hooded eyes as Yaz stretched and pulled her close. 

* * *

_ A scream tore itself from her throat, her head burning and bile rising up in her throat as she remembered the sensation of being strapped in that chair; unable to do anything but cry out as the electrodes had burnt away her memories.  _

_ ‘Hush, love,’ River said soothingly, there immediately and stroking sweaty hair away from her forehead. ‘It’s just a dream. They can’t hurt you any more.’ _

_ ‘You sure about that?’ the Doctor said bitterly, taking the glass of water the Corsair was holding out for her. ‘Cause it still hurts.’ _

_ ‘It’ll fade,’ the Corsair said reassuringly. ‘Just give it time.’ _

_ She sat up, pushing the blanket away from her legs. It was warm in the Corsair’s living room, a fire flickering away cheerily and crackling at regular intervals. A half finished game of chess was on the table, clearly abandoned when they’d heard her shout, and the Doctor stood up and crossed the room to look out the little portholes, the waves calm outside and the galaxy above flooding the sky with colour. _

_ ‘Where are we?’ the Doctor asked, frowning at the unfamiliar constellations. _

_ ‘We’re in the Lullian Cluster, on the ocean of Compassion,’ the Corsair replied. ‘My favourite little get away.’  _

_ The Doctor was just about to call out to Yaz to come and see before she remembered. Yaz wasn’t here. Neither were Graham or Ryan. They were both at home on Earth.  _

_ ‘You’ll have to take your friends here,’ the Corsair said, as though she knew what she was thinking.  _

_ ‘I feel bad for leaving them behind,’ the Doctor mumbled, forehead pressed against the glass. _

_ ‘They understood,’ the Corsair said softly. ‘Plus it’s not like it’ll be forever.’  _

* * *

The Doctor woke up in the dark with Yaz pressed against her and their hands entwined beneath the blanket. It was warm and she curled against Yaz whose hand was in her hair, twirling the strands between her fingers. 

‘I’m sorry I left you,’ the Doctor mumbled into Yaz’s shoulder. ‘I should have stayed.’

‘I think we needed some time at home, don’t be sorry,’ Yaz said gently. ‘I’m glad you had the Corsair and River with you.’

‘They’re a lethal combination,’ the Doctor chuckled. ‘The number of bars we got thrown out of.’

Yaz wriggled down next to her so she could press their foreheads together. 

‘Were you lonely?’ she whispered. ‘When you were stuck in your own head.’

‘A little,’ the Doctor admitted. ‘I spoke to the other me though, when she started being able to hear me.’

Yaz swallowed hardly and the Doctor felt it.

‘You miss her, don’t you?’ the Doctor said softly. 

‘Is that bad?’ Yaz whispered. ‘I missed you more, but she was so...’

She tailed off and pressed her face into the Doctor's shoulder. The Doctor carefully tucked an arm across her back, pulling her close and leaning her head against Yaz’s.

‘I know,’ she said gently. ‘It’s like the Corsair said; there’s always been a bit of an ethical issue with turning yourself human, or storing away your memories and creating a blank canvas.’

‘Did she suffer? At the end?’ Yaz said, her voice thick, and the Doctor shook her head. 

‘No, she didn't. She just - stopped existing.’

‘I feel guilty for wishing she could have stayed as well,’ Yaz said, tears soaking into the Doctor's t-shirt, and the Doctor kissed the top of her forehead soothingly. 

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘I know.’ 

* * *

_ ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ the Doctor mumbled into her pillow, cracking one eye open as River got out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown. _

_ ‘Some of us have work,’ River smirked at her, taking in the sight of a very naked Doctor curled around her pillows and barely covered by the sheets; hair ruffled and cheeks sleep-pink.  _

_ ‘Call in sick,’ the Doctor yawned. ‘Stay with me.’ _

_ ‘I don’t want to lose my job,’ River said, leaning over her to cover her face in kisses until the Doctor was laughing under the onslaught. ‘Just try not to move for me and I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ _

* * *

They ended up staying aboard the TARDIS, a mutual agreement passing between them that even though the Doctor seemed better there was clearly still something else going on. For the most part, their adventures continued like they had before. Equal parts fun to equal parts terrifying, but the humans didn't miss how much more protective of them the Doctor was. There was no more splitting up and searching for clues, now she kept them all close by her side and refused to let them out of her sight; like a protective Mother Hen. 

Eventually though, when she remembered how capable her fam were, she stopped doing it and the old team dynamics were back. It worked well, for a bit anyway, but then Yaz got stuck in a cave filling with water and the Doctor barely reached her in time; slicing her arm open on the rocks when she dragged Yaz out before they all ran for the TARDIS away from the torrent of water rushing towards them. That was probably the closest call they’d had for a while and Graham didn't miss how shaken the Doctor was by the whole thing. He could see her hands shaking once they were back safely inside the TARDIS but cheering her up only seemed to make things worse.

‘I know you do your best, Doc, but you can’t accept full responsibility for us  _ all  _ the time,’ Graham said, trying anyway. ‘I mean, we are people ourselves who occasionally do stupid stuff.’

‘People on a different planet, in a different solar system  _ waaay  _ out of their depth and under  _ my  _ protection,’ the Doctor shot back.

‘Yeah, alright, but still it’s not like you haven’t kept us safe before,’ Graham said. 

‘Yeah! Like the whole sitch with the Pting,’ Ryan said. ‘When you were hurting and you still managed to save the entire ship.’

‘Or the Morax,’ Yaz said. ‘We all got knocked out then you immediately sprang into action and knew what to do.’

‘Yeah!’ Graham said cheerily. ‘If anyone’s gonna keep the three of us safe it’ll be you, Doc.’   
‘But I can’t!’ the Doctor yelled suddenly, swirling round on her feet and taking them all by surprise.

There was stunned silence for a moment before the Doctor bowed her head in shame, fiddling with a switch on the console.

‘Don’t you see?’ she said quietly. ‘I can’t keep you safe, I can’t keep  _ any  _ of you safe. I can’t even keep myself safe! Not you guys, not River, not even the Corsair. I just _ can’t.’ _

‘Doctor -’ Yaz said, stepping forward carefully, but she turned and walked out of the console room, coattails sweeping behind her, leaving her three friends behind. 

* * *

It was quiet in space and the Doctor sipped her tea, River’s diary on her lap as the light on the top of the TARDIS roof bathed her skin in blue light. 

The diary wasn’t open. She couldn’t bear to open it, but just knowing part of her wife was still with her gave her solace.

‘Doc? You out here?’ Graham called from below.

The Doctor considered keeping quiet and not giving herself away. She could feel anxiety boiling in her blood and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to scream or cry. She didn't want to go off on her friends again, but equally she couldn’t ignore them forever. Maybe it would be best to rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later. 

‘I’m not cross,’ Graham said in his soothing grandad voice. ‘I just want to make sure you’re okay.’

Ah to hell with it. She’d have to face them eventually.

‘I’m fine,’ she said in a quiet voice that totally betrayed her actual emotions which was - most definitely -  _ not  _ fine.

‘Oh, hiya. Wondered where you’d gotten to,’ Graham chuckled as he looked up and saw her face peering down at him. ‘Can I come up?’

She reached down a hand to him and pulled him up easily, the gravity in the TARDIS surrendering him to the vacuum of space as soon as his feet left the ground. Well, not quite the vacuum of space. There were shields after all. 

‘Is this where you are then?’ Graham asked, noting the blanket across her knees, the diary in her lap and the cup of tea in her hand. ‘All those nights we can’t find you, you’re hiding up here?’

‘Not hiding,’ the Doctor said, affronted. ‘S’just nice up here. Quiet.’

‘Yeah,’ Graham said, looking up at the stars. ‘It is.’ 

He was silent for a moment, watching the constellations twinkle above them, before his eyes dropped down to the messy bandage on her arm. 

‘I brought this with me,’ he said, holding up a mini first aid kit and looking at her arm with a raised eyebrow. ‘I knew you wouldn’t have dressed that properly.’

‘I  _ am  _ a doctor,’ the Doctor protested, and Graham snorted.

‘Yeah, with a medical degree from the dark ages no doubt. Lemme have a look.’

Wordlessly she held her arm out to him, deciding perhaps it was better to just let him get on with it than to try and argue. It stung a little as he removed the dressing but she kept her mouth shut and looked down at the diary in her lap as Graham carefully cleaned it properly and applied a tidier dressing.

‘What’s the book about?’ he asked while he worked, and the Doctor felt loss like a lump in her chest. 

‘Memories,’ she said quietly, and he didn't push.

‘There, all done,’ he announced a few minutes later. ‘Knowing you it’ll probably be healed by tomorrow but you don’t marry a nurse without learning a few things, eh?’

‘Thanks,’ she mumbled quietly as Graham tidied away the kit. 

‘You don’t need to thank me, Doc,’ he told her. ‘I’m always gonna be looking out for you, just like you look out for me. Sometimes that’s the best you can do, innit? Life gets in the way and stuff happens but you just gotta look out for the people you care about and hope everything else works out.’

‘Is that your way of saying I’m forgiven?’ the Doctor asked, looking down at the neat dressing on your arm. 

‘You ain’t got nothing to be forgiven for you daft old woman,’ Graham told her with a chuckle. ‘If I was worried about safety I wouldn’t be here, none of us would. But you need to accept that there’s some things you’re not going to be able to protect us from, and that’s alright. We know the risks, we’ve experienced the dangers, but we’re still here, alright?’

The Doctor looked up at him, expression soft, and Graham put a hand on her arm.

‘And no more hiding yourself away up here, alright?’ he told her gently. ‘If you’re upset, or stressed, or are unsure how to deal with things, you’ve got the three of us down there more than willing to help you through it. If sometimes you need to disappear that’s totally fine, just don’t do it because you think you have to, alright?’

The Doctor smiled warmly, embarrassed to find tears welling up in her eyes, and Graham squeezed her arm. 

‘That being said, you are gonna need to go speak to Yaz. I don’t know what happened with her on that godawful planet but her head hasn’t been right for days. She needs her friend, and lord knows she isn’t speaking to me or Ryan,’ Graham said, and the Doctor's face creased in worry. 

Yaz hadn’t said anything to her after they’d fallen asleep together on the sofa following the vampire bats incident, but that had been weeks back. She hadn’t even noticed that anything was wrong, too wrapped up in her own head and concerned with keeping them safe, and she felt ashamed she’d missed the signs. 

‘Where is she?’ the Doctor asked, putting down River’s diary. 

* * *

‘Yaz?’

There was a muffled voice from inside and the Doctor peered around the edge of Yaz’s bedroom door. 

Yaz was in bed, duvet drawn up to her chest with a book open against her knees, but she smiled when she saw the Doctor and moved over, patting the space next to her. 

‘Hey. You okay? I think Graham went looking for you,’ Yaz said as the Doctor toed off her shoes and climbed in next to her. 

‘Yeah, he found me,’ the Doctor replied, holding out her neatly bandaged arm in front of her. ‘He said you weren’t feeling well, is everything okay?’

‘ _ I’m  _ not feeling well?’ Yaz shot back, eyebrows disappearing into her hairline. ‘You’re the one who snapped then ran off on us!’ She trailed off and shook her head, looking down at her book. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered. ‘I didn't mean that.’

‘You did,’ the Doctor said, ‘and that’s fine. I deserve it, to be honest. I’ve not been open with you guys and - yeah, I’ve not been the best friend to you.’

‘You’re here now,’ Yaz said, smiling softly at her. ‘That’s what matters, right?’

‘Yeah, I guess,’ the Doctor replied, trying a smile though it barely reached her eyes. ‘Is everything okay though? I’ve been so wrapped up in myself I didn't even notice you were acting off. Graham and Ryan said you won’t talk to them?’

‘It’s stupid,’ Yaz muttered. ‘I’d be embarrassed to talk about it with you.’

‘So there  _ is  _ something bothering you?’ the Doctor said with a frown. ‘What is it? Can I help?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Yaz said. ‘I thought about talking to you about it but - I don’t know. I don’t want you to feel… I mean I  _ missed  _ you so much and I was so  _ worried  _ about you but it was like you weren’t really gone, you know? Or you were, but -’

‘You preferred the mind wiped me?’ the Doctor said, confused, and Yaz shook her head frantically.

‘No! No I didn't prefer her, of course not. It’s just - she was - and you’re - and we -’ Yaz dropped her head down, expression miserable. ‘I can’t explain this in a way that won’t upset you,’ she whispered. ‘It’s why I didn't want to talk about it.’

‘Yaz,’ the Doctor said, as gently as she could. ‘I was in her head. I remember.’ 

‘Remember?’ Yaz looked confused.

‘I remember kissing you,’ the Doctor said softly. ‘I remember how it felt for me, and also how it felt for her. And - and I remember you saying you were in love with me, with  _ us.’ _

Yaz could say nothing, mouth opening and closing like a fish though no words came out. There was a ball of anxiety twisting in her stomach and she swallowed hard, suddenly wishing she was alone. She’d suspected that the Doctor had heard their mumbled conversation, the other her had admitted as much, but to actually hear her say it, to admit it in front of her after  _ weeks.  _ She wasn’t sure what to say, how to process. She’d known the Doctor was okay with their kiss, or at least she’d mentioned it briefly on Gallifrey, but her proclamation of love must have taken her by surprise. 

‘I’m sorry, Yaz,’ the Doctor whispered, unable to meet her eyes. ‘I know that she could have given you what you needed but I just - I can’t. I can’t be with anyone it’s not safe. Look at me and River! We’re married but still always apart from each other. And I’m  _ really  _ sorry cause I know you had feelings for her that she probably wasn’t sure how to reciprocate.’

‘Doctor,’ Yaz said, almost in tears. ‘I have feelings for  _ you,  _ you idiot. I kissed the Lurin because I thought it was  _ you.  _ And yes, I had feelings for her too but I think - and I’ve had a lot of time to think - that was because I was in love with  _ you.’ _

‘Yaz…’

‘Don’t say anything,’ Yaz begged her, sitting in front of her and gripping her arms tightly. ‘Please don’t.’

‘I’m sorry, Yaz,’ the Doctor whispered. ‘I am.’

‘Shut up,’ Yaz said. ‘Just… shut up.’

She gripped the Doctor's face and pushed her against the headboard as she pressed their lips together fiercely. She’d expected the Doctor might try and pull away, she certainly knew she was strong enough, but instead the Doctor clung to her and returned the kiss with desperation; her tongue forcing its way between Yaz’s lips as she grabbed her waist and pulled their bodies together. It was nothing like their earlier kiss back on Gallifrey, that had been softer and reassuring whereas this was all heat and fire and lust. The Doctor hardly noticed as her braces were pulled down and her shirts tugged awkwardly over her head but she pushed Yaz back onto the pillows, her leg strandling Yaz’s hip as she kissed her firmly. 

‘We probably shouldn’t,’ the Doctor said, pausing next to her, and Yaz shoved her against the bed and clambered on top of her, attaching her mouth to her neck and sliding a hand down between their bodies.

‘No, we shouldn’t,’ she agreed as the Doctor came undone beneath her. 

* * *

River wasn’t a massive fan of the university balls. They were glitzy enough, and she did like breaking out her most glamorous dresses for them, but there was only so many times she could pretend to be nice to someone or ask another professor how their research was going. The alcohol wasn’t quite to her taste either, though she drank it all the same. 

‘River?’

River knew who had spoken before she turned around, but her heart leapt up into her chest just the same. 

The Doctor was wearing a fitted dark red suit, hair curled and eyes smokey. She looked stunning, and River found herself temporarily lost for words. It had been months for her, after she’d said goodbye to her wife, yet the Doctor looked the same as she always did. 

‘Well hell _ o  _ sweetie,’ River purred, pulling the Doctor into her arms so she could kiss her. ‘Don’t you scrub up well.’

‘Is it okay?’ the Doctor asked nervously. ‘I wasn’t sure.’

‘You look beautiful,’ River smiled. ‘You should dress like this more often.’

‘I think these shoes are a little impractical for running,’ the Doctor replied, though her eyes were shining. 

‘But on the plus side, we’re almost the same height now,’ River pointed out, and the Doctor pulled a face at her. 

‘Did I ever tell you about the time I jumped a crane? Almost didn't make it cause I was lacking a couple of inches.’

‘You’re lacking a couple of inches somewhere else too but you didn't hear me complaining,’ River said, batting her eyes innocently at her whilst the Doctor’s face went scarlet. 

She tucked an arm around her waist, leading her over to the bar to get them both drinks. The party was in full swing around them, music blaring and couples dancing, and the Doctor tapped her foot along to the music as she stood beside River sipping her drink. She wasn’t sure what was in it, only that it was extremely strong and her head was already beginning to swirl a little. 

‘So, how are your friends?’ River asked, removing the olive in her drink from its cocktail stick and popping it into her mouth. 

‘They’re okay,’ the Doctor replied, trying to stop the blood rushing to her face at the memory of Yaz’s messy hair and flushed skin as she’d gotten out of bed that morning. She wasn’t sure what it was they were doing, wasn’t even sure it was healthy, but it was good and they both needed it and perhaps that would do for now.

‘Hmm,’ River said thoughtfully, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind the Doctor's ear. 

Too late, she remembered the hickey Yaz had planted on her the night before and cringed all the way to her toes. 

River only laughed and downed the rest of her drink, tucking an arm around the Doctor's waist and leading her to the dancefloor where she held her so tightly the Doctor's head swam with the scent of her perfume. 

‘I’m glad you’re happy,’ River said softly as they moved slowly together, out of tempo with the music but quite content drifting in their own little world. 

‘You were all there for me when I needed you,’ the Doctor smiled. ‘All of you. Even the Corsair. You were all by my side.’

‘Of course, we all love you so much,’ River said soothingly, leaning in to trail kisses so gentle down the Doctor's neck she felt her toes curling at the sensation.

‘I can’t thank you enough for saving my friends,’ the Doctor said earnestly, and when River pulled away her eyes were shining. 

‘They hardly needed me,’ she laughed. ‘They would all have saved themselves eventually, I’m sure of it.’ 

‘Still,’ the Doctor urged. ‘You gave them hope when they had none. Thank you.’

‘Less talking,’ River said, eyes dark as she lifted her hand to run her thumb gently across the Doctor's bottom lip. ‘I know for a fact you didn't turn up dressed like  _ that  _ just to thank me for saving your friends. Now. Your place or mine?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know when you don't know how to end so you just keep going until something feels right?  
> Starts with River, ends with River <3  
> Special thanks to Ginoodle who yelled at me to finish this when we were sat in my car getting McDonalds drive through. Much obliged <3 <3


End file.
